01. TEXT

[quickquotes]

( It has taken Rita most of the time she's spent in Lunatia thus far to understand enough of this 'technology' to send out a broadcast. She's not the type to let such a little hurdle as unfamiliarity get in the way of reporting the news, and she is glad to announce her success with her very first article! )

UNDEAD YET DEADLY
The inhabitants of Lunatia might seem an uncouth lot, with their scales and their horns and other extraneous appendages. However, the natives of this world appear positively genteel when compared to who, or should I say, what walks amongst us, attempting to blend quietly into the shadows. Fortunately, I, Rita Skeeter, freelance journalist-for-hire, am here to shed light on the situation.

The Moonblessed by the name of ‘Ambrosine’, is a self-confessed practitioner of the Dark Arts. She is also known to post on this network under the alias of ‘undyingsoul’, which should tell you everything you need to know already. If you still require an explanation, know this: every magical child from the youngest of ages is taught that death is permanent. Any individual who attempts to meddle with mortality is faced with a fate worse than death: the eternal corruption of the soul.

Why does this matter, you might ask?


Those of you from my own world might know of the evilest Dark Wizard of our time, a man so evil that even after his defeat we still refuse to speak his name, only referring to him as He Who Must Not Be Named. In the name of ideological superiority and in search for the secrets of immortality, this Dark Wizard murdered thousands of people, witches, wizards and Muggles alike.

To use a more local frame of reference: as many of you will know, the city is still recovering from the aftermath of the rampages of another Dark Wizard, Asmodeus, who used his powers to control the minds of many innocent bystanders. Could Lunatia withstand another attack so soon?

While Ambrosine has not shown any untoward predilections to violence yet in her time here, evidence suggests she has so far murdered one innocent person in her quest for immortality thus far, as well as a unicorn (a most sacred magical animal).

How many more deaths will she cause? Can this type of individual truly be allowed to walk around our society unchecked? My recommendation would be to lock her up and throw away the key before she can cause any more harm to befall others.

After all, there’s enough to get used to in this new society without wondering about murderers in our midst. As so succinctly put by local resident, the charming thirty-six-year-old Mr. Valmont: it’s positively exhausting!

( After the main text in the article, smaller lettering reads: if you have leads which require any further investigation, or any information you would like me to know, please contact me here.

The name, again, is Rita Skeeter. )

Comments

[necroyalty]

...that is eons more simple to understand than the hot mess my world's cosmology has.

[whateternityis]

Oh, the humans definitely think it's a matter of 'add to the ranks,' but that would require angels and demons giving a shit about humans as more than pawns in their celestial pissing contest, and so far as I know only one of us each ever managed to do that. Weirdly, by spending all our time on-planet.

No idea what God makes of the whole situation, but that's the problem. No one knows that. She hasn't spoken to anyone in millennia.

[necroyalty]

I suppose that explains quite a few things. Perhaps your world only had need of one god, but mine had many.

The only time I've ever heard of a universe with only one before coming here was what theories I'd read on the Chained God. There's some who believe that he created the ruined universe that eventually tore into ours and created the Abyss, but no one knows for sure.

[whateternityis]

Need's probably relative. The humans have made up some others for themselves, and for all I know they are around in other variations of Earth. Mine only has the one, though, I can say that much from experience.

Not sure why She stopped talking to anyone. Be a bloody big help if She did.

[necroyalty]

The Chained God-

no, you know what? I'll say his name.

Tharizdun.

Anyway, he eventually ended up stark raving mad and needed to be sealed away for the good of all of creation by literally every other god in existence, so I can't really give any answers that aren't terrible.

Most of the other gods actually do speak to those with enough faith and grant them divine magic; I know this because while I have never been religious myself, I have seen their will executed by their believers.

[whateternityis]

What fun.

In the absence of an official plan, the angels have taken it upon themselves to try and make one up, but like fuck they're going to tell anyone what their orders are until said orders get screwed up. Meanwhile, most of Hell is bitter about being thrown out in the first place.

[necroyalty]

Sounds like the place is mad already.

The messages the gods give their worshipers on my world can often be cryptic or otherwise unhelpful, but at least it's there.

[whateternityis]

That'd be a bloody great help, yeah.

Whether She means to come off as cruel or not, not saying anything as good as gives that impression, sometimes.

[Aziraphale is comforted by the notion that God intended the Apocaloops to go exactly the way it did. Crowley, on the other hand, is decidedly not.]

[necroyalty]

My mother was a theologian and a follower of the Ruby Witch. Goddess of magic, death, and law.

The same goddess told her to accept an arranged marriage that brought her years of unhappiness, but somehow, that didn't put much of a dent in her dedication.

I suppose that yes, the goddess of law would expect you to fulfill your duty whether you liked it or not, but still.

[whateternityis]

Does seem likely, doesn't it.