Video; UN: moxuanyu

[noenvy]

[The user can't be seen just yet but he can be heard. The camera is pointed at a large soaking tub in a modern bathroom and the speaker seems overly excited about it all.]

Look at this! It's quite amazing, isn't it? The water is right there, just with a twist.

[A hand reaches out to turn a nob and water rushes out.]

Both hot and cold! It's genius!

Do you think this is easy to break? It looks quite sturdy.

Oh! This is exciting! What great things this place has! I want to try it out!

Comments

[inheritedpain]

My lifetime! [ He hissed viciously, anger bubbling up so hot and furious inside of him that he didn’t even know what to do with it. ]

It was my life time ago! How does that make what you’ve done worth any less!

[ His voice was raising, not giving a damn that they were in a public space. ]

Go on and tell me how the passage of time has made it any better that you robbed me of my parents! That you stole my family from me!! Tell me!

[noenvy]

I already died.

[So his literally past life.]

And I would take it all back if I could, but I can’t. I can’t ever change that day, I can’t ever have Jiang Yanli back, I will never have Jiang Cheng’s trust. She was my family too... she was my Shijie, and I never wanted to hurt her, or take her husband away.

But there is nothing we can do. We can live here and appreciate the miracle we are given.

Time just makes the pain get bearable.

[inheritedpain]

Not for me!

[ Something broke in his chest, a month’s worth of pent up anger cracking against a life time of grief. He blinked back furious tears, the rip of his sword wavering helplessly.

He thought it would make more sense, if he knew.

He thought Wei Wuxian would somehow reveal it was all a misunderstanding, that somehow he wasn’t really responsible. That somehow Jin Ling could focus all that hate on someone else.

But he couldn’t. It was still Wei Wuxian’s fault, after all. And with no good reason.

He sucked in a breath through gritted teeth, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer, rolling down his cheeks, the sight far from the elegent and perfect tears of Hanguang-Jun. ]

It doesn’t get more bearable for me—-

[noenvy]

[He closed the distance between them, avoiding Suihua and wrapped Jin Ling in a hug. If he fought he would just hold him tighter, because this is what he needed. This child who felt too much and was too proud, raised by the worst and had all the most complicated traits. Proper affection was important and he had been robbed of it.]

I know. I know....

[inheritedpain]

[ The sword, still held aloft between them, offered no more barrier to approach than a blade of grass. He didn’t drop it - would never willingly do so - but the point lowered as he found arms wrapping around him. He didn’t fight it. He should have fought it, but he didn’t.

Instead he sobbed helplessly, his arm lowering the rest of the way as he pressed his face into the man’s chest, burying himself against him. His shoulders shook as he cried, furious and grief stricken all at once.

He couldn’t do it.

He couldn’t avenge his parents. Even though his entire life had been built around preparing him for it, even though it had been hammered into his head again and again what they would do if they ever found Wei Wuxian, he couldn’t do it.

He was a disgrace, a disappointment to his family. His inability casting a greater dishonour on them than he could even name, and he wept with every ounce of that failure crushing down on him.

He knew what he had to do and he couldn’t do it. What was he even any good for? ]

[noenvy]

[He didn't know the depths of Jin Ling's feelings but he was familiar with the general idea of what they might be. He didn't let go and he didn't say anything, allowing him to cry it out. It was all he could do at this moment. He had nothing he could say, there were no words to make it better. Things were as they were, the past was the past. Revenge would help no one.

But, perhaps crying for a while, expressing his feelings and having someone there would help.]

[inheritedpain]

[ He didn’t stop. Like breaching flood gates, the tears seemed to come endlessly, ragged breathes choked out around them. He wept piteously, unreserved and unrestrained, slumping all his weight against a man who by every right he should murder.

Somewhere off to the side, from a low bush, a dog whined quietly in sympathy with her master, but she held to his command and did not approach no matter how much she believed he needed the comfort.

Eventually it felt like he couldn’t cry any longer, his throat torn and ragged, his eyes reddened and enflamed. He finally pulled back, out of the embrace, his eyes sliding away from the man as he sniffed, running a sleeve over his face. His other hand still grasped Suihua uselessly at his side. ]

[noenvy]

[He kept the hug, though when Fairy whined he did noticeably tense at the sound. It was a testament to his will that he didn't end up pushing Jin Ling and instantly running in the opposite direction.

When Jin Ling pulled back he let him go and smiled, waiting to see if he wanted to say anything.]

[inheritedpain]

[ He didn't return the smile. He didn't even look at it. He felt hollow and empty and wrecked. ]

... I can't forgive you. [ His voice was rough after all that crying, and quiet. ]

... But I want it to be different, here.

[noenvy]

You don't have to forgive me.

[He didn't forgive himself, he just accepted it.]

And this is a place of new starts. Your father is here... shijie is here, your other father is here....

You have a lot of people who love you.

I know things can get better, though, I suppose a lot happened to get to that point. But, you're a good child....

[inheritedpain]

Don't call me a child. [ The response is immediate, and but somewhat undercut in meaning when he sniffs again and runs his sleeve over his face for a second time. ]

I have a lot of people who love him, and a lot of people who should love me and don't even know who I am.

[ Not that he's bitter or jealous or anything. ]



... Whatever. We're done here.

[ He's proven himself a failure. What else was there to say? ]

[noenvy]

"Him"?

[What? Was he... upset about...?

And to ask not to be called a child!]

Alright. Well, if you need anything, feel free to ask.

[If Jin Ling felt a little better, that was enough.]

[inheritedpain]

The other Jin Ling.

[ His voice was a little tight. ]

Yours. Suzhui’s. Your sister’s. [ He couldn’t say “my mother’s”, he couldn’t. ]

[ He felt hollow and incredibly small, a whisp of himself, ridiculous and empty.

Roughly, and an utter lie: ]

I need nothing from you.

[ And then he turns to leave before Wei Wuxian can watch him fold in on himself again with a completely separate grief. ]

[noenvy]

[Hisbheart went out to him, it must be dificult, even if he only knew a little bit of what might be going on. Jin Ling had always been a person who felt greatly. To be put into a situation where almost everyone you held dear was of a time before your conception... would be hard.

He didn't say anything not wanting to insult Jin Ling's pride. Hopefully his words would be remembered in the future.]