It... probably isn't healthy, that I keep doing that. Some part of me has known that for a while now but I think even subconsciously I was doing it at the start because I was wary of what might happen if I didn't forcibly control my emotions.

[Really, an issue he's had since he was a child, amplified by being told straight up at arrival that these things were expected and normal here.

If he hadn't met Rise these are things he likely would have never realized.]