prismatica | two, two, two posts in one; 4/6

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two, two, two posts in one; 4/6

[ hey, it's a prismagram post from 1stQadrMargaFan! you know, that one c-plus/b-minus-list influencer who's always posting magic tutorials, fashion selfies, food pics, and random animal encounters. (well, not so much recently, but... yeah.) ]

Hello, First Qadr!! Thank you all so much for your comments and messages over the past couple of weeks. I can't believe I went three entire days without responding to anything! 😳 But I always read everything you send me, and I will try to answer you all as soon as I can. 🧡🧡🧡 But now I must make an important announcement! ✨ Starting today, this account will be going on indefinite hiatus ✨ I will keep comments open, but I won't be posting any more pictures or videos. This is just a personal issue and there's no need for anyone to worry! 🦋😸🍇 I want to say thank you again. Your support over the past several months has meant more than I can possibly express!! You're all breathtaking, with and without your Moonheld and Moonblessed traits! Let's all keep doing the very best we can to look out for one another! 👋🥰

[ a few minutes later, there's another post, from another account: laurea. this one's video. long antennae and parts of the colorful underside of a pair of butterfly wings are visible on the subject (who doesn't appear particularly jazzed about them). ]

Hello.
Ah... this message is primarily for my fellow Moonblessed. For those who don't know me, I am Titus Alexius.
I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and... I think that we ought to, if possible... that is, to the extent that it is possible...

[ deep breath! ]

I think we should stop moonlacing.

[ and now the hurried qualifiers. ]

We need to do a little, of course, to survive. Obviously we should all feel free to do that amount. But beyond that minimum, we should most likely refrain.

[ he hunches his shoulders and looks down!! ]

This will certainly be a great sacrifice... and terribly difficult, especially during the moon cycles... and no doubt quite unpleasant in many ways as well. For some of us more than others. But while the effects of chroma generation initially seemed exclusively beneficial, with the very worst of them still being harmless, it is now more than clear that there are others that are neither predictable nor safe.

[ now he shuts his eyes. ]
...All of Port Sylvel paid the price for that. And many perished in the subsequent battle as well. We cannot bring them back, but we owe it to them not to let it happen again.

[ another deep breath. then he opens his eyes and looks back into the camera. ]

At least that is what I think.
I would like to know what all of you think.

[ there's a slightly awkward pause!! ]

...On that note, I am also looking for work.
I am willing to do anything, though... physically demanding work is probably best avoided, unless you don't mind its being accomplished poorly and only after a likely unreasonable length of time.
Nothing that requires moonlacing, either, though I suppose that much is obvious.

...
And that is all. Thank you!

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People are being quite ungracious to you about this. I don’t think it’s a bad idea… it may be difficult for us, however.

[ serge smiles sympathetically. he knows it can’t be easy to come to the network with this. ]

Oh...
Th-that's kind of you. I...

[ his face crumples a bit, then he schools his expression again... ]

... Sorry.

[ yeah he just breaks down in tears. he switches the feed off as soon as he finds the button. ]

—?

[ serge is left with some whiplash after that response, but he, too, turns off his feed. it’s easier for him to switch to voice than to text, so that’s what he does. ]

Are you all right?

If you are asking that, then I suppose I was doing a better job keeping myself together than I thought. Ha ha. Well It isn't actually funny, I know. Never mind. How are you?

…I am fine. I’m worried about you, Titus.

[ serge responds automatically, but after just a moment’s pause, he continues. ]

I know we may not be “close” in the sense that you would freely indulge your worries, but please, allow me to lend an ear.

But I don't really know what to say. I am just so unhappy and angry that I cannot stand it. I truly thought we were helping this world... and that the problems it faced, while not necessarily simple, had solutions that we were more than capable of reaching together. I was so happy to have come here. But now I don't understand how I could have been so stupid. And So many perished, and yet It feels as though everyone can move on. And I can't understand... How is it possible? Should I be able to do that, too? I don't understand anything I don't know what to do.

[ serge reads titus’ message in silence. once, then once again. it’s full of pain, and even if serge hadn’t already met titus at his best, his heart would hurt for the sincere agony that the words display. what can he possibly say to this? ]

…

[ it’s a little while longer before he does response, still with only his voice, still speaking as soothingly as he can manage. ]

I don’t think you were stupid for thinking that we were helping. Even in the eyes of the native people here, in many ways, we still are. It’s true that we’ve caused problems, however… [ ah, serge, that doesn’t help. ] I don’t think you need to forget what’s happened. But it isn’t your job alone to take responsibility for it, either.

I've troubled you. Perhaps I am indeed being selfish and irresponsible. It was a mistake to think I was ready to face anyone... Please forget about this.

Non! No, you haven’t troubled me, Titus.

[ serge doesn’t know how to tell titus that this really is part and parcel of his daily life. suffering, moral quandaries—he’s been through all of it, though it’s too blithe to just say that. ]

It would trouble me more to end our conversation here.

But what more is there to say? I still cannot figure out what I am lacking. Was I the only one who had never seen slaughter on this scale before? Everyone already seems to know the way to respond.

You aren’t lacking anything! You’re compassionate. You’re worried for those around you… I believe, when you’re full of these kind emotions, it can seem like the absence of something. But that simply isn’t true.

[ he doesn’t know if he’s helping. it certainly doesn’t feel that way. ]

Maybe... But I wonder. Serge, you are a kind person, and so you are finding a kind explanation for how I feel. But I am most likely still thinking only of myself... Perhaps I am just afraid that No, well Have you felt that way before? As though there were an absence of something?

[ serge didn’t expect his insistence to be turned into a question, and he has to think about it. he often feels wrong, but whether or not it’s because of the absence of something doesn’t seem to be quite the right explanation. ]

I admit… no, I haven’t.

[ hypocrite that he is. ]

But I do suffer, in other ways.

Oh Then you were simply guessing it might be like that, for my sake. It seems cruel to ask you to tell me more about your suffering...

Non, please don’t worry about me. I would have hidden it if it truly pained me to talk about.

[ the problem is, he hardly knows how to talk about himself in a way that might be constructive for titus. ]

I suppose… I suffer because I never know what the right thing to do is. The idea that there may not be a right thing is nearly agonizing. You might understand it, in that sense.

I can indeed understand that I am facing such a choice now, in fact. That is, in my own world. Do you suppose it counts as a saving grace that I will not have to live with the consequences?

[ now, that’s alarming. ]

What… do you mean?

It's complicated... The details are probably not particularly interesting. But I was never meant to last. And back there, we are in the midst of a terrible battle. When I use the last of my power, it will be the end, so I have only one chance to make a difference. Moreover Even if I were willing to do nothing, I could live no more than another few days. My life is borrowed from the one who created me, and when I returned, I discovered that she is already on the verge of death.

[ serge doesn’t understand magic. he doesn’t get these artificial creations or this discussion of lifespans, but what he does understand is that titus is talking about his impending death—and he surely has done nothing to deserve it. ]

Titus! There must be something that this place can do for you to prevent that.

[ if chroma can sustain him here, that must count for something. ]

[ in anticipation of serge's response, titus was already getting ready to apologize for telling him something so depressing and that no doubt he'd have been happier not knowing, but... serge's actual response takes him by surprise. ]

There It There is. I actually When I first came here, I had only a few weeks' worth of life energy remaining. But because of how chroma is generated here, I was able to Not run out. I think that I can probably survive as long as I am here. And as long as I, you know Generate enough

[ serge can’t begin to imagine what a terrible burden this must be on titus’ shoulders. and all the time serge has known him, he’s been nothing but so very sweet and encouraging. it makes his chest ache to think he’s taken advantage of that without ever considering the same kindness in return. ]

Then you have to stay!

[ in serge’s mind, it’s as simple as that. ]

There is no shame in living. You can’t help anyone with your death.

[ of course.
it's not like he's never thought about that.
the idea of staying on prismatica forever... it's a tempting one, no doubt. when he'd first come here, he began to wish for it almost at once. but the more time passed, the more achingly he felt the absence of those he loves in his own world... even as there came to be many he loves here, too.

but he hadn't known then what he knows now. he'd thought there was still hope that he could live out a full (or at least a longer) lifespan together with marga and sphintus and everyone. now, though... even if he goes back, he can't be with them for longer than one more day. so the choice, such as it is, should be obvious...

there's only one problem. ]

What if this world is better off without me?

[ no. serge will not allow him to think that way. he knows he becomes blinded by his own past when it comes to thinks like this, but he just can’t stand hearing such an attitude. ]

We have no way of knowing that, but I know for a fact that you would sadden a great many people if you weren’t here.

[ the future is unknown to all, with the exceptions of a rare burdened few, as serge has come to find out. but what he believes in is the present. ]

Serge... Thank you. I am really glad that you are here as well.

[ even without titus’ voice, serge can hear his gratitude in the text. it makes him feel like he really has helped. he would hate to have said all this to no avail. ]

Then, please… the next time such dark thoughts cross your mind, won’t you think of me?

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two, two, two posts in one; 4/6

( video, un: lavieenrose )

video; un: laurea

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