[backdated: july 3rd] video —> text responses; un: otoproxy

[ends]

[ although the thought of reaching out via text had crossed his mind (exhausted as it is) more than once, Otonashi ultimately settles on video for the sake of consideration. if anyone had seen Ruca’s earlier message and still had lingering concern, seeing him functional and able to speak for himself should alleviate it.

he’s not quite fine given the tells of poor sleep etched into his face, but he’s not torn to pieces or missing, either. ]

Hey... I just thought showing my face would be the right thing to do after I wasn’t able to for... uh, however long. [ a pause before he continues: ] 3, 4 days? I’m... not your go-go person if you need someone keeping track of time.

[ death will do that to a person. what do days matter when they blur together in endless time? ]

With that great character flaw covered and out of the way... I’m Otonashi. Anyway, I wanted to pitch an idea to everyone for—something like a club? A support group? I haven’t been here very long, but I’m, ah, noticing a trend... [ of people with poor socialization, or who have issues making friends, or trusting people, or... hm. his point. ] ... and I think there’s a lot of strength in organized numbers. I know there are groups designed to protect, clinics, recreation, but I was thinking something a little more informal?

[ he has to workshop it a bit more, but the world certainly has enough space to accommodate wishes such as this. surely it’s feasible, and if it already exists? all the better. strength in numbers. ]

I’m going to leave this here... My roommate insisted I sleep with him, and he was pretty adamant on not taking ‘no’ for an ans— [ almost as if on cue, the sleepy, comfortable voice of Ruca cuts in for those who may be familiar, slurring Otonashi’s name. Otonashi, in turn, takes the opportunity to turn aside to yawn a little. ] —answer... Right, so, let me know what you think..? See you later, switching to text.

( so Otonashi is running on empty, getting back from a series of unfortunate events, and letting everyone know he’s fine following some choice, sleepy wording. chaos may ensue. responses may come from Otonashi or Ruca (demonicbookworm), probably text but may swap depending! disclaimer: they are not, in fact, about to go to town on each other. )

Comments

Text: UN: TachibanaS

[triggerhappytraitor]

Glad to see things between you two were resolved.

text;

[ends]

it was nothing he did. not that you’d know by talking to him, he’d blame bad weather on himself, I swear...

were you looking after him too?

[triggerhappytraitor]

For some people, blaming ourselves is the only way we know how to cope.

I was, yeah.

[ends]

I know you’re right... but I want better for him.

[ because he knows, he knows the truth in that sentiment, both from experience and those of so many others. ]

so— thanks. for taking care of him. sorry for all the fuss, but I’m glad he has people that have his back...

[triggerhappytraitor]

No need to apologize. Wasn't like you chose to leave, right?

And it's good you want better for him. Just be patient. Habits like that are very hard to change, no matter how much people want them to.

[[writes the man in his late 30s who's never had much luck with changing that part of himself.]]

[ends]

no, but... I made choices that led to it.

[ says the older teen not so great at exactly that himself, either. furthermore... ]

yeah, I’ve got all the time in the world... convincing him to change might be easier than trying to convince most people I used to know.

[ just by virtue of Ruca not having endless time in quite the same way. ]

[triggerhappytraitor]

You can't take responsibility for everything.

[[The irony of it being him saying that... really, he's just echoing Kenzaki's words, and he's well aware of it.]]

The choices we make are always compromises, and we rarely have the ability to see what the end result of that compromise will be. All we can do is try and put right what went wrong, and keep moving forward.

[[There is a bit of a pause before the follow up text. Something in that wording.. and him thinking of Kenzaki as well]]

Are you someone that time can't touch any longer?

[ends]

[ his response comes more delayed than the last few had been; Otonashi has to sit with that one for a while. it isn’t exactly that it strikes him as something deeply emotional, but it’s this sliver of validation and lack of frustration with him that he hadn’t realized he’d been missing.

so he scrubs at his face a little, not quite teary, but—touched. ]

... thanks again

I really needed to hear that

I should know, but I didn’t know how to say I caused a shitty situation and I’m sorry for everyone I hurt but I’d make the same choice again... ??

it’s

complicated

[ it takes him another short while to shake that off, but some acknowledgement had been owed. ]

oh, that—yeah. I guess it didn’t come up when you were with Ruca? dead. all my friends back home were, a lot of them dead for...

decades, honestly
kinda weird to think about people looking just like me being 40, 50, 100 years older, but...

[ to be 18 forever: hell of a costly fountain of youth. ]

[triggerhappytraitor]

[[Isn't that just basically the whole monologue he had been having the first time he thought he was facing his last fight.

And every time he had had the opportunity to seal Hajime and prevent Joker's victory, but just... couldn't.

... and what Kenzaki had more or less said, 15 years after he had vanished from their lives.]]

Complicated feels like even too simple a word for it sometimes.

[[At the 2nd reply, there's a bit of a pause.]]

One of my friends who looks younger than me is older than humanity itself, back where we come from. Something that's easy enough to forget, considering how he is.

Adds another layer of complication on to everything that was already so complex.

[ends]

it probably is, but it’s the only one I can come up with...

[ maybe his vocabulary is limited, or maybe there really is just no way to condense all the emotion and confusion and unfairness down into a word or phrase.

maybe it would be unfair to want to, or to try. ]

... really? I mean—I believe you, I just haven’t met anyone yet who kinda knows where I stand, I guess

I’m don’t know if I should say “sorry you know what I’m talking about” or ... be grateful that you do.

[ yet another note of realizing how valuable it is to just say something and be understood without expectation to perform and keep together. he does anyway, he can.

but the value in being heard isn’t to be understated. ]

[triggerhappytraitor]

A bit of both I think.

I'm glad you have friends in your situation, even if that situation isn't one I'd really wish on anyone. Not being alone-- or even just having someone who understands is invaluable.

[[It was, after all, part of the reason he and Hajime had become friends, despite everything, he was sure.]]

[ends]

ah, no

I did have friends in my situation, that’s why

[ past tense, because it’s an important, bittersweet point to establish. but he quickly moves away that thought—one of loneliness, and one of missing those who aren’t here with him. ]

that’s why I want to try organizing a designated space for people to just feel like they’re a part of something without having to work or... really do anything else.

uh
does that make sense?

[triggerhappytraitor]

Are they at least still there, back home?

[[Because as much as his own situation was the opposite, he was all too painfully aware of the situation of those who did still have people to go back to.

There's a bit of a pause as he wrestles a bit with the idea, wanting to protest that it's only by working with someone that you can really form a bond--

...but he knows that that really isn't true.]]

A group with a common goal, you mean?

[ends]

I don’t know. they existed like that for so long, but.

how could I know? people have disappeared before.

[ and not even just from here, there, or his life in particular. ‘it’s complicated’ really had been the best summation he had. ]

yeah, that’s it!
I mean-
we all want to survive, get by. but more like “getting by with purpose ?” but not purpose that expects you to do stuff for payment, or defend people?

[ it would be easier to just say “support group” or “club” again, but. ]

”trauma club!”

[triggerhappytraitor]

[[There's a pause because Tachibana just. was quietly laughing at that last bit.]]

Not the best name for something like that.

[ends]

maybe not, but it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

like “drama club” but it’s... about trauma...

okay.
maybe I was destined to be bad with names.

help me out here?

[triggerhappytraitor]

Maybe something more like Survivors Union or similar.

[[Considering his username is just his last name and first initial-- just the same as his work log in-- well. That's about as good as his naming ideas get.]]

I love that this is basically a canon conversation Otonashi witnesses and I get to live it, ty ❤

[ends]

but that sounds like we’re actually putting together supplies and expected to fight against the apocalypse or something. doesn’t that seem like a lot of pressure?

“hey you have problems making friends and staying motivated too let’s exist together” is too long

and “help I suck at conversation and friends” is kinda too defeatist sounding

Glad to be of service~ :)

[triggerhappytraitor]

Sounds like Sunday.

[[Not that he'd been regularly fighting against the end of the world in quite some time now, but still.

He takes a moment to try and properly think of something that would fit...]]

Maybe something like "A hand up"

Maybe an acronym for the word Hand.

[[He's really no good at this.]]

an absolute treasure 💕

[ends]

nah. sunday was usually more casual. less going on.

now, monday afternoon and the stroke of 19:00? totally different story.

[ all at once, he realizes quickly how much he had missed casual bantering like this; it steels his resolve. people ought to be able to have a space to experience the same. ]

oh, I kinda like that... it has to be something that people won’t twist and make weird in a place like this.

names aside, do you think it’s a stupid idea?

Just leaning on the 4th wall~ Always fun when you get an opening for it :D

[triggerhappytraitor]

[[Casual banter was something Tachibana wasn't always good at, but did enjoy when someone who was much better at being casual than he was got it started. It was... relaxing in a way he couldn't put his finger on.]]

It's a good idea. Not one I would know how to start on, my experience with organizations is far more formal.

[[there's a slight pause before the next line as gets briefly lost in flashbacks halfway through typing it, keenly lamenting for things lost long ago.]]

But being part of a group is important. That kind of support is invaluable.

Anchoring.

[[Not quite the word he wants but... it's about as close as he can come up with without going into paragraphs.]]

100%! I reach out and embrace all meta humor and silly things ❤️✨

[ends]

I’d say the same, but it... really was more formal and still a total wreck somehow?

“””complicated””” ...

[ but that may very well be more the clientele than the organizational prowess of those at the top. he spares the diatribes though, noting the lapse in time. it isn’t enough to assume anything, but it’s just—a thing to be aware of. he’d like to be mindful. ]

anchoring, huh... or guiding. aren’t there a ton of saying that talk about a “light at the end of the tunnel—“

or does that sound too much like death again.

maybe I should’ve made a poll instead of a post about my well-being...

[triggerhappytraitor]

Never quite understood why people thought that was about death. The light gets farther away, in that sort of situation.

[[But he may be thinking about it a bit too literally]]

Considering your situation, your well being was an important thing to be announcing first.

[ends]

you say that like you know from experience.

[ the bit about the light, and its behavior as life tapers away. does he know, too? ]

not much of a conversation piece though... just a psa, I guess.

[triggerhappytraitor]

I've gotten close more than once.

[[When sinking into the ocean, the fading light was the last thing he remembered. It had been a lot more peaceful of a slip into oblivion than the previous time.

Less of a rude awakening afterwards, however. But the less time spent thinking about that the better.]]