text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

Hey, maybe this is going to sound like kind of a silly question, but — does anybody have any advice for staying focused while studying for exams? I really don't remember it being this hard! I mean...sure, it's been a really long time since I've had to study like this, but it shouldn't be that tough to pick up again, right?

Though I guess I ought to know better than to try to study during Cordis, but...

Well, my plans to study during Sanguis kind of got...interrupted! So now here I am, going over everything, and I keep getting sidetracked by one thing or another. Half the time I want to get up and eat, and then other times I want to lie down and take a nap...ugh!

But I really need to stop letting so much time go to waste. I made a promise to myself that I was going to do this! And I've worked this hard already for months and months, I can't trip at the finish line now!

Jeez, maybe I ought to borrow some catnip from the cafe and sprinkle it on my books, I bet I'd pay attention to them then.

(This is actually my first time being a cat for Cordis — I guess you could say it's pretty im-purr-essive that it hasn't happened before now! Especially what with owning a cat cafe and all. I just wish it weren't so distracting!)

Comments

[penpoint]

He said, exactly - that I am not good enough for you - and that you only needed me for physical objects.

[ And for all that he seems to care very little what people think of him, it does matter him how they they perceive he treats Reimi. So he definitely got mad, very mad. And he even seems to bristle at the thought. ]

Of course I thought you were better with me, but I'm still not mad at you, nor do I want any apologies. I know better than to believe anything he said to me.

[doreimi]

...Yeah. You know that's wrong. And I'm the only one who gets to decide what's good for me.

[But this is one of her oldest apprehensions realized, isn't it? It's why she never tells anyone what she did for Rohan back home, why she's always vague about the details. Because someday, someone would use that against him. Because Rohan is impenetrable in so many ways, but not about her.

She sighs, putting her pizza down, and folds her hands in her lap.]

Did...when you were talking to him. Did you say that you were my boyfriend?

[penpoint]

No -- I. I told him I love you.

[ Wait. Wait. Wait --

And with that, he realized he hadn't really talked to anyone other than Setsura - and Reimi, of course - about his feelings for her.

It hadn't even really occurred to him that this was a conversation to be had, if he were honest. Dating, relationships, things like that - it weren't things he just did. He felt like his confession to her, almost two months ago now - had simply opened the door. It created some understanding.

And it pulled Reimi from being in the dark of where she stood with him. ]

I mean - we never talked about that.

[ That's something you're supposed to do, right? ]

[doreimi]

I know we haven't. That's why I was a little surprised, but...

[She shrugs. Isn't this just utterly backwards? They've both confessed, they live together, they kiss. And yet they're both holding back from putting a label on any of this, because they've never actually sat down to talk about it.]

I just — I wasn't sure if maybe it slipped out when you were talking to him, or if it was something he came up with on his own. You know, his interpretation.

[penpoint]

It must be what he interpreted.

[ He realizes, sometime as he's talking to her, that it wouldn't really be any different. At least not as far as he knows? It's not as though he's actually had anything like this before. So, he asks. While he still sounds sure of himself. Typical to himself, thinking he can't make any mistakes... there's not the same confidence she'd recognize from the night he told her he loved her. He had...weeks to think about that.

But -- this, this was only seconds, maybe a minute or two. ]

Is that what you want? I mean -

For me to be?

[doreimi]

I...

[She ducks her head, staring down at her hands. How is she supposed to find the right words for how she feels? It shouldn't be that hard, but if she makes even one misstep, it'll be a catastrophe.

Her fingers curl around the hem of her shirt, twisting and untwisting the fabric as she quietly fusses.]

Not like this. Not because someone else said so, and not...

[She chews her lip.]

That's not how it's supposed to work, you know? It's not supposed to be, "if you want this, then I'll give it to you". If you're asking, then it should be because you want it...you know?

Maybe that...doesn't make a lot of sense. But — I don't think the question is, do I want a boyfriend. I think the more important one is, do you want a girlfriend.

[penpoint]

[ He looks like he's actually thinking, processing the information. And it's true, it should only be something he says or asks for because he wants it, not because he thinks someone might want it of him. And, he'd never really thought about it, if he were honest. He was...happy with things.

He was happy being in her bubble, and content sharing his with her. He liked holding her hand, kissing her. He slept better knowing she was in the next room over, and safe. But more so when he could sleep next to her.

But he doesn't know if any of that means anything. He doesn't really know what it means. But - somewhere in his thoughts he realizes -

He doesn't think it'd be any different.

What else is there to add to the two of them, after all? ]

Only if it were you.

[ It seems like he was quiet for awhile, as if he were trying to find a good way to answer it. He wouldn't like any of those things with someone else. Not in the same way, at least. Not in the way where there's feelings attached to every little thing he does. It isn't simply that he tolerates time with Reimi, he actually enjoys it. ]

[doreimi]

Only me...?

[It's not that it's surprising. It's just something that bears repeating, like she needs to test the words on her tongue to appreciate the depth of them. That's just how Rohan is, though, isn't it? He's always said as much, that no one has ever really caught his eye or his interest, no matter how they might have vied for his attention.

Except her. She's different, she's special. Rohan doesn't want a girlfriend unless it's her.

And she believes him. Of course she does, because she knows full well it isn't just empty flattery or idle words. Certainly Rohan could have anyone he wanted if he really set his mind to it, but he doesn't. He doesn't want just anyone, he wants her.

She breathes in slowly.]

It's a lot of work, you know. Being a boyfriend. You might — have to take classes, or something.

[It's a shy little joke, but the attempt at levity is a good sign.]

And a lot of practice. Do you think you're up to it...?

[penpoint]

I don't think classes would work, anyway.

[ It's easy to return the tease. Just a bit. Although he's honest in what he says, too. It is about experience. He's always about experience, although getting to this point - for him - wasn't easy. He knows he'll figure it out. He'll try for Reimi. He'll always try for Reimi. ]

I think being a boyfriend is more like on the job training, Reimi.

[ He's still joking, just a little. ]

But I think I can handle it. And I think I'll have to just trust that you continue being honest with me.

[ About -- when he does things she likes or dislikes. He's still learning, and to be honest, it's kind of -- fun to learn things this way, which is surprising. He typically prefers the fastest method when learning about someone. She's so often the exception. ]

Besides, you're worth it, Reimi-chan.

[ The way he says it, it as if it should be obvious to her, too. He leans into his chair, folding one leg over the other, and taking a bite of a breadstick. ]

[doreimi]

Oh, I don't know. If there's one thing I've figured out this month, it's that you can learn a lot from classes.

[That one gets a soft laugh out of her, even.]

So...are you saying you want to try, then? Because for something like that, you have to say the words. And...you know, and mean it, and everything. It's not something you get to just imply or assume.

[penpoint]

I'll look into it, then.

[ Definitely joking, He looks like he's thinking about it, as if to leave something up in the air for just a few moments. He is thinking, though. Not about whether or not he wants to, but how to say it. He picks his words carefully, concise, straight-forward. He finds this is the best approach. And now, he just says it. Words he never thought he'd say, and words he doesn't think he'll ever use again because he meant it when he said he didn't want it with anyone but her. ]

Reimi-chan -- I want [ not do you want ] to be your boyfriend. Will you be my girlfriend?

[ It felt... weird to say, admittedly. Not bad, though. Just -- different. Maybe he should have asked her two months ago when he told her he loved her. Probably. Maybe one day he'll figure out the proper way to do things. ]

[doreimi]

[And there it is. Simply, elegantly, he'd mustered the nerve to say it and he'd said it, ostensibly, because it's what he'd wanted.

And to think, it's only been...what, eight months since they first held hands? That's practically an entire school year, gosh.

Still, the sound of the request gives her a pleasant shiver, and her lip catches beneath her teeth a minute before, gradually, she can't suppress the smile tugging at the edges of her mouth any longer.]

Yeah. Yeah, I will.

[Hey. Hey, guess what? She's Kishibe Rohan-sensei's girlfriend. Yeah, that Kishibe Rohan. The famous one. The cool, smart, incredibly talented one. That's her boyfriend. That's hers.

She claps a hand over her mouth, unable to hold back a soft and girlish giggle.]

Sucks to be all those other admirers of yours, I guess...!