you're a lich girl, and you've gone too far | Text, filtered from Rita

[necroyalty]

username: undyingsoul

[It's a full day after Rita's article that anyone hears from Ambrosine anywhere else on the network, and then...]

To all of you who had inquiries for me in the last post: I have filed a report with the Moon Knights and expect further developments shortly. I advise you all to remain vigilant, as there are more than a few ways to invade private spaces through magical means. I may have been the first person whose home Rita Skeeter broke into, but I doubt I will be the last.

Yes, I am a necromancer. This isn't the terrible taboo it is in some other cultures, as my people have practiced the art as a means of survival during more difficult times throughout our history, and often willingly donate our bodies to service after death as a sign of devotion to causes we held dear in life.

Several of the ruling families in my kingdom were members of one of two cults to fiends whose full intentions I do not know, but can only assume are absolutely terrible. As their queen my first duty was to our realm's future, so I undertook the process of lichdom at great personal risk to myself to buy enough time to see to the slow process of stripping the very institution that empowered me of that same power while ensuring relative stability.

In the interest of transparency, I have attached my research notes to this post. Consider yourself lucky; this information does not flow freely in my world. Yes, I understand the terrible gravity of what I'm doing here. Ah, well. As they say, knowledge is power.

[The following attachment is a scanned PDF of some pages from a wizard's spellbook, full of weird jargon, mystic runes, hard-to-read small handwriting that Ambrosine tried to cram into the smallish pages, and weird eldritch diagrams. Oh, and a little doodle of a skull. In addition to the stuff in the pastebin, there's also a diagram for some sort of sacrificial circle where both the phylactery and the person being sacrificed go, and...oof.

After attuning yourself to the phylactery, apparently the final step is just whispering some sort of ritualistic prayer to basically revoke your soul's rights to any sort of afterlife right before you do the sacrifice and drink the potion that freezes the blood in your veins and lich-ifies you? OOF.

At the very least there's no mention of liches needing to feed on anything, so well, the assumption is that once the ritual is over, that's it in terms of gross shit.

Congratulations; everyone who read all of that now knows the secret to lichdom. You've learned it. You can't un-learn it.]

The sacrifice given for my particular version of the ritual was a man who stabbed his entire family to death and was slated for execution, so I'd save my sympathies for someone more worthy if I were you.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your week.

Comments

[howlmyrage]

Royalty giving up their power without somebody running in with a guillotine? If that actually happens you'll be better than most kings and queens I've seen.

[necroyalty]

It's complicated.

I never exactly wanted the crown, but it would be exceedingly irresponsible to refuse it when I could not find someone suited to its duties.

I had hoped that one of my daughters could follow through, but the two of them are both... I'm not sure how to say it.

I'm proud of them. Intelligent, healthy, of solid moral character, the sort of things any parent would be happy about.

But the position demands things that most people can't deliver.

[howlmyrage]

"Solid moral character" and royalty rarely mix.

[necroyalty]

If it did, men like my father would have never existed.

Unfortunately, I hail from a world where several people I thought to be too smart for such a thing have been literally worshiping demons.

[howlmyrage]

Oh, you'd be surprised. Smart men will often do whatever it takes to make their lives easier here and now. Better a demon that will drop the goods in your lap today than a god who you aren't even sure is listening, right?

[necroyalty]

You speak the truth, and this pains me.

I hate everything right now.

[howlmyrage]

You might say I have a bit of experience with smart men turning their backs from the spiritual in exchange for material gain. You'll feel better once you've murdered the lot.

[ Harsh, but she's an Avenger. It's in her nature. ]

[necroyalty]

Perhaps, but that wasn't exactly an option for political reasons.

I would have been the world's worst paladin in another life.

[howlmyrage]

I'd say you don't need political capital when you can have a flight of dragons at your back, but then you'd actually become some kind of dark lord.

Pity you're not into that.

[necroyalty]

The problem is that in my world, at least, dragons are intelligent creatures capable of speech and rational thought, not unlike humans.

I had one at my side, but I don't think I would want to demand that she take those risks for my sake.

[howlmyrage]

[ You also don't need to care about whether dragons have feelings or not if you're the Dragon Witch and have the power to control them... but that's a power that's specific to Jeanne Alter and one she'd rather not bring up right now, so she doesn't mention it. ]

Well then, have you considered just hiring a bunch of assassins?

[necroyalty]

Several times, in fact.

And then I found out there were fucking demons involved.

[It's almost as if her problems exist for a group of 4 to 6 ragtag misfits levels 11 to 13 to solve, because she's an NPC in a tabletop setting.]

[howlmyrage]

Fucking demons or fucking demons?

[ Inquiring minds need to know. ]

[necroyalty]

See, this is the worst part.

I understand you intended to make a joke, most likely, but in a way it was both.

I never fucked a demon personally, but these demons were rather notorious for their appetites.

[ Graz'zt's cult is just like that. ]

[howlmyrage]

I'm acquainted with a half-incubus.

I would not recommend it.