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I've found myself with more free time than I know what to do with in the evenings.

[Which is to say, he's sleeping as little as humanly possible for the foreseeable future.]

I may as well do something productive with that time, right?

So I was thinking that I would be interested in learning a new language. Or maybe two, though I feel as if learning one at a time may be better. If anyone would be willing to teach me theirs I would appreciate it.

I am also interested in taking up new hobbies if anyone has any suggestion. I have a special interest in engineering and medicine, but in truth my interests are fairly eclectic.

Oh, and I was considering building a new chicken coop for our two hens. I don't suppose anyone has any advice on that? Or on raising chickens in general. I've done a bit of reading but I would enjoy hearing from people who might have more practical experiences.

[He just wants things to do to pass the time since he doesn't have enough to do here compared to back home where he had so many schemes going...and he needed the distraction.

Also, despite his attempts at depriving himself entirely of sleep, he's posting this at a very reasonable hour in the morning...or rather, he's purposefully posting at a reasonable hour so hopefully no one will suspect anything was wrong.]

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[ ah.

there is something he can understand in the sudden melancholy that seems to follow those words. huaisang can... relate to missing someone, deeply and desperately. that is enough for now, isn't it? to have this much in common is sufficient. huaisang finds that trust is a commodity he cannot afford but — ]

Were you able to be of use to that one person? They better have appreciated your efforts, A-Min, if they don't then I will be sure to do so.

Someone who doesn't know better might mistake Huaisang-xiong's words as a marriage proposal.

[He is teasing...but he does appreciate the sentiment.]

As for whether I succeeded in my goals...not at first, but I did eventually. [It had only taken Gu Yun getting locked up for him to figure out what it was they needed.

[...until they ended up here anyway. He thought he had it at first but now he's not so sure.]

[ nie huaisang lifts his fan and then laughs. ] Ah, if A-Min knew me from home he would not make such a mistake. I am the worst marriage prospect in cultivator society. [ ... well, at least he was not blacklisted as jiang cheng but... ]

Then all your hard work paid off. My brother used to be very emphatic about hard work. He would like you, and you him. [ he beams, then takes another bite of the sweets, yes. they could certainly use these in the tea shop. ]

[On the other hand, Chang Geng's situation had been the opposite. The Yan Wang who had revitalized Great Liang's army, who had fought on the walls during the siege of the capital...young, educated and well-known for a mild temper and elegant bearings...even though he had presented his childhood abuse as an excuse, he's certain his brother would have married him off already.

Still, he smiles warmly.] The worst? Either Huaisang-xiong is exaggerating or the metric by which such things are measured is beyond my ability to understand it.

[Though he feels like, a lot of reasons people decide whether or someone is a good marriage prospect were rather arbitrary.]

I did not realize you had a brother.

[He sounds curious. Even though he doesn't outright ask, his gaze is inquisitive and a little expectant.]

It is not an exaggeration, I promise. [ he laughs, self-deprecating and then decides that that is enough self-pity. it was not like his reputation bothered him nor that he regretted it. he had to stay safe.]

I did, [ huaisang confirms, fan coming up to shield half his face. ] What about, A-Min?

[He hears that self-deprecation and it makes him frown briefly.] Well, then Huaisang-xiong can be sure that whoever chooses to marry him probably did it out of genuine affection then.

[Because goodness knows the people who wanted to marry him or marry their daughters to him had their eyes on something else.

As for his brothers...hm.]

I am the fourth son of the family. Though currently, I only have one brother.

[His tone is as it ever was: mild, calm and gentle. But he couldn't muster the same sort of affection he did for Gu Yun. Unlike, Nie Huaisang who seemed to like his brother...though. That 'I did', that past tense...] I imagine you were closer to your brother than I am to mine.

Ah, would that even be possible? I am not very eligible but I am still a sect leader and that has some benefits, especially for smaller clans but ach - [ he flaps his free hand about as if to dismiss the entire topic.

its not like he can marry the person he really wants to back home or here. ]

Ah, [ he lowers his fan slightly, sympathy visible in his expression. ] Family is complicated, is it not? But yes, I was close to my brother.

We were very different people but we had different strengths to cover the other's weaknesses. I have nothing but the highest praise for my brother, and if you ask others from my world you'll most likely hear good things.

[ after all, aside from his temper, nie mingjue had been a powerful cultivator, war hero, sect leader since his early teens... made qinghe nie into a formidable foe. spearheaded the sunshot campaign... yes.

chifeng-zun was remarkable. ]

Is that so? What is your brother like?

I think it is.

[Chang Geng thinks, if someone like him can find someone who loves him then surely others could too. He knows it's rare, but it definitely does happen. But then, it's his turn to smile self-deprecatingly.]

My family situation may be more complicated than most, I think.

[For someone whose family history and family experiences were drenched in blood, absent parent figures and also out right abusive ones (and one Gu Yun who cared about him), to hear someone speak of his family so fondly brings up some soft feelings.

He isn't resentful. No one should have the childhood he did. Nor was he wistful. His life as it is now is something he wouldn't trade anything for.

But he listens attentively, in only the way someone who is truly curious about such relationships can be.]

I will take your word on it.

[As for his own brother. His expression gives away none of his own thoughts on the matter. After all, in his own opinion, Li Feng is a small-minded and petty man who measures other using himself, throwing Great Liang's most loyal subject into prison, distrusting him despite all that he'd done. Taking powers for himself despite not having the talent nor the strength for warfare, preferring to cripple the country's armies than let power slip from his fingers.]

He is a man who works very hard under stressful situations [Of his own creation] and who loves his son. [He pours himself more tea.] To be honest, this brother of mine, I do not know him very well. I grew up in the countryside until I was thirteen, and even after I arrived in the capital, I didn't spend much time with this brother who was already an adult during the time I lived there...and then I went to wander the pugilist world for four years.

[ huaisang is not thinking much of marriage, not after jiang cheng's departure. it is quite alright though, he is nothing if not adaptable and no stranger to loss.

instead he listens to a-min, curious but does not press more. ] I see, I see, family can often bring as much complications as it can joy. [ maybe he will ask one day exactly what it is, but...

well, chang geng's expression says everything without needing words. huaisang marvels at how open some people can be with their faces, their eyes. ah, is that honesty a luxury too? ]

Was your travelling the best part of your growing up? Or was it your childhood in the countryside?

[He paused, seeming to think about it. What he has found over time is being open about select things helps prevent people from asking about the things he is hiding.

His past is no great secret. Who doesn't know that the Fourth Prince, Yan Wang had been lost in the countryside until he was brought back by the Marquis of Order? And everyone knew, up until recently, apart from going to the palace to collect his New Years money, he and his brother barely interacted. If his expression lacked any obvious warmth, as long as it didn't deviate from his usual mild manner who would question it or even suspect what his true feelings were?

He huffs, a sound that could almost be called a laugh, dry if a little humourless.]

Neither. Travelling had been interesting, but I had been away from home and it was undoubtedly a little lonely. And I have many treasured memories from my childhood but the best part of growing up was undoubtedly those first few months I spent when I first arrived at the capital.

[Those mornings where he'd go to Gu Yun's courtyard with the iron puppet, with a sword and breakfast...to spend time with that person.

Those memories evoke in him warm affections though only a fraction of it is reflected in his eyes...but the memories sour quickly. Because hadn't that period of his life ended like recent events?

Gu Yun had left, saying he'd be back shortly only to disappear for an undetermined amount of time.

His gaze naturally drifts to the space Gu Yun's armours are normally kept, that flicker of warmth dying like the last embers of a hearth.

But he doesn't frown.]

What about Huaisang-xiong? What would you say was the best part of growing up?

[ he notices the way a-min's gaze drifts briefly and while he notes it, huaisang does not intend to pursue it. prying too hard into anyone's past here is not a wise use of his time, and he has other things to deal with when he goes home.

in truth, huaisang's main pastime right now is thinking of increasingly colourful ways to put an end to jin guangyao. ]

Hm, well, when I was a child of course! My brother used to spoil me - ah, back then I wanted to be like him. Strong and skilled with the sabre, to cultivate my golden core but my talents lie elsewhere.

Still, childhood and good memories tend to be brief, right? So my only complaint is that it did not last longer.

How nice. [And he sounds like he means it at least.]

I wonder if I could have had a relationship like that with my brothers if we had grown up together?

[He says that but he knows the answer is 'probably not'. As far as he could observe, being of royal blood seemed to ruin any prospective brotherhood.

But he does wonder...if he had grown up in the capital, then he could have met Gu Yun earlier.]

Mm. I think that's normal to want more of those good times. No matter how much time we do get, it never feels like enough. People are greedy like that.

Difficult to tell, but maybe. [ huaisang is... or he can be intense about family given his circumstances, but he appreciates being able to speak a little about mingjue without feeling like there is a knife waiting in the dark for him. ]

A-Min, if you keep saying those nice things you're going to spoil me and then what will you do? [ he shakes his head ]

I think greed can be a very dangerous thing to indulge in some people. Always best when to know enough is enough, ah. But, I don't know. I don't know...

[His smile is amused but also more genuine for a moment.]

I suppose, if that happens I shall have to take responsibility.

[Yes he knows exactly how it sounds but if asked he will pretend he doesn't.]

All things in moderation, I suppose. Though sometimes it's hard to say how much is too much until everything is all over, isn't it?

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