prismatica | ( VIDEO / ACTION. ) | DEC.4TH | PEOPLE WHO SAY SANTA DOESN'T EXIST ACTUALLY WANT TO BELIEVE IN HIM

_{[ For those of you who may have spoted Gintoki at the charity event, they might recognize a handmade booth on the feed. Only.. it's been slightly altered. Instead of KISSING BOOTH and etc, it's been painted over with something that might be more offensive.. depending on who you are. The booth reads:

COME MEET SATAN CLAUS
15🌑️ FOR PHOTO
30🌑️ FOR WISH LIST

To boot, he's in some festive attire and looks like the most lethargic Santa Claus ever. ]}

Yo, yo, yo.

_{[ isn't it.. ho ho ho.. ]}

It's that time of year and I'm open for business. Come pay me a visit for a small fee. I know what it's like to want something so badly and not get it— it's like seeing Fri*za's final form and being awfully disappointed, so don't let that happen to you.
_{[ it's not very small fee at all.. he's really awful at being in character.]}

Fill out your wish list.
You never know. If you've been good, you might just get what you want. I'm a busy man, so hurry it up, morons.

_{[ He turns his location on, and for those who actually meet him, here's a wish list to fill out. He'll be ready to transfer currency before you take a sheet: ]}

HAVE YOU BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR? ANSWER YES OR NO:
NO, SERIOUSLY. HAVE YOU BEEN GOOD AT ALL OR JUST A PAIN IN THE ASS?:
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR THE HOLIDAY? KEEP IT CHEAP:
NAME SOMEONE SPECIAL TO SPREAD HOLIDAY CHEER TOWARDS, SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT:
YOU'VE HEARD OF ELF ON THE SHELF, BUT HAVE YOU HEARD OF..?:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[wow Satan]

Well, I mean, if you're gonna be a proper Santa, you gotta know what gifts everyone wants. You know what I want, right?

Absolutely.

You want to get laid.

Yeah, okay.

_{[ This is mainly for Osomatsu's sake, but: ]}

Any specific preferences?

_{[ Oh. He has a paper and pen ready. ]}

[he jerks back, a little surprised that someone wants to help him]

H-Huh? What?

C'mon, Osomatsu-kun. I've been saying this from the start.
You need a date. You need to get laid. Really, if you keep this up, you'll just be in the same, linear reality that your reboot follows where you're a virgin NEET at my age.

Yeah, it's funny as hell and is supplied merchandise that overshadows Gintama merch, but seriously.

It's time for you to take your life by your own hands and create an alternate life for yourself.
One where you're happier.

[HM. Gintoki is sure saying some cool-sounding things. but Osomatsu still looks a bit nervous and dumbfounded]

W-why are you so concerned on whether I get laid or not? What’s in it for you?

It's not a big deal.
Maybe I just feel sorry for you.

Getting laid is really great.

_{[ But also.. Gintoki is a big, soft soul underneath that hard exterior and he loves helping people.
Mostly if they pay him, but he hasn't mentioned money to Osomatsu. Yet. ]}

I mean, I took care of that before I was your age.

_{[ HE ALREADY SAID THIS BEFORE. ]}

[he holds up his hands], looking away

Right, right! I get it. You’re some lucky macho soldier that gets laid when you’re a teenager. Don’t rub it in.

...That still doesn’t help me understand why you’re so invested in me.

Well. You're a generational icon back home. What kind of protector of Japan would I be if I didn't keep tabs on a fellow comedy character?

_{[ Also, maybe he's nice. A little. ]}

[okay... so this guy’s just genuinely... interested in him. that’s weird, because Osomatsu doesn’t know anyone like that. except for maybe Marie, now, but, certainly, no one back home is like that. no one cares about Osomatsu’s social problems.

he rubs the back of his head, finally relenting]

I’m not... really that picky. Cute girls, guys, hell, if someone said they were interested in me, I’d give ‘em a chance.

Aaa, mm.

_{[ He seems thoughtful and taps the back of his pen against his chin. ]}

But is there anyone you're interested in?
You know. By name.

I need to know who to talk you up to.

[oh dear. he wants names]

W-well, there’s my pal Marie, but she has a lot of suitors already, I think. [nervous laugh, but the laughter dies down as Osomatsu looks at his lap]

But. Maybe...

[he trails off]

What? Speak up, kid.

If you can’t talk to me, how the hell are you going to entertain your date? You can’t rely on body language alone for a first date. Save it for the third.

[body language! third date! Osomatsu quickly shakes his head, as though he's not wanting to admit to something out loud.

he should acknowledge his crushes, but it's too scary!]

Kgh. I guess it can't be helped.

_{[ Gintoki makes a few mote notes and then settles his attention back on Osomatsu. ]}

I'll do my best to set you up with Marie-san, but if that doesn't work, you'll just have to take what I can find. You got that?

That'll be 30 Chroma, by the way.

Whoa, hang on! I don’t... I can’t date Marie! She’s too good for me!

[now he’s talking]

So’s Kirishima! You shouldn’t bother them about this!

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

_{[ Oh. Now he's really writing down some stuff. ]}

[he looks really wound up now, clenching his fists. it’s as though Osomatsu is worried, scared, and why shouldn’t he be?]

I’ve been stuck on this stupid planet since July, man! The most people do is hold hands with me, and it’s never gonna go beyond that. Why? ‘cause I’m the funny guy. I’m the big joke here. I’m not cool, or smart, or strong. I just wanted...

[his eyes squeeze shut]

I just need to go home! At least back at home, I could move on with my life. I didn’t even get to graduate high school, you know? It’s like I’m stuck here, in Limbo!

_{[ A part of him wants to tell Osomatsu to calm down but he doesn't say anything. Gintoki was frustrated when he got here, but he knew that if he had gotten here-- say, a few chapters before the end of his series-- he would be just as furious as Osomatsu if not.. even more furious. Hundreds of people's lives were on the line, a twisted version of his sensei wanted to destroy the world, not to mention everything going on with Takasugi.

They were a lot of bigger problems than Osomatsu had to deal with, but.. Osomatsu still had his own life and being so much younger, he had his own situations at well.

Gintoki feels like Osomatsu's anger is justified, so he simply bounces his eyes back to the screen. ]}

Oi. You good there, or need to keep going?

[great. now he’s tearing up. he sucks in a big sniff, then wipes at his nose with his sleeve]

N-no... I’m good.

[he’s not, though. he’s still angry, as evident by the pout]

I’ll bring you your stupid chroma tomorrow.

[and then he cuts out his side of the feed abruptly]

( VIDEO / ACTION. ) | DEC.4TH | PEOPLE WHO SAY SANTA DOESN'T EXIST ACTUALLY WANT TO BELIEVE IN HIM

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