text, username: letsgetlecterous

[goingsoft]

[ For the most part, this seems to be a fan account for Lecter owned by a native prismal. There are gifsets. There are edits of videos. There are a few explicit Lecter/Reader fanfics. Not great timing. ]

It must be fucked up to die for someone, and then they just end up here. Fucking around. Doing nothing in particular.

You give everything so they can live and then that's all they do. Just live. They don't make the world better. They don't even want to do anything interesting. They're not even nice.

They probably didn't even mourn you.

Ungrateful bitch. Hope they were worth it.

[ If it wasn't clear, this isn't Trish's phone. She's stolen someone else's for better anonymity. It'll show up dumped somewhere in a few days, and the original owner will delete this post when they find it. ]

Comments

[goingsoft]

[ Oh. ]

It's stupid. I never asked anyone to protect me.

[ It's hard to tell over text, but there's a softening of tone. All that sanguis anger, even turned inward as it is, mellows out just a little. She didn't know. It didn't occur to her that he'd be in the same place. ]

How do you do anything?

How do you do anything at all without having to stop to think how many people died so you could do it? And then suddenly it doesn't seem worth it. Nothing does.

[teaserving]

sometimes it's awful
and makes you feel hollow
less of a person
and you don't do anything with it
and you feel worse
but it's not always about what we ask but what we need

i didn't do anything for a long time
nothing worthwhile
i scraped by enough money for wine and got as shitfaced as i could so i didn't have to feel anything
but there was this guy that thought i could do better i guess
so he hired me on
sometimes i still think he made a mistake but these days i try to think about what it is these people saw in me
even if i can't see it myself

[goingsoft]

The funny thing is, I don't think they saw anything in me. Just something to protect. And I don't know if I'm pissed at them for not seeing more or pissed at myself for not being more or

or maybe I'm scared. That one day everyone's going to figure out I was never worth it.

[teaserving]

guess that's hard to say
are you able to ask?

guess you either decide if you're gonna change something about yourself
or accept that what's happened happened

[goingsoft]

One of them, yeah. I could ask one of them. There were a lot. Some who chose it. Civilians who just got caught up in it.

One of them had a kid. Never spoke to him, but I know people who work with him.

Another had a mother. I met her once. Just before I came here.

[teaserving]

look
if you're this fucked up about it
go talk to the person
if they were fine dying for you then they should be fine explaining themselves

private

[goingsoft]

It's me. Trish. This whole thing seemed like a way better idea like
half an hour ago.

I might have forgotten that if people are assholes on the internet you just show up to join in.

I don't know if it's better or worse but it's not you I'm fucked up over.

private

[teaserving]

nah
why would it be

it's bruno. probably narancia too.
anybody else im forgetting?

[goingsoft]

No offense meant, of course. Just, you know. You didn't choose shit. And if you did, you'd have chosen it for Bucciarati.

It's Mr. Pericolo, more than anyone. Who the fuck does that? Just up and puts a bullet in their head because someone told them it'll make some shitty kid just a little safer? It pisses me off.

[teaserving]

i believed in him
i still do
family was important to him and he couldn't turn a blind eye what the boss did to you and would have done

it may have had less to do with you and more about how loyal he was to passione. to the boss
im not saying he chose right or whatever
and it was fucked up for sure.