( video, un: lavieenrose )

[affectueux]

[ maybe it’s insanity. more likely, it’s the combination of the sanguis cycle and his upcoming birthday making him restless and impulsive. he can usually tamp down those urges when things are normal, but he also can’t recall a moment when things have ever been normal in lunatia.

maybe that’s a contributing factor, too. either way, here’s a video of serge—like the cycles before, he’s got little bear features. paws included, even if his hands are off-screen. ]

Er, bonjour. My name is Serge… I’ve cleaned many of your tables at Salon de Marie. [ it gets harder when he’s a bear, but that’s neither here nor there. ] My birthday will be coming up soon, and I—it—

[ he frowns, searching for the words. he should have planned this better, but again. the haste. ]

In my world, I’m set to inherit my family’s estate on my 18th birthday. I’ll be expected to get married and carry on the family name, as I’m the only child of my late father. [ he realizes something, and holds up a hand in brief fluster. ] I’m not saying this to brag! It’s relevant, I promise. I bring it up because there’s—a person. Someone I love. Someone I can neither marry nor produce a child with.

…this is quite heavy, isn’t it? I’ll try to get to the point. When your heart is in conflict with both duty and the expectations of society, what are you supposed to do? What can you do?

Merci, everyone. For your attention.

Comments

[teaserving]

leave paris then if you can
or something
take out funds from your family if you can
it's on them for putting this pressure on you anyway

im not a guy who's a beacon of the law
but i think you'd be better off following your heart

[affectueux]

[ all of these are good ideas. from other people, too, he’s heard plenty of things that make it feel like it’s completely possible. then he remembers who gilbert is, and it becomes hard again.

complaining, though, is not for abbacchio to hear. ]

I can’t promise I will. I don’t know if I’ll even remember we’ve had this conversation, when I return… but I want to. Right now, I want to. You’ve become something of an inspiration for me.

[affectueux]

[ even serge, moody as he is, laughs quietly at that. he’s no stranger to a little physical comedy, and back when he was in school, it was easy to pull those sorts of pranks when the worst anyone would ever do was smack him with a ruler.

things are different now. but he treasures those memories. ]

It’s the person capable of both things that you love, non? I understand. Is he here with you?

[teaserving]

i'm not exactly the best role model hilariously
but you should be happy with your guy ok?

[affectueux]

[ “who cares” isn’t an attitude he can get behind, because his fatal flaw as a person is that he cares too much. this wouldn’t be a problem if he could just stop caring. ]

Even if people get hurt?

[affectueux]

You’re a wonderful role model. You have a foul mouth and a worse attitude, but you look out for others even when it doesn’t seem like you care. That’s the impression I’ve gotten from you, so if I’m wrong, you’d better start working on it now.

[ there are many things he could improve… but that’s neither here nor there. ]

Would you hate it terribly if I told you a little about him? I’ve never been able to… rhapsodize. All our friends loathe him.

[affectueux]

I can’t discuss it with [ awkward pause ] them.

[ he surprises himself with the force of his answer. ]

…I’m sorry. I don’t mean to imply that this is all a secret. Rather, it’s so completely open that we’ve talked the topic to death. At this point, I’m afraid to say anything more.

[noenvy]

Yes. I love his smile when he is happy, and his frown when he is mad, the annoyed sounds he makes when he thinks something is ridiculous. It took me a long time to realize it though. And I am fortunate enough that he is here. Or more, he is fortunate I am here I guess. I only recently came to this place, but he has been here for at least seven months already.

[teaserving]

ugh whatever think what you want

yeah you can tell me about him
tell me about his best and worst features
everybody's got them
even when you love them

[affectueux]

[ they would be here all day if serge listed all his worst features, but he’s also blinded by love, so they will be here all day for the best as well. ]

Merci beaucoup! His name is Gilbert. It’s impossible to choose his best feature, but narrowing the list down… his heart is the purest of anyone I’ve ever met. I believe he’s the closest any human could come to the lamb of God without sounding sacrilegious. When he laughs or smiles, it’s as if the whole world stops to behold it. It’s truly a miracle.

[ he can keep going, so he does. ]

And he’s beautiful. Does that sound shallow? If you could see him, you would understand. He has hair like sunlight, and his lips are as two rose petals placed by an artist upon his magnum opus.

video, un: sougo_i7

[koboreta]

[Ah... This hits a little too close to home, and as Sougo turns his video feed on to respond, his brows are already unconsciously furrowed.]

That's a heavy weight to have on your shoulders... I'm sorry that you have to deal with making a decision like that when you're so young.

[Not that he's much older, but still. His voice quiets a little as he continues, slightly more hesitant than before.]

This isn't something I'm used to talking about with strangers, so I'm not really sure where to start. But to be honest, I've dealt with a similar situation... between my family and something I love dearly.

However... I'm not sure if the answer I chose is the one you want to hear, even if I'm grateful for the decision I made. Should I be honest with you?

[affectueux]

Please be honest. If I only wanted answers that I liked, I wouldn’t have asked.

[ despite the burden, he smiles softly—a little sad at the edges, but he wouldn’t be serge if he let his own selfish worries completely consume him. he’ll listen as intently as he would if he were the one being asked for advice. ]

[koboreta]

Alright.

[That slightly sad smile is so familiar, reminiscent of harder times, and Sougo's heart swells with empathy. It simply wouldn't be right to not be honest. If he were in Serge's shoes, he'd undoubtedly hope for the same sincerity.]

I'm also the only son of my father, the head of a famous business conglomerate. So ever since I was born, I was raised to be the perfect heir, expected to carry on the family name and inherit everything. You must understand more than anyone how much pressure that can be...

But I fell in love too. With music. It took years to realize what was truly important to me, but in the end, I couldn't turn my back on that dream no matter how I tried.

[He doesn't realize it, of course, but his gentle, slightly pained smile is awfully similar to Serge's.]

So I threw everything away. My family disowned me and I ran away from home, leaving the entire life I had up until then. But I've never regretted it.

[affectueux]

[ serge has never so instantly understood someone.

he’s lucky that his family has always encouraged the piano—his father for the pure love of the craft, and his aunts, for the promise of fame and fortune. serge never did achieve the latter and stepped all over his own dreams when given the chance, but the passion for music hasn’t died at all. ]

I would make the same choice, if it were between my family and the piano. I wonder why it seems so much easier when I think about it that way.

[ not to sound dismissive, though, he adds this: ]

Pain can change your music, but something like regret would ruin it. You must be an incredible performer, if this is the path you’ve taken.

[affectueux]

[ it won’t be long before serge reaches seven months without gilbert. that’s the longest he’s gone since they’ve met—but then, a day is the longest he’s gone since they’ve met, considering they’ve lived together since day one. ]

He must have been dying without you.

[koboreta]

[Even simply hearing that Serge likes music is enough to make Sougo light up a bit, and almost instantly, his smile brightens just a little.]

You're too kind. Even here, I'll do my best to live up to those words. But you know... I think you're right - about regret ruining music. It may have been a struggle, but I'm glad I didn't give up on my dream.

And if you like playing the piano, then we have something else in common.

[Even beyond that, Serge's words are incredibly wise. If this is coming from someone who isn't even 18 yet, then he must have a good head on his shoulders.]

I'm glad to be able to talk about this with you. I'm not sure if any of it applies to making your own decision, but I think... if you're wavering, it's important to know that valuing your happiness isn't a bad thing.

[affectueux]

I’m a little rusty, but I try to play as much as I can.

[ he’s better than he lets on—he’s passionate, not cocky. not since the incident with henri. ]

And… hearing it does help. Our situations may be different, but it’s that different touch that makes it all the more valuable. While I can never compare my relationship to anyone else’s, perhaps your past gives me the perfect metaphor.

[ he smiles. ]

Hope too, of course! May I ask the name of my sudden savior?

[noenvy]

From what I understand there was a version of myself here before, but, I was from a time when I was unaware of my feelings. Though, not the same, he wasnt quite alone.

Thiugh... he had to suffer alone for a long time before.

video; un: ozpin

[perspicaciously]

When it comes to such things...what society needs and what you as a person need are both important. After all if you as a person are affected in such a way then society too will feel it.

I believe...doing what your heart and what you feel is right for you is something that you must find balance with alongside your duties. [ Hm. He might sit back in his chair and take a sip of his cocoa before continuing. ]

But neither one is more important than the other and shouldn't made to be. In a way...prioritizing other people's happiness over your own could be detrimental in the long run.

[koboreta]

I'm more of a singer and songwriter than a pianist, so I'm sure you're far better than me, rusty or not.

[Ah, but there's a real smile, and Sougo can't help but grin fondly in return.]

I feel like "savior" is a little much, but I'm Sougo Ousaka. It's a pleasure to meet you.

[He isn't expecting the name to ring any bells, of course - not here, where his idol unit isn't a household name. But if Serge is the type to pay attention to posters related to musical performances and various advertisements around town, Sougo's face or name may be somewhat familiar.]

After how downtrodden you sounded in your initial post, hearing that you have even a little bit of hope is a wonderful thing.

[affectueux]

[ it’s the conclusion to that thought that really gets to him. he wonders if it’s true, even if he’s prioritizing the happiness of the person he loves. he wonders what would be the right choice for gilbert. ]

Who deserves to have their happiness prioritized, in the eyes of God?

[affectueux]

[ serge was never known to be subtle about emotions. he feels everything fully and openly, and even when he tries to keep a stiff upper lip, it doesn’t always work. the other side of that is that when he’s happy, he’s happy with his entire chest. ]

I think savior is just fine. But it’s nice to meet you too, Monsieur Ousaka.

[ he’s going to be this french idiot until he dies. ]

I admit that I still feel downtrodden… I think the path ahead of me will be long and difficult. It will be painful. But your story reminded me of the miracles that music can work on the heart.

[disasdeer]

But what if they don't?

[ He gets it, he does. But sometimes he knows you just have to make choices for yourself or you are doing no one any favors. ]

How do you know someone will? And even considering that, won't someone get hurt regardless?

If someone else asked you this, what would you tell them to do?

[affectueux]

[ serge does stop to think about that. if he were instructing someone else on the same choice, well… he wouldn’t know their situation, of course, just like no one knows his. he can talk around it all day, but there are so many dramatic factors that don’t make it easy.

but then, he’s thinking about his again. finally, he gives his answer. ]

I would tell them to follow their heart, too. Love is such a powerful force in the world… I would want someone to believe that they can overcome anything with love.

[disasdeer]

Seems silly to give advice you won't take yourself.

[ Said rather bluntly, and he does the same from time to time, but -- he's also not soliciting it. ]