[Text] un: accipitrinae

[tastes_like]

This time of year usually brings up warm memories for people where I'm from. Thoughts of lights, cakes, visiting with family, parties, whatever. Everyone gets festive in their own way, right? But for me, I'm missing out on the most important thing about the winter holidays.

Crunchy fried bird.

I've searched all over for the best fried chicken available, but I'm at a loss. Nothing comes close to the secret spiced recipe that I'm craving. So do your part to help save Christmas, and tell me where I can get a bucket that doesn't taste like the bird is part fish. Or worse.

Video | UN: pumpaction

[angelshot]

Yo. What's up, my nerdlings?

[ Oh look, it's the resident pain in the ass, looking incredibly bored as usual minus some new Dragon-y qualities. Don't mind the horns or scales, it's perfectly mundane. What's a little less mundane is the massive pile of ladies underwear haphazardly dumped on her bed beside her, or the fact she's twirling an expensive looking red number around a finger. ]

So get this. Found a shop that was having a massive sale on top of the line puss purses, right? Like, "blowout bonanza everything must go" kind of thing. Probably a holiday cash grab.

Anyway.

Turns out they were full of shit, because these fucking suck. Check this out -

[ One twirl, two twirls, and -- SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER those classy panties are suddenly a gun!
Which is all well and good, except for when she goes to rack the slide back, there's an audible 'twang' and the thing more or less disintegrates into springs and screws and various gun parts in her hands. ]

- "quality lingerie", my ass!

[ Gun? Tossed somewhere behind her out of frame, complete with the comical metallic crashing of bits going everywhere. There must be a pretty sizable reject pile with that amount of noise.
One down, a billion to go. Panty reaches for another pair to run through the usual Backlace quality control checklist. ]

If you plan to buy your girlfriend some fancy bra and thong combo for Christmas, take my advice: don't. It'll be an even bigger disappointment than your performance in the sack.