anonymous text, un: ANON

[starmark]

so i have a couple of questions.

first question, people who've turned into more than one thing because of their moonblessing before. do you like one better than the other? i don't mean being a cordis and then being an iris or something like that, i mean...like sometimes you're a cat and then sometimes you're a fox. or something like that. are you more comfortable as one thing than as another thing.

second question, people who've turned into a dragon. how do you turn the voice thing off. can you turn it off or do you have to just not talk until sanguis is over or what.

third question, say you've been through something pretty fucked up and you want to put it behind you. how do you know when you're really over it and not just pretending that you're over it? i mean what if you think you're fine and then something happens to make you realize you're not really fine. how do you fix that.

last question, i read somewhere that flowers have meanings. how do i find out what flowers mean. is there a book or something or can you just ask a florist or what. do people even care what flowers mean anyway or are they just flowers.

ok i think that's it.

Comments

[torsion]

You sure they all do?

No. It's for anyone who needs someone to help sort things out or talk to. To get it out without a connection to you personally.
You don't necessarily "need" one, but that doesn't mean it can't be helpful.

Don't know. Maybe? Never really thought about it.
Could be nice sometimes. Depending.

[starmark]

the ones with an answer to my question would, yeah
because they would know
because they would have had it happen
so they would know

what good is talking to someone who wouldn't understand though
then it's just annoying AND not helpful

depending on what

[torsion]

Alright, alright.
Sure. I've got it.

It's the insight from being outside of that. It doesn't put pressure on friends who likely know even less how to respond.
Therapists are educated on how to help. If they're unhelpful you find a new therapist or decide therapy isn't for you/what your problems are.
You shouldn't let your pride be more important than healing. There's no shame in it.

Who was giving them and why.

[starmark]

it's really annoying to have people wanting to fuck you just because you're trying to buy some milk
it's REALLY ANNOYING

...
so if they're a stranger
how do you know you can trust them

[torsion]

I'm sorry but I'm laughing and can't stop.
That's awful.

It's their job. The whole point is to help you.

[starmark]

yeah it fucking IS

sure but
just because it's their job doesn't mean they're trustworthy
they could be bad at their job

[torsion]

Guess you're stuck with paper and pen, huh?

Anyone could be.
You're just looking for excuses not to now. Again, it's not for everyone but you shouldn't assume it's all bad.
I don't trust shit here, but even I recognize that trying is important.

private text, un: nevercrywolf

[starmark]

yare yare you're a real pain you know that

fine
if you think it's a good idea then
maybe
i could try
or something

permaprivate

[torsion]

I like you, too.
Color me surprised.

I've tried it. A few times. It's not really for me, but I needed it.
I tend to internalize my problems.

[starmark]

i just don't know how the fuck i'm supposed to find somebody to talk to
and tell them that a vampire killed my friends
and tried to kill me
and i killed him first
and maybe someday i'll turn into him
and if i did no one could stop me

no one could stop me

who the hell could even begin to understand that

[torsion]

No one but you can understand it on a personal level, Jotaro.
But I know what it's like to fight someone seemingly unable to die.
Or someone that tries to turn you into something like them. Maybe a little less literally, but I've been there.

You stopped him, didn't you? Someone will stop you, too. Somehow, some way. If.
If.

I ever tell you what happened to me before being here?

[starmark]

you told me a little
you were a prisoner for four years

you usually stop yourself
before you really talk about it

which is ok

[torsion]

That's what I thought.

It would be better if I told you this in person, but it'll be easier for me to talk about it this way.
It's not incorrect. The reality of it was that I was on a mission with my partner.
Things were dire. He was being thrown around like a ragdoll by a man we both once called Captain before he trapped us on a mission and picked off our team one by one.

There was no choice in the fight. We couldn't compare to what he could do. So I launched myself at him and jumped out a window with him. Cliffside, high up. I don't remember hitting the water, just darkness. When I woke up I was on an operating table.

I was in cryostasis for some time but I easily rehabilitated. The virus I was infected with saved me, I suppose. But not long after he began to inject me with a serum that allowed me to be aware, stuck in my own mind, while I followed any order he gave me. That was for nearly four years. Chris never gave up on finding me even though after six months I was declared killed in action. I'd only just been freed when I came here.

So yeah, I know what it's like. Sort of.

[starmark]

yeah i'm the same way
words are better written down than out loud

anyway
it's a little different for me i guess
nobody did anything to make me wind up like him

that's the part that i don't like
nobody had to do anything
we're just the same in a way i had nothing to do with
and i don't know why that is

[torsion]

Time to sort out your thoughts and words a little better.

I expected it to be like that, but I figured that I owed you this, at least.
As a friend.
But it's still not your choice, is it? You don't want it regardless of someone doing or not doing something.

I guess that's a hard question to answer and not one I can really help you with.
Just don't stress on it too much.
You're the one in control, here. You're the one who decides how things will really go.
And you can change how you see things and do things.
There's no such thing as luck or a future set in stone. That's all bullshit.

[starmark]

some of my friends were...
i mean
when i met them, they were being controlled like that
everybody said it was hopeless but i got it out of them anyway so they were ok
i'm glad chris got to you

but he was important to you even before he saved you
right
it wasn't just that
it was a lot more than just that

[torsion]

I'm sorry they had to experience that, too. Though I'm happy you were able to help them.
It's the worst thing I've ever experienced. And part of why I get so angry over all of this moon shit. I've autonomy now and I want to keep it that way.
But I'm also glad for that. He set down his weapons and let himself be a target. I think I might've given him a concussion and broke a few ribs. Not sure how I'll make it up to him if I manage to make it out of things alive back home.

Making this about me, huh.
But yeah. Since 1996. We were immediate friends. No one I trust more.