( video, un: koriel - slightly forward-dated )

[passio]

[ on the morning of the 14th, everyone’s feeds get to enjoy what appears to be a somber-looking video of a somber-looking man. his shoulders are hunched, his eyes downcast, and one might wonder why he’s making a video if he’s going to look this sad while doing it. don’t worry about it. ]

It’s…

[ he falters. he should have planned this out a little better. ]

I’m sorry to bring them up again, but what was said about the Oracles of the Sinless has been weighing on my mind. One of those members mentioned wanting to “reset” the world…

[ a new game+, as tarn put it. ]

My world is… I… [ although he can't finish his thoughts, it doesn't sound like he's getting emotional. his voice is quiet, but even-toned. ] It’s been destroyed. Most people are dead, and those that aren’t are… unwell. And when I think about that, the idea of resetting the world doesn’t seem wrong.

[ he seems to realize that he’s dangerously close to spreading cult propaganda, and he looks up at the camera with the first fluctuation of emotion—from a kind of downtrodden pensiveness to concern. ]

But I don’t think it seems right, either. I don’t know. [ he glances away from the camera once again. ] The Sinless must be scared. They don’t want the world to get worse. Our arrival here… it makes beautiful things, but maybe…

…um. I wanted to know what everyone else thinks.

Comments

[passio]

[ dextera lets akira brush his hair, and though the contact from the moonlacing was already nice, there’s an added, simple, physical element to feeling his hair stroked like that. he breathes in then out, over and over, to try to make himself calm. ]

…yes.

[ quietly. ]

I’m glad we did. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to leave you. [ that’s a little more honesty, instead of self-deprecation. ] And I’m glad you’re here now, too.

[lacrimose]

Me too.

[He's glad not just that he's still alive, of course, but that he can be here for Dextera, as well. He relaxes his grip on him a little once he feels Dextera beginning to calm down, easing the hug just enough to study Dextera's face.]

You helped me, so now it's my turn. I'll be right here for you whenever you need it.

[passio]

[ dextera always needs it. there will never be a moment in his life where he doesn’t feel as if he would be better off in someone else’s arms, like this, but at the same time he can’t possibly deserve this. ]

…

[ his gaze lowers when akira looks at his face, but at least he’s no longer running from this kindness. he’s trying to accept it. ]

I just thought… I don’t have any right to judge those who are members of the Sinless. They’re more righteous than I am.

[lacrimose]

Even if you think that, it doesn't mean you have to agree with what they want. Even if you don't think you're a good person... that doesn't make them right.

[Akira reaches up to pat him on the head affectionately, maybe a little teasing, and offers a smile. Maybe he can't convince Dextera of his goodness, but maybe there are other things he can do to cheer him up.]

I think you just need to stop getting stuck in your head for a while. Is there anything I can do for you? Are you thirsty?

[passio]

…huh?

[ dextera doesn’t expect akira to keep offering these things. beyond being given a hug and a place to clear his mind, why would dextera expect anything else? yet here akira is, warm and generous for reasons dextera simply can’t understand.

but dextera is so glad he’s here. ]

Can you just… stay?

[ quietly. almost bashfully. ]

I’ll go back once I’m alone. I know that… so I need someone here.

[lacrimose]

Yeah, I'll stay as long as you want.

[He grins and the headpat turns into a hair ruffle.] And when you get sick of me, you can kick me out again. Sound like a good deal?

[passio]

[ dextera closes his eyes when his hair gets ruffled, but he doesn’t look like he dislikes it. it’s just not a form of affection he’s used to… though it’s nice. akira is nice. ]

Okay.

[ he doesn’t think he could actually get sick of akira’s presence, but he understands what it means—only when dextera is ready to be on his own again, confident enough to say it, then it’ll be fine for them to part. ]

I don’t understand… how you can do it, Akira. You’ve seen so much, but you’re still…

[ … ]

Hopeful.

[lacrimose]

[The reaction is a little more muted than Akira had been hoping for, but Dextera doesn't seem to hate it, either. His hand drops back to his side.]

I've seen a lot, sure... but there are still plenty of people I care about. So long as those people are around, I won't give up hope.

[In this world, his own, or any other they might wind up in.]

[passio]

[ dextera’s gaze follows his hand. it seems he liked the touch more than he let on, but… he’ll keep it to himself. instead, he invites akira further in, awkwardly brushing assorted items and clothes out of the way so that it looks less like a disaster area.

his parasite scuttles by, dodging the presence of another person. ]

…

[ as dextera drapes a coat over the arm of his couch, he looks back. ]

Are you fighting for them? [ he no longer seems quite so pained by his own thoughts. he’s calmer, after that warm hug and gentle touch. ] To keep them safe?

[lacrimose]

[Akira startles as he watches the parasite dart by, but notices Dextera doesn't seem surprised by it.]

A pet? [Kind of a weird one, but then, he and his demon kitty probably shouldn't judge.]

Yeah. There are people here who I want to protect, but there's someone back home, too. Someone really important.

[passio]

[ dextera nods. it’s the closest thing he has to a pet, at least.

akira’s explanation is more important, though, and dextera searches his memory for who akira might be referring to. it’s not ryo, and the only other name akira has ever mentioned is— ]

Your friend Miki.

[ the girl that ryo hates, for reasons dextera understands, if only through sympathy for ryo. ]

[lacrimose]

Yeah. It feels like forever since I last saw her, but it doesn't mean I've ever stopped thinking about her. If I can see her again, and keep her safe... everything will be okay. I'll stay human.

[Of course he cares about Ryo a lot, too. Dextera knows that. But it's hard to think about Ryo and cling to hope when Ryo was dead set on destroying everything he wanted to protect.]

[passio]

[ truth be told, and shamefully now, dextera has never thought about akira’s struggles with himself. he knows these basic facts: akira is good, akira cares. after seeing him a couple months ago, he knows that akira was a very different person before ryo forced him to become devilman, though not necessarily better or worse. but what goes on internally, behind all of that?

dextera hasn’t asked. his expression softens. ]

Is that what you’re worried about? Staying human?

[lacrimose]

Yeah.

[Akira's expression flickers and he looks away, as if internally debating with himself whether he should say anything more. After that hesitation, though, he continues:]

There's a beast inside me. It wants to scream, destroy, violate... Every day it could explode out of me. When the moons are out, it gets even worse.

[passio]

[ dextera nods. the parasite crawls up the back of his couch, and dextera gently scoops it up, letting it escape into his coat. ]

I want to hear about it.

[ akira had come here for dextera, but dextera isn’t trying to deflect. it helps him, too, to be able to listen to others. ]

Please.

[lacrimose]

[Akira moves to lean on the arm of a chair. He's not exactly happy about the turn in conversation topic, but Dextera knows enough about him now that it wouldn't seem right to keep anything more from him.]

What do you want to know? I don't mind answering questions, but...

[The answers aren't exactly going to be pleasant.]

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t want to force akira to recall unpleasant things, so he approaches this in the best way he can: commiseration. he doesn’t think akira knows half of the things dextera has done, and on this day, it feels wrong to pretend he doesn’t have blood on his hands. ]

It seems like… you can make all those impulses work for you.

[ dextera clenches his fist. ]

When I feel those things… I listen to them. I can’t stop myself.

[lacrimose]

Like what? When?

[He studies him with concern. Akira is at least aware that Dextera is more powerful than he appears, but he's never seen him do anything harmful with that power.]

[passio]

…

[ dextera shakes his head—not refusing to explain, but uncertain of how to even begin and what can be said about where he started. it all comes out in a nervous tic. ]

There’s blood on my hands. Not just from the end of the world. I was cruel to people who didn’t deserve it. [ he keeps his gaze downward. ] It was like my body wasn’t my own, at those times. I would hurt and hurt and hurt.

[lacrimose]

Oh... [He's held it back so far, but tears well in Akira's eyes, and he looks away. He's never seen Dextera be cruel to anyone, so he can't even imagine it.]

Was someone using you? Or controlling you?

[passio]

…

[ dextera doesn’t want to cast a darkness on the archangel’s name, when it wasn’t the archangel that caused him to lash out. he was the one who kept dextera in line, in fact.

though none of it would have happened if not for his intervention in the first place. ]

Akira…

[ those tears make him feel bad. but it’s what he did. ]

I can’t blame it on anyone else.

[lacrimose]

But it isn't you.

[Akira had never seen Dextera hurt anyone, either here or in the place they were at before. He's naturally a gentle person, not someone given to violent impulses like Ryo. Or like Akira himself, in certain circumstances.]

Even if you can't blame anyone else, is it really fair to blame yourself?

[passio]

…

[ dextera has never considered that he doesn’t have to blame anyone at all. it doesn’t seem right to consider such behavior the consequence of the world he lives in, and yet—that’s precisely what it is, for the others. they can’t help it any more than he can. ]

It’s the only thing I know how to do.

[lacrimose]

You're not a bad person.

[Akira will say it as many times as he needs to hear it, wiping aggressively at his still-tearful eyes.]

That thing I saw a second ago... What was it? [The parasite, he means.]

[passio]

…?

[ dextera is distracted from his pain by the question, and he touches his shirt, rustling the fabric enough for the parasite to crawl up and out of his collar. ]

It’s my parasite. [ pause. ] One of them.