[video; UN: little.blind]

[firstkissofsteel]

[At first, the video starts off completely black, and there's a shriek of pure fear] Stay away! Y-you stay away!

[There's a crashing noise and the sounds of a brief struggle, then running feet and a door being slammed. For a few seconds there's nothing but the sound of labored breathing and a terrified little hiccup before A-Qing fiddles with the communicator, brow furrowed slightly as she looks at the camera.

Well 'looks.' She doesn't appear to be really seeing, but it doesn't matter right now.] Ugh, I hope this is on, hey! I need help!

[A-Qing winces and turns her head away, lowering her voice to a fierce whisper] Xue Yang's lost it. He's absolutely lost his mind. He went on a total rampage, our house is just-- It's a mess. It's definitely gone to the birds. He's just destroying everything and I--

What do I do? I can't fight this! I don't know how to use a sword! If I beat him with my walking stick, I'll just break the stick! I-I don't--

[She cuts herself off with a sharp, terrified inhale, going still as she strains to listen. There's a faint, odd noise and A-Qing shivers]

He's gonna be the death of me. This is it, this is how I go. I didn't even get to eat all the sweets this place had to offer.

[She shifts, the light barely illuminating her face as she eases a door open, revealing she's been hiding in a closet.]

Look, he's at it again!

[She angles the camera around to reveal the entire room is destroyed because... It's covered in turkeys. Just dozens of turkeys everywhere milling about and in the middle of them is one Xue yang, laughing softly to himself in a slightly unhinged way. Some of the turkeys appear to be wearing clothes.Distinctly feminine clothes, western-style dresses mostly. Some of A-Qing's hair accessories seem to be taped to them to mimic like they're wearing them. And then... he gobbles at them. He can hardly keep himself upright as his laughter grows and A-Qing makes a disgusted noise as she withdraws.]

See? What the hell do I--

["A-Qing, is that where you've been hiding? Hey, come here, try this!"

A-Qing makes a strangled noise and yelps:] Help me! [before the video goes dark.]

Comments

[menaces]

My mind? Please, A-Qing. I haven't had that in years.

[ he scoffs, then laughs again. his mind. his mind. god, what a joke. but he guesses that works. his whole life is a joke. his whole existence is a joke.

also, when is the last time you saw xue yang think anything through? ]

I'm already doing something with them? [ by which he means gobble at them and try to stuff them into human clothes. there are loose feathers everywhere. ] Come here, it's fun!

[firstkissofsteel]

Yeah, well... That’s fair... [She mumbles to herself because, like, yeah? Yeah. She can’t argue with that one. But he’d at least had some degree of pretend sanity for a while now. But now Song Lan had disappeared and Xue Yang...

Xue Yang lost his emotional support corpse.

But then she’s back to raising her voice to be heard] We can’t keep all these overgrown chickens forever!

[menaces]

Yeah? So? [ xue yang's laughter drops, like flipping a switch. one second he's laughing, drinking, wandering amidst his flock in reckless joy, in savage amusement, and the next his smile has the bite of steel, gaze as dark and cold as a grave. ] When do we get to keep anything forever?

Why are you worried about it when nothing ever lasts, huh? [ he challenges, sneering, still across the room but spitting accusations as though he has her by the throat. ] You've gotten too comfortable for a girl who grew up on the streets, A-Qing.

It's gonna get you hurt. It's gonna get you killed.

You've forgotten what it's like without Xiao-daozhang at your side, and that's just a tragedy waiting to happen.

[firstkissofsteel]

[She wishes instantly to flee back to the relative safety of the closet, for all the illusion of protection that it offered her. In one hand she grips at her communicator, and in the other the bamboo walking stick they both know she doesn’t actually need except, perhaps, in moments like these to defend herself.

Her jaw sets stubbornly against the rise of fear that settles heavy in her stomach like a lead weight, against the trembling that begins in her limbs. Daozhang will be here soon, she reassures herself, and knows the second the thought forms that Xue Yang is right.]

So what if I am? What’s wrong with that? I still remember the days without him too. I like this way more. He could leave one day, sure. But so could you. And so could I. So what? I’m not going to worry about it.

[’It’s gonna get you killed’ he’s said. That Lan boy had mentioned—had said—that she was dead in the future. She’d been trying not to think too much about it, but she knew, instinctively, who was behind it. Maybe she didn’t know the details of the ‘why’—didn’t want to know—but it didn’t matter.

She lifts her chin in challenge, her knuckles bone-white on her stick]

And who’s going to kill me in a place like this, Xue Yang? Da ge?

Is it gonna be you?

[menaces]

Playing stupid, mei mei?

[ speaking slow, he crosses the room in relentless, deliberate strides. he comes up too close, bare inches apart, close enough that a well placed knife would answer the question as well as any word. the manic joy in his eyes goes out, leaving nothing, leaving the kind of dark that sets in during a storming, starless night.

a fractured, shattered thing like xue yang is not suited for heartbreak. it takes him to splinters, to razor edged shards. he is broken, but worse still is how he cannot exist this way without bloodying all that draws near him.

a-qing has already learned this lesson. she just doesn't know it. ]

You're not half as good at that as you think you are. And you're not half as strong as you let yourself believe.

[ at that defiant jut of her chin, he grips her tight by the jaw, jerking her forward to face him, to see him. he laughs, and it sounds like bloody, grinding glass. ]

It might be my hand. It has been my hand. Carving out your clever tongue. [ his thumb drags over her lips, smile as sharp as any blade. ] Plucking out your pretty eyes.

But I won't be the one to kill you, A-Qing.

People like us only die one way. Through carelessness. We forget what it means to survive, we put it in someone else's hands.

And that⁠—

[ he can taste it in his mouth, the blood and the dust and the bitter defeat. he shudders, another shaky, giddy laugh tearing from his throat. ]

...kills us every time.

[firstkissofsteel]

[She stumbles forward a little as he grabs at her chin, unable to dodge away in time. The stick clatters to the ground in her surprise and mentally she curses herself for the fumble, leaving her relatively weaponless. Though she inhales sharply, she grits her teeth against making a sound. She refuses to let herself cry or make any noise of pain, won’t let him have that satisfaction.

Fear grips at her heart like a vice, stopping the air in her lungs. His words don’t make sense— Or, rather, they do, she just doesn’t want them to. She wants to cover her ears and close her eyes and yell at him to shut up, to stop. She’s going to die—Not now. She doesn’t think Xue Yang will kill her right now, but sometimes...

Sometimes, Xue Yang doesn’t play by logic or rules. It wouldn’t make sense to kill her now, not when everyone’s been made aware of where she is and who she’s with. But that doesn’t mean she’s safe from that.

He presses his thumb over her lip and she tries to bite him and misses, the click of her teeth a warning—or it would be, if it wasn’t more like a kitten attempting to fight a tiger.]

That’s just— That’s just shifting the blame and avoiding responsibility for it. [It’s exactly the kind of white lies she would’ve told herself to justify things too.

’That guy was patting my butt, so of course it’s okay to steal from him, he shouldn’t get a service for free!’ Not quite the same, but similar enough. She didn’t steal because she wanted money, exactly, she stole because the guy brought it on himself to be stolen from. A person was killed because they let themselves be the victim.

She’s going to end up with a bruise on her chin from this and how is she going to explain that?]

If you kill me, I’ll definitely come back and kill you.

[Not that she knew that’s exactly what would happen. Did happen. Will happen.]

I’m going to survive this. All of this. Song-daozhang leaving and these stupid turkeys and you losing your stupid mind. And you’re going to survive this too, because if you don’t, if you really lose it, I’m going to kill you with my own bare hands.

You’re supposed to be a big brother and part of this family whether you want it or not, so shape up already.

[menaces]

[ it's not until she promises to kill him that there's a flicker of recognition amid his madness, and when she repeats the thread sobriety sparks in his eyes, an ember of restraint taking hold as his grip loosens, as he's able to release the breath that was carving his lungs bloody. kill him. Kill him.

and she did, didn't she? She had, back then. robbed of sight, of voice, she still found away to damn him right back. if there's anyone he can rely on, it's her. it's her. it's always been her.

the same, they're the same, but she survived in ways he didn't, endured the streets in such a way that she still came out a lovable thing.

he draws a knife from his sleeve, still sheathed. it's a pretty black lacquered thing, carved with the characters '承诺'.

'oath, promise.'

it was song lan's a gift, abandoned here now that he is gone.

broken.

but perhaps it can be sworn anew. ]

Those better not be empty words, A-Qing. [ he shoves the knife at her, pressing it into her chest, shoving her back in the same motion. ]

That was A-Chen's promise to me too. That I wouldn't be allowed to hurt Xiao Xingchen again. That he'd kill me first.

[ he smiles, and this time it's almost fond. ]

Can you do it? Make hurting you the last thing I ever do.

[firstkissofsteel]

[She stumbles back a couple steps at the shove, hands scrambling to hold onto the knife. She stares at him and then down at it, running her fingertips over the flat side of it. Her heart pounds in her chest and suddenly it feels difficult to breathe. The knife isn’t that heavy, truthfully, but the weight of the commitment attached to it...

A-Qing lifts her gaze to Xue Yang, lips forming a tight, thin line.]

I’ll make sure of it. If it comes down to it, I’ll definitely kill you.

[After a moment, A-Qing looks away, shaking her head.] ...If Daozhang doesn’t kill you first for all these turkeys, anyway. Jeez, seriously, they’re going to get feathers and shit everywhere! We should just move out. Leave the turkeys and go.

[It’s a deliberate change in the subject, towards something lighter now as she puts the knife away carefully.[

[menaces]

[ moving out isn't a terrible idea, actually.

the cramped quarters, the memories, the⁠—

she changes the subject and he lets her, finding a strange, grounding comfort in having passed that terrible burden on.

he believes her. she isn't like xiao xingchen. she's like him.

if it comes down to it, she'll do whatever it takes. ]

...c'mon, let's go get ice cream or something. Find a new place. Not like I don't have the money.

[ slowly, almost hesitantly, he offers her his hand. ]

[firstkissofsteel]

[She looks at his hand and the offering it is, before she reaches out and takes it. The danger has— not passed, exactly, but calmed. A beast laid to rest for now and though she still feels shaky, she at least feels like she can move forward now.]

Fine. But I want one of those big sundaes, with all the candy pieces on top. If I’m not throwing up by the end of it, it wasn’t enough.

[When in doubt, eat yourself sick on sweets.]