( video, un: lavieenrose )

[affectueux]

[ maybe it’s insanity. more likely, it’s the combination of the sanguis cycle and his upcoming birthday making him restless and impulsive. he can usually tamp down those urges when things are normal, but he also can’t recall a moment when things have ever been normal in lunatia.

maybe that’s a contributing factor, too. either way, here’s a video of serge—like the cycles before, he’s got little bear features. paws included, even if his hands are off-screen. ]

Er, bonjour. My name is Serge… I’ve cleaned many of your tables at Salon de Marie. [ it gets harder when he’s a bear, but that’s neither here nor there. ] My birthday will be coming up soon, and I—it—

[ he frowns, searching for the words. he should have planned this better, but again. the haste. ]

In my world, I’m set to inherit my family’s estate on my 18th birthday. I’ll be expected to get married and carry on the family name, as I’m the only child of my late father. [ he realizes something, and holds up a hand in brief fluster. ] I’m not saying this to brag! It’s relevant, I promise. I bring it up because there’s—a person. Someone I love. Someone I can neither marry nor produce a child with.

…this is quite heavy, isn’t it? I’ll try to get to the point. When your heart is in conflict with both duty and the expectations of society, what are you supposed to do? What can you do?

Merci, everyone. For your attention.

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« video » un: blaidyyd

[reprising]

[ This certainly sounds familiar. And he has some time, so he decides to reply. ]

Greetings. I hope your situation hasn't had you too troubled. Being in a similar situation of my own prompted me to reply—

[ Too official. He needs to relax. ]

Forgive me. Is the person in question here with you?

[affectueux]

Non.

[ it sounds like he’s holding something back. since he’s already being so honest, he decides to continue without ambiguity. “the person” simply won’t do. ]

No, he isn’t.

[reprising]

I see.

[ After thinking things over once he's listened to it all... ]

Perhaps your decision would have been easier were they present. Being removed from the confines of what is acceptable back home into a world unlike your own would be able to give you a perspective you haven't considered.

What is causing you conflict here, though?

[ video ] un: sparkler

[liberaltus]

I'll preface this by saying I have personal experience to draw from [and then some] you have a few options open to you:

You can do what is expected of you - pretend. Wear fancy clothes, convince everyone around you that your something you're not. Then you can take up your father's position, live in a gilded cage, and desperately hope no one realizes what a fraud you are. You can spend the rest of your life screaming on the inside.

Or you can leave it behind you, decide that honest self is worth more to you than the lie you'll be forced to live.

Video; UN: lan.furen

[noenvy]

[He doesn’t hesitate with an answer, as if it was obvious from the start.]

Elope.

[It was said in a very mater of fact way.]

video; un: adler

[disasdeer]

[ He relates a little too hard to this. He comes on camera and he is a deer with an awful lot of wolf features. Happy Sanguis! ]

Well, I think you should do what seems right to you. For some, duty and responsibility is the right thing, but for others it may be the right thing to follow your heart.

[ So -- ]

What do you want to do.

[affectueux]

[ serge considers it carefully. the problem is that it’s so hard. his aunts, who made his life hell, no longer even live on the estate. he isn’t free from it all and he wouldn’t be if he returned now, but—it’s impossible not to try to justify it. ]

But what if my honest self is wrong? What if he’s just being selfish?

[affectueux]

[ the man sounds so confident. despite serge’s best efforts to treat this all with gravity, he audibly sighs. ]

We… tried that. But it’s harder than we could have possibly imagined.

[affectueux]

[ sanguis really hit this one hard. serge’s brow furrows, not from the words at first, but just from the poor deer’s appearance.

the words are not unwise, though. once serge has had his fill of curious investigation, he responds. ]

I want to be with… that person. Yet I know our relationship can’t possibly last. Is it still worth my fleeting happiness now?

[affectueux]

When I first came here, I… feel bad saying it, but I was excited. I thought this might have been a chance to refresh my mind.

[ he slides his fingers into his hair, frustrated. ]

But it’s been months now, and my feelings haven’t changed. I fear they never will, and I’m letting down my family because of it. I’m already letting down the one I love by struggling to this degree.

[noenvy]

What made it so hard?

[He was genuinly curious.]

Did people hunt you down?

[affectueux]

[ serge shakes his head. it might have been easier if that were all, but the reality is more insidious. ]

We both come from lives of luxury. We had been at a private school before this. When we ran away, we obviously lost contact with our families…

[ … ]

It’s hard for two teenagers to make a living. It’s harder when one of them is— [ he hesitates. ] A member of an unwelcome social group. We have no money.

[noenvy]

I guess it's hard when you're gentry to try and blend in with the small people.

[He could always take care of himself, money or not, somehow.]

If you truly love someone and want to be with them, abandoning everything should be fine. Jobs can be what you find on the way. Maybe farming? You make your own food, can trade for things that are needed. Hunt for food, use the talents you have and charge for them if you must.

[Of course his idea of gentry was very different. A different time, a different country.]

[liberaltus]

And spending your entire life screaming on the inside is the opposite of selfish? Marrying some poor individual and living a life of luxurious despair is the opposite of selfish? Trust me, my parents married because it was arranged for them as well and they resented each other. The coy insults were spectacular especially at parties, they've divided up the estate so they rarely had to be bothered with one another's company. They wanted the same thing for me: marry the girl, take up my father's position in the magisterium, keep everything unsavory locked away. My parents disagreed with my choices and I did not care for theirs either and so I left. It's not easy, it's hardly fun, it takes fortitude to turn your back on family and tradition...but it was either that or be as miserable and dimensionless as my parents. I'm far too clever for that

video, un: stcethleannfan

[baitless]

...I suppose I'm not surprised to hear that this sort of thing happens in other worlds, but... it saddens me to hear it, even so.

[He sighs a bit.]

Personally, I think it is most crucial for you to determine what you feel is truly important to you, in terms of your beliefs and what you truly want from your future. I know you likely feel a responsibility to your family, but I feel as though acting against what you truly desire will not end terribly well for anyone.

video | un: druidic

[arrowroot]

All the kowtowing to "expectations" means nothing in the end if you're so miserable you can't enjoy any of the benefits you could possibly get from it.

I had to decide once to choose between the limited scope of my reach as a soldier and the needs of people I could help if I was my own authority. It was difficult because some part of me always expected to have a higher authority to answer to and going it alone often meant being looked down on by those who had a negative impression of guilds but I honestly don't regret my decision.

I think you should do what's best for you in the long run, not what's going to make others happy.

[affectueux]

[ serge has things waiting for him on the battour estate. he has angeline, and god willing, he has claude as well. it’s been years since he’s been back there, now, and he doesn’t know how much it’s all changed.

still, the passion of those words don’t miss him entirely. ]

You sound too clever for that.

[ he acknowledges, with a little smile. ]

My parents ran away to be together, and my father died before he could regret his choices. I don’t know if he even would have. [ in lieu of his own father, however— ] I guess you don’t regret it at all.

[affectueux]

Seteth…

[ no honorifics or titles. serge must really be down in the dumps. ]

It isn’t only my family I’d be fighting. That’s what makes this so hard… being with me would certainly make life harder for the person I love, and their life is already so hard. I wonder if it isn’t best for everyone if I fall back in line.

[affectueux]

What’s best for me is something impossibly selfish. It might even be unattainable… I’m beginning to feel as if I’ll be miserable either way.

[ not because of his love for gilbert, but because of the pervasive awareness that he’ll never be good enough. ]

What if you had chosen the path you’re on now, and in the end, it made things worse for you? Even though you’ve followed your heart…

[affectueux]

[ this man makes it sound attractively easy, even if what he’s describing would actually be hard work. impossible work, in fact, for someone like gilbert.

any interest serge had in the idea disappears from his eyes, when he thinks about the reality. ]

No. We can’t do that. I’m sorry to sound so defeatist, but…

[noenvy]

I'm sorry I don't have any better ideas.

I eloped, but, traveling on the road wasn't an issue, and Lan Zhan has plenty of money. The small people will also generally do what they can to make cultivators comfortable, so there was never anything lacking.

Maybe I'm a little spoiled....

[arrowroot]

Well, considering the fact that my involvement in Elona prevented a lot of death and destruction but was far from a perfect ending, I can't imagine how much worse it could have been.

But... speaking hypothetically? I still would have done it, if only to say that I tried. You can't accomplish anything by simply sitting on your laurels hoping another solution is going to present itself.

[affectueux]

Hah… if only I had laurels to rest on!

[ although there’s no mirth in his voice, there isn’t any malice either. he doesn’t begrudge her blunt advice. ]

We did end up running away from it all. The moment I return, assuming I do, we’ll still be jobless and homeless and almost certainly incapable of improving either. The smart thing to do would be to give up, don’t you think? We tried, and we failed. It’s foolish to keep going on a futile path. It isn’t like fighting for the good of others at all.

[ he sighs. ]

I almost envy you.

[affectueux]

[ …serge finds himself smiling, despite the fact that he should feel nothing but envy. ]

I’m spoiled to be able to ask the question at all. I think there are plenty of people who couldn’t dream of having a choice. So there’s no need to apologize. [ serge pauses. ] Are you happy with, um… “Lan Zhan”?

[ his pronunciation is off, but he’s trying, you know. ]

video » un: mcarter

[mucked]

[ —somehow, serge's question makes her heart ache. he's a stranger to her. equally...she's something of an iron lady, adept at keeping her emotions at bay. but she finds herself drawn to answer.

even when she knows her answer won't hardly be helpful. ]

I think you have to do what's right. [ she sighs, acknowledging with a touch of exasperation that she understands that her advice is hardly actionable. ] Whether that's doing right by your family or doing right by your heart.

[ however... ]

Some of us hardly have the constitution for marriage. There's no shame in that.