two, two, two posts in one; 4/6

[wearingguess]

[ hey, it's a prismagram post from 1stQadrMargaFan! you know, that one c-plus/b-minus-list influencer who's always posting magic tutorials, fashion selfies, food pics, and random animal encounters. (well, not so much recently, but... yeah.) ]

Hello, First Qadr!!
Thank you all so much for your comments and messages over the past couple of weeks. I can't believe I went three entire days without responding to anything! 😳 But I always read everything you send me, and I will try to answer you all as soon as I can. 🧡🧡🧡

But now I must make an important announcement!
✨ Starting today, this account will be going on indefinite hiatus ✨
I will keep comments open, but I won't be posting any more pictures or videos. This is just a personal issue and there's no need for anyone to worry! 🦋😸🍇
I want to say thank you again. Your support over the past several months has meant more than I can possibly express!! You're all breathtaking, with and without your Moonheld and Moonblessed traits! Let's all keep doing the very best we can to look out for one another! 👋🥰

[ a few minutes later, there's another post, from another account: laurea. this one's video. long antennae and parts of the colorful underside of a pair of butterfly wings are visible on the subject (who doesn't appear particularly jazzed about them). ]

Hello.
Ah... this message is primarily for my fellow Moonblessed. For those who don't know me, I am Titus Alexius.
I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and... I think that we ought to, if possible... that is, to the extent that it is possible...

[ deep breath! ]

I think we should stop moonlacing.

[ and now the hurried qualifiers. ]

We need to do a little, of course, to survive. Obviously we should all feel free to do that amount. But beyond that minimum, we should most likely refrain.

[ he hunches his shoulders and looks down!! ]

This will certainly be a great sacrifice... and terribly difficult, especially during the moon cycles... and no doubt quite unpleasant in many ways as well. For some of us more than others. But while the effects of chroma generation initially seemed exclusively beneficial, with the very worst of them still being harmless, it is now more than clear that there are others that are neither predictable nor safe.

[ now he shuts his eyes. ]
...All of Port Sylvel paid the price for that. And many perished in the subsequent battle as well. We cannot bring them back, but we owe it to them not to let it happen again.

[ another deep breath. then he opens his eyes and looks back into the camera. ]

At least that is what I think.
I would like to know what all of you think.


[ there's a slightly awkward pause!! ]

...On that note, I am also looking for work.
I am willing to do anything, though... physically demanding work is probably best avoided, unless you don't mind its being accomplished poorly and only after a likely unreasonable length of time.
Nothing that requires moonlacing, either, though I suppose that much is obvious.

...
And that is all. Thank you!

Comments

[inuko]

[ He more or less tracked that whole line of thinking? More or less. Enough to nod and go: ]

Yeah, I think so.

[ Because his end opinion will be the same: it matters when people want it to matter, and otherwise, it doesn't. Like it matters to him not to be called girly, because he's not a girl, and that whole period of his life was like one elaborate act he put on and didn't even properly survive. ]

Uh, probably the arms, though I'd guess the being male if the person you're a not identical twin of is a woman. I'm not sure how different it really is... do you still look pretty close to her?

[wearingguess]

We look very much alike. I am a little bigger and taller, and my hair is cut much shorter... I suppose she looks a bit more youthful, though I am a poor judge of it.

Anyway, it does bother me. But it is a little difficult for me to explain. I don't think that anything important would change if I were female, and I do not really wish I were, but... I am self-conscious about it. When people mistake me for a girl and then discover I am not, I always feel like they are disappointed... or that they're criticizing me.

Part of it is probably that I always feel worried that there is no one else who's the same as I am. So knowing that I am different even from Lady Scheherazade's other clones...

Ah, I cannot explain it well. I get upset, that is all.

[inuko]

[ He subtly leans his arm a little more into and against Titus, a form of reassurance that would matter to him, so he manifests now, without speaking. Murasame has stayed fairly quiet through all this, but he intrudes now, in his own way: snorting and turning his head so one yellow eye locks on to Titus's face. ]

Stupid. Why expect you to be anything but what you are? Stupid and human.

[ He falls silent, fluffing out his feathers and making a grunting sound in his throat, perpetual glare even more pronounced in the moment. Shino keeps himself from using his other hand to reach in and press down on Mursame's head to keep him from talking more, but his demon's not super chatty anyway, and his opinion is usually delivered with an economy of words, if he bothers at all.

Shino frowns, but he gets it. Really, he does. ]

It's irritating not to feel seen. It's not your fault people make assumptions, but why do you have to bear their disappointment, too? Not that it's always nice if they're not disappointed... depending on if their interest was creepy to start with.

[ All from personal experience, though less here, ironically. More at home. ]

But it's nice when you feel like there's somewhere you belong, that you aren't alone. That kind of thing, right? Like you're not the only person having to deal with whatever it is in the world.

[wearingguess]

I suppose it's because a part of me feels that they would be right to be disappointed. Even though I cannot really imagine being personally disappointed over something like that.

[ he nestles a bit closer... it really is reassuring. he feels so much calmer now that he's beginning to notice things he'd been too keyed up for before, like how tired he is, and how hungry. ...but he's not nearly ready to stop sitting together like this just for something as negligible as sleep or food. ]

That's it exactly. Being alone... and being different from everyone else in the world...
I hate that more than anything.

[inuko]

Yeah... me too.

[ Deeply, deeply hates it. He's glad for more of Titus's weight against him, the feedback of moonlacing one of the positives, sure, but the comfort of proximity one that matters to Shino, and always has. ]

I...

[ He trails off, then leans more into Titus, because there are things even almost a year here haven't made okay. Haven't solved. Have, in some ways, made worse. ]

I don't know that there's anything I fear more than living and being alone, with no one beside me. So... I hate it, too. The idea of it, or defending what you are, when people assume what it is you've gotta be.

[wearingguess]

Living alone...

I never even thought about that. All this time, what I've been terrified of is dying... but it was because I wanted so badly to keep living together with the ones I love.

[inuko]

Mm... It's what we all want, right? Not to leave the people we love. Even if we know one day, we're going to have to anyway.

[ He half closes his eyes, staring down at his presently untattoo'd arm. With Murasame still in Titus' lap, there's no reason it would show his seal.

One way or another, he is always going to have to leave the ones he loves. In this world, or in his own. ]

It's the kind of fear worth having, isn't it? The one that says we've loved anyone enough to not want to lose them, or let them lose us.

[wearingguess]

Maybe so.
You know, I...
I promised Marga that I would stay with her forever. I won't be able to do that now... but...

At least, as long as I am here, I can stay with you.

[inuko]

[ His hand tightens it's grip on Titus's, and he leans in a little more, a pointed presence, like the demon crow playing huggable play-thing in his lap. None of them get to ultimately know for sure when they leave, or someone leaves, or if they can be there for the people they care about in the ways they want to. No matter which child it is they've taken in, what family they built for themselves.

But they had those relationships. They've made those families. And that's precious and powerful, all things considered. ]

Me too. I'll stay with you too, as long as I can, so don't go trying to throw away the family you've got here, okay? That'll just make me angry, and I'll have to kick your butt when you wake up from going crystal.

[ A small, sideways smile, because it's earnest, deadly earnest, but also a small tease. The kinds of threats friends aren't ever supposed to need to follow through on. ]