prismatica | .text | un: archangel

[ ............... ]

But were you?

Were you happy?

[ That's the question, isn't it. ]

I can't say I wasn't. But I wasn't really me, either.

I'd be a lot more fucked up now if I hadn't spent a few years like that. But the dream turned into a nightmare and I couldn't go back.

Wasn't really you. It was a persona that she gave you, then?

Can I ask you how it became a nightmare? Because you started to distort? Because you went against a world that took away the pain of your life? Why did you want to return to a painful existence? Because the world you experienced wasn't what truly would make you happy?

Basically. Without my memories, I wasn't really me.

For the people who wanted to leave, we realized that a fake life was empty. People aren't really your friends if they're forced to like you, or even if you run away from your problems, you can't run forever, that kind of thing. And yeah, once we started going against things, the world itself was against us, so things were only getting worse before they could get better. It doesn't help that we were all stuck in high school, even the adults like me.

For me specifically... while my dream was to run away from my problems, it was another person's dream to make sure I never forgot them. I didn't have a choice -- even if I got grabbed and brainwashed again, she'd show up to make sure I couldn't forget. Compared to that, I didn't really have a choice but to stop running.

[ Archangel thinks that a person without their memories could become a better version of themselves. Those that say that it isn't really them is just being difficult. But he digresses.

In some ways, he recognizes that he's projecting. He finds the person that is spitting on the idea of being in a world without pain and suffering going against Archangel's ultimate goal for his world.

Humans are so incredibly ungrateful. They would rather live in a world with death and destruction than imagine what it would be like to be in a place where such agony need not be even... a threat! Even a concern! That they could always be with their loved ones without having to be fearful. Certainly... an honest death comes to everyone, but what of it? There may be sorrow from that passing, but until that time, there is actual and real happiness. A happiness that is preserved and held sacred.

He wants to smash something. He wants to destroy something.

Whining, whining, whining. Humans can only whine while they are part of the problems that continue to pollute and ruin the world. Why do the downtrodden and the weak believe that there is no way to escape their situation? Because the world tells them that it is impossible to escape it. That they can only endure and move past it and become stronger?

He grits his teeth. That's bullshit! It's just a way to perpetuate the constant pain that people are in! It's just a way to say that it's meaningful and unavoidable and other lies. Because people don't get to move past what they're really hurting from... they just live with it, and say that they've grown from the experience.... when they shouldn't have had to experience it at all.

He breathes out hard. This is why the common people can't be trusted to maintain and protect their own happiness. ]

[ He composes himself. ]

I see. That's how you viewed it.

I suppose that it only makes sense that the world would turn against you. You were disrupting the paradise that it was attempting to create for you, even if it was poorly executed. [ For one, the AI should have erased their memories as soon as they started showing deviancy. That was just sloppy. But that is what one gets when an inept creature is attempting to do "good." ]

Isn't that rather cruel, though? To wish that you can never run away from what you are suffering from? I can't say I understand the circumstances that you were struggling with, but I can't help but think that's a little unreasonable.

I don't mean that you need pretend that they have never happened, but well, I guess I shouldn't say anything since it's what you decided and you sound sure of yourself. [ If he didn't have to make "nice," if he didn't have to work at establishing positive relationships with people, he wouldn't have yielded even that much. ]

Edited 2020-06-01 19:36 (UTC)

[ Haha yep, there it is. He's the kind of guy who would program a girl like Mu, huh? ]

It didn't help that people started dying in the real world. Plus I seriously didn't want to have to redo high school again...

She wanted to be cruel, trust me. I think if she hadn't messed with me and just done her own thing, maybe things would have gone differently... but this person, her existence in Mobius revolved around making me miserable. That made me wake up, and things started to destabilize after that.

I know I'm past the thought of running, but it's taken me a while to get there.

[ Archie is the kind of guy that would become Mu if he could. ]

Why did they start dying? Was it because of the AI?

I see. What a funny connection that you have to someone else. It makes me think that you were in love with her, though.

[ And going to just ignore that last part, because whatever. ]

[ Those are great dreams, dude. Become a pop idol and brainwash people, that's the dream. ]

Yeah, I think it was from being stuck in the virtual world for too long. I mean, it put your real body in a coma to start with, but some people developed this disease called Astral Syndrome, and their organs started failing.

"Funny" is sure a word for it.... That might've been the case once, but it's really complicated. I don't think I could type it out.

[ It's like he's reading his mind. ]

[ The real dream. ]

I see. [ What a stupid fucking AI. Oh wait. ] Did that mean that they became permanent fixtures in the virtual world?

It seems something better talked about than typed out, anyway.

Like you said, it seems like you have a lot of troubles on your shoulders. I'm certain that there are others that also have troubles that come from their own world that they are not thinking on, too.

In the end, aren't we running away from our problems here because we don't take the time to talk about them? [ HI, HAVE YOU MET A CULT LEADER 'CAUSE YOU MIGHT BE MEETING A CULT LEADER NOW. ]

No, if you died in Mobius you'd die in real life. It worked the same way in reverse.

Right, stories like mine are probably pretty common here. I think it makes it easier to adapt to this stuff, personally.

[ WOW THIS CULT LEADER MAKES SOME SENSE.... ]

The first time I talked about it, I made myself sick. I'd shut myself away from the world for 13 years because of the shit I went through... if you really wanna know, I can tell you, but it's gonna take a bit for me to psych myself up, alright?

[ Archangel goes back to his original assessment. What a fucking inept AI. ]

I see. I can understand even more why you would want to return to reality. You wouldn't want to have spent your final days in such a place.

Of course. I'm not doing this because I desire to hear how you've suffered. I feel like we need to tell each other of the pain we've gone through. When the stories are only our own, we don't realize how sick we're getting by ourselves.

[ Archangel leaves a pause long enough for there to be a "feeling" that he is offering a warm, benevolent smile with his words.

Tick-tock-tick-tock. ]

Edited (don't look at me) 2020-06-02 03:38 (UTC)

I am Archangel.

And I'm happy to wait for you to be ready.

Yeah, you've got a point. The more I say it, the easier it'll get or something.

My name is Shogo Satake. [ Stupid, giving people your full name. Oh, Shogo. He does wait a minute before sending this last message. ]

Anyway, what happened to me wasn't... it goes back to when I was 17. I was dating this girl. We were both into the same kind of music and that kind of thing. She was into some really dark stuff though, I never went that far.

The short of it is she asked me to join her in a suicide pact, and I
I agreed to it. I was such a stupid kid. I was obsessed with her.
When the day came to do it, I was there with her.. we even went to this construction site and found somewhere really high to jump.

[ Good thing this is typed and all going out at once or there'd be another pause there. ]

But in the end I couldn't do it.
We were both going to jump and I just chickened out. I froze. And I watched her fall.
That was 13 years ago and I still get nightmares about it.

Edited (oops cw) 2020-06-02 03:55 (UTC)

It's nice to meet you, Shogo. I'm happy to be able to help you in any way that I can.

[ He also lets there be pauses between his messages to give the indication that he's really thinking and caring about what is said to him. In a way, he is. He does care. He doesn't like people to be in pain, but ultimately he views this to be a failing of those that could have been there for them.

Authoritative figures that could have noticed that the teenagers were exhibiting signs and reached a hand out to them to help before it became so dire. Even if they did not take it, those hands should still be held out to them. Those hands should have been the ones to figuratively and literally catch them.

Because they failed, a young man suffers and grew up with that suffering. He frowns a little as he shakes his head in disappointment. ]

I know you probably have been told this many times, but I know you to know that it wasn't your fault.
It wasn't her fault either.
It wasn't a failing on her or on you.
Neither one of you were wrong, but instead were let down by the world around you.

And so, it's only natural to have nightmares about such things.
But I am happy that you are still alive.
I know that sounds empty given that we have only had this conversation, but we have had this conversation, Shogo.
Can you comprehend the miracle that is? That we should both come to another world? That we should both be given the chance to talk to one another?
That is why I am happy you are alive.
Because it means we can find a way to stop your nightmares together.

Yeah, you're probably right. She had her own problems... even if I could have helped her, it's not like I can go back and fix it now.

I mean, yeah, considering everything, it's pretty crazy for anybody to even be here.

...Thanks, I guess. I don't really know what to say.

[ It's actually nice to hear him say that but also... what do you even say to that? See, Shogo, this is why you end up with these people. Stop trusting people. ]

They aren't as bad as they used to be... I had to face a lot of it in Mobius, so I'm definitely in a way better place than I was when I was stuck in my room. But it's still hard sometimes.

You're right.
We can't go back into the past to save those that we love.
We can only make the world a little better so that others don't suffer as they did.

It's hard to find the proper words, I know.
But I'll take your thanks as meaning that you're taking a positive step today, too.
I won't say that this will be a grand step, a grand moment, but ... I like to hope it's the start.

[ WOW HOW DID ARCHANGEL GET SO MANY PEOPLE TO BELIEVE HIS BULLSHIT? 'CAUSE HE DOES SHIT LIKE THIS. WHERE HE JUST VALIDATES ALL THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS THAT A PERSON HAS AND DOESN'T REALLY HELP MUCH AT ALL. LIKE, "HEY YOU DID WHAT I WANT, BUT YOU'RE STILL A MISERABLE FUCKING FAILURE BUT WITH ME YOU MIGHT NOT BE SUCH A FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF SHIT, AYY!" ]

I can only imagine.
I'm sure they keep you up, even here, though.
I'm sure sleeping is still quite difficult.
Do you have someone to rest with you?
To make you feel safe at night?

I guess.

It helps a little. I'm working on it on my own, too, so thanks.

[ People just want that sweet, sweet validation... ]

It can be, yeah.
Kind of... I guess I feel safer with him?
Wow, this is getting kind of embarrassing.
But I do have someone from home here with me.
I guess you could call him my friend.

You're welcome.

And you shouldn't have to work on it by yourself.

[ BOY DO THEY ]

No need to be embarrassed.
It's good you have someone.
I was worried that you might have no one.
Or friends that you couldn't feel comfortable with sharing this sort of story.

[ First Ichika, then Thorn, then Eiji, now this guy. It just gets better and better for poor Shogo. ]

Well, yeah, but that's part of it, I mean. I try a little every day.

I kinda get what you mean, though.
Whether I liked it or not, all of my friends from back in Mobius ended up finding out. So it's a relief to not have to go through that with at least one person.

[ okie archie, don't go shoving the 30 year old off the cliff yet ]

I suppose.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a meddler.

A relief to feel like someone knows your story.
Yes, I can understand that feeling.
There is comfort in being known.

[ is there? no, he doesn't think so. sorry he just overshares when HE wants to and makes sure the information is tailored to the narrative that he likes, thank you. ]

It's okay.
The more I talk about it, the easier it gets, in a way.

Right. It sucks to feel like nobody. But somebody who knows you can be... weirdly comforting.

[ Wow, look at him saying nice things about Eiji, this is crazy. Maybe he and Archie will fight over who gets to manipulate Shogo. ]

That's good.
I'd be happy to hear it as many times as you like, then.
As many times so it gets easier for you.

Humans weren't meant to live in pain, after all.
We wouldn't be given the ability to feel joy if our life was meant to be miserable.

I agree.

[ hey did you catch that weird thing that he said about happiness. don't worry about it. just literally don't think too hard on it, man. and also FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

"i saw him first in mobius." "yea well i asked him to tell me sad memories and HE DID IT. so clearly dibs." "what" "that's right, motherfucker, dibs! ya didn't call it!" this meta text is getting weird, i'm sorry. ]

Uh, yeah, I think once is enough for now.

[ Slow down there, satan. ]

Maybe that's the case, but we appreciate joy a little more thanks to all the bad times, right?

[ lmao NO JOKE... Eiji got first dibs but the battle is on..... though shogo and eiji are fucking so you got a hard road ahead of you, achiekins ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2 -- hi, tl;dr archie has a bit of a private temper tantrum

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/3

no subject

no subject

private; cw suicide

private; poor shogo gonna get manipulated

private; he has such bad taste in people

private; he really does.........

he's cursed

or super BLESSED... no he's cursed

yeah he's cursed

meeting all the right people is what i'm hearing

he just has the worst taste

stop dumpsterdiving for friends and lovers, shogo

they have a way of finding him...