( video, un: koriel - slightly forward-dated )

[passio]

[ on the morning of the 14th, everyone’s feeds get to enjoy what appears to be a somber-looking video of a somber-looking man. his shoulders are hunched, his eyes downcast, and one might wonder why he’s making a video if he’s going to look this sad while doing it. don’t worry about it. ]

It’s…

[ he falters. he should have planned this out a little better. ]

I’m sorry to bring them up again, but what was said about the Oracles of the Sinless has been weighing on my mind. One of those members mentioned wanting to “reset” the world…

[ a new game+, as tarn put it. ]

My world is… I… [ although he can't finish his thoughts, it doesn't sound like he's getting emotional. his voice is quiet, but even-toned. ] It’s been destroyed. Most people are dead, and those that aren’t are… unwell. And when I think about that, the idea of resetting the world doesn’t seem wrong.

[ he seems to realize that he’s dangerously close to spreading cult propaganda, and he looks up at the camera with the first fluctuation of emotion—from a kind of downtrodden pensiveness to concern. ]

But I don’t think it seems right, either. I don’t know. [ he glances away from the camera once again. ] The Sinless must be scared. They don’t want the world to get worse. Our arrival here… it makes beautiful things, but maybe…

…um. I wanted to know what everyone else thinks.

Comments

[passio]

[ dextera nods. it’s the closest thing he has to a pet, at least.

akira’s explanation is more important, though, and dextera searches his memory for who akira might be referring to. it’s not ryo, and the only other name akira has ever mentioned is— ]

Your friend Miki.

[ the girl that ryo hates, for reasons dextera understands, if only through sympathy for ryo. ]

[lacrimose]

Yeah. It feels like forever since I last saw her, but it doesn't mean I've ever stopped thinking about her. If I can see her again, and keep her safe... everything will be okay. I'll stay human.

[Of course he cares about Ryo a lot, too. Dextera knows that. But it's hard to think about Ryo and cling to hope when Ryo was dead set on destroying everything he wanted to protect.]

[passio]

[ truth be told, and shamefully now, dextera has never thought about akira’s struggles with himself. he knows these basic facts: akira is good, akira cares. after seeing him a couple months ago, he knows that akira was a very different person before ryo forced him to become devilman, though not necessarily better or worse. but what goes on internally, behind all of that?

dextera hasn’t asked. his expression softens. ]

Is that what you’re worried about? Staying human?

[lacrimose]

Yeah.

[Akira's expression flickers and he looks away, as if internally debating with himself whether he should say anything more. After that hesitation, though, he continues:]

There's a beast inside me. It wants to scream, destroy, violate... Every day it could explode out of me. When the moons are out, it gets even worse.

[passio]

[ dextera nods. the parasite crawls up the back of his couch, and dextera gently scoops it up, letting it escape into his coat. ]

I want to hear about it.

[ akira had come here for dextera, but dextera isn’t trying to deflect. it helps him, too, to be able to listen to others. ]

Please.

[lacrimose]

[Akira moves to lean on the arm of a chair. He's not exactly happy about the turn in conversation topic, but Dextera knows enough about him now that it wouldn't seem right to keep anything more from him.]

What do you want to know? I don't mind answering questions, but...

[The answers aren't exactly going to be pleasant.]

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t want to force akira to recall unpleasant things, so he approaches this in the best way he can: commiseration. he doesn’t think akira knows half of the things dextera has done, and on this day, it feels wrong to pretend he doesn’t have blood on his hands. ]

It seems like… you can make all those impulses work for you.

[ dextera clenches his fist. ]

When I feel those things… I listen to them. I can’t stop myself.

[lacrimose]

Like what? When?

[He studies him with concern. Akira is at least aware that Dextera is more powerful than he appears, but he's never seen him do anything harmful with that power.]

[passio]

…

[ dextera shakes his head—not refusing to explain, but uncertain of how to even begin and what can be said about where he started. it all comes out in a nervous tic. ]

There’s blood on my hands. Not just from the end of the world. I was cruel to people who didn’t deserve it. [ he keeps his gaze downward. ] It was like my body wasn’t my own, at those times. I would hurt and hurt and hurt.

[lacrimose]

Oh... [He's held it back so far, but tears well in Akira's eyes, and he looks away. He's never seen Dextera be cruel to anyone, so he can't even imagine it.]

Was someone using you? Or controlling you?

[passio]

…

[ dextera doesn’t want to cast a darkness on the archangel’s name, when it wasn’t the archangel that caused him to lash out. he was the one who kept dextera in line, in fact.

though none of it would have happened if not for his intervention in the first place. ]

Akira…

[ those tears make him feel bad. but it’s what he did. ]

I can’t blame it on anyone else.

[lacrimose]

But it isn't you.

[Akira had never seen Dextera hurt anyone, either here or in the place they were at before. He's naturally a gentle person, not someone given to violent impulses like Ryo. Or like Akira himself, in certain circumstances.]

Even if you can't blame anyone else, is it really fair to blame yourself?

[passio]

…

[ dextera has never considered that he doesn’t have to blame anyone at all. it doesn’t seem right to consider such behavior the consequence of the world he lives in, and yet—that’s precisely what it is, for the others. they can’t help it any more than he can. ]

It’s the only thing I know how to do.

[lacrimose]

You're not a bad person.

[Akira will say it as many times as he needs to hear it, wiping aggressively at his still-tearful eyes.]

That thing I saw a second ago... What was it? [The parasite, he means.]

[passio]

…?

[ dextera is distracted from his pain by the question, and he touches his shirt, rustling the fabric enough for the parasite to crawl up and out of his collar. ]

It’s my parasite. [ pause. ] One of them.

[lacrimose]

[Akira grimaces.] A... parasite? Is that... good?

[Usually parasites are not good. Or treated like pets, for that matter.]

[passio]

Mmm… no.

[ dextera will admit that. however, compared to the other one, this is a bonafide friend. he pulls up the sleeve of his coat, exposing his arm—and when he taps his wrist, like he’s trying to call up an earthworm, something wriggles underneath his skin in response. ]

But we’re coexisting.

[lacrimose]

[Ew. Akira has a strong stomach for gross ever since he became a Devilman, but even this is a little too much even for him.]

Why?

[There are far better pets out there, buddy.]

[passio]

[ it’s fine. luckily, dextera can only have one inside him at a time, unless he does some mad science to fuse the two he has. ]

It keeps me from getting a stomachache.

[ don’t ask him how. it just does. ]

[lacrimose]

Can't you just take medication for that? And what are you eating that gives you a stomachache, anyway?

[This is raising more questions than answers... He almost wishes he never asked.]

[passio]

The parasite is preventative.

[ no one has ever said that sentence, certainly, and even dextera doesn’t want to repeat it. ]

…I eat a lot of things. I don’t like making food go to waste.

[lacrimose]

[Akira just stares a little longer, tilting his head.]

You mean like rotting food? Even if you’re avoiding waste, doesn’t it taste bad?

[He’s learning way more about Dextera than he ever anticipated to from this trip, why this.]

[passio]

Sometimes that’s all you have.

[ not here, necessarily. there is literally no reason at all for dextera to make food stretch to the point of rotting, since he has plenty of chroma from the network of friends he’s made who are willing to touch him. ]

And some foods are supposed to be eaten rotten… [ no, he’s thinking of fermentation. ]

[lacrimose]

Like natto? Or cheese? [Wait, those aren't the same things either.]

We're not in that other place any more. You can eat whatever you want here without needing to worry about wasting it.

[passio]

That’s true…

[ dextera knows that he’s not in the town anymore, but he was in a terrible situation for even longer than that. it feels necessary to just take care of what he has here in his own home. ]

…I’ve never had natto before.