[backdated: july 3rd] video —> text responses; un: otoproxy

[ends]

[ although the thought of reaching out via text had crossed his mind (exhausted as it is) more than once, Otonashi ultimately settles on video for the sake of consideration. if anyone had seen Ruca’s earlier message and still had lingering concern, seeing him functional and able to speak for himself should alleviate it.

he’s not quite fine given the tells of poor sleep etched into his face, but he’s not torn to pieces or missing, either. ]

Hey... I just thought showing my face would be the right thing to do after I wasn’t able to for... uh, however long. [ a pause before he continues: ] 3, 4 days? I’m... not your go-go person if you need someone keeping track of time.

[ death will do that to a person. what do days matter when they blur together in endless time? ]

With that great character flaw covered and out of the way... I’m Otonashi. Anyway, I wanted to pitch an idea to everyone for—something like a club? A support group? I haven’t been here very long, but I’m, ah, noticing a trend... [ of people with poor socialization, or who have issues making friends, or trusting people, or... hm. his point. ] ... and I think there’s a lot of strength in organized numbers. I know there are groups designed to protect, clinics, recreation, but I was thinking something a little more informal?

[ he has to workshop it a bit more, but the world certainly has enough space to accommodate wishes such as this. surely it’s feasible, and if it already exists? all the better. strength in numbers. ]

I’m going to leave this here... My roommate insisted I sleep with him, and he was pretty adamant on not taking ‘no’ for an ans— [ almost as if on cue, the sleepy, comfortable voice of Ruca cuts in for those who may be familiar, slurring Otonashi’s name. Otonashi, in turn, takes the opportunity to turn aside to yawn a little. ] —answer... Right, so, let me know what you think..? See you later, switching to text.

( so Otonashi is running on empty, getting back from a series of unfortunate events, and letting everyone know he’s fine following some choice, sleepy wording. chaos may ensue. responses may come from Otonashi or Ruca (demonicbookworm), probably text but may swap depending! disclaimer: they are not, in fact, about to go to town on each other. )

Comments

[fractaljesus]

At the time, your name was information I did not possess. Had I known it, I would have responded to the inquiries regarding your status. [But they'd been worried for nothing, he thinks. Otonashi was safe, and is now back among the people who are important to him. He hadn't died. This time. What's to be upset about?]

There would have been no need to "step out." The "me" who was with you within Kado was merely an aspect--a projection.

text—>video;

[ends]

[ he reads over the reply that appears on his device once, twice, ten times over. no amount of reading and rereading changes the meaning or gives him a new interpretation. Otonashi hadn’t missed anything, though the temptation to blame misunderstanding and exhaustion both strike him.

when he finally switches his input over to a video, he’s still shaking his head, eyes wide, wild, haunted. ]

Tell me you’re screwing with me... Tell me your sense of humor is just as screwed up as theirs..! [ while he does not clarify who he might mean, he doesn’t feel the need to, either. “they” aren’t here, and yet the compulsion to protect them and their privacy, their safe anonymity, still persists. he moves his device, pulling at his shirt to reveal the brand that still remains struck into his chest in the same patterns zaShunina had left. ]

This is a joke... isn’t it? It has to be... You can’t touch people with a projection... You can’t—

[fractaljesus]

[It could be said that his sense of humor was "screwed", as it were, but at the same time, it could also be said that he didn't really have a "sense of humor" at all to begin with.

When Otonashi switches to video, zaShunina does as well--he prefers this mode of communication anyway.]

You misunderstand what I mean by "projection". [He shakes his head,] Kado is an extension of myself. The aspect that was with you was created within it, but it was no less solid than the body that remained outside.

Do you understand?

video—>locked;

[ends]

... No.

[ though he denies it, he knows it’s a lie as soon as it leaves him. zaShunina’s explanation rings familiar, like an old song spun to him in the haze of waking, half-forgotten to time. some of the color leaves his face, his expression cycling through disbelief, horror as his device slips from his grasp and clatters to the floor, and cold, miserable acceptance as he retrieves it again.

but each shift in his face maintains its haunted finish, always distant and almost unseeing. he’d forgotten to lock this down, so he fixes his mistake.

better now than never.

he understands, but maybe he wishes he didn’t. ]

... Hey. Why—why did you help me back then..? What was it all for..?

[fractaljesus]

[Once upon a time, Yaha-kui zaShunina couldn't comprehend the concept of lies. But he knows better now, and even if it perplexes him why someone would lie about this, in particular. Still he doesn't call Otonashi out on it.]

You were crystallizing. [It was the first thing he'd said to the human when he'd come across his injured body.] Placing you within Kado served several purposes; it eliminated environmental factors that could have impeded your recovery, and allowed you to replenish chroma at a constant rate. [Those are the immediately important parts.] Moreover, your presence within Kado also generated chroma for me as well--it was mutually-beneficial.

[As for the dragon runes... those only became a factor after he'd already committed to it.]

[ends]

But that doesn’t tell me why you did it...

[ he can glean an answer from the information he’s been given, but that answer gives him little solace. if his hands had been free, he would’ve looked to them for logic that they would never have, answers that they couldn’t possibly carry. ]

Was it really just... kindness? For a small payment of free chroma by keeping me..?

[ he hasn’t even addressed the runes yet, but he’s getting there. they’re not at the forefront of his mind, but with everything they’d done, they’re screaming to be. ]

And the three days, it doesn’t—it never takes so long for my body to heal. That’s never how it worked.

[fractaljesus]

Kindness is not the correct word. [He argues, setting his chin in his own hand contemplatively.] Rather, 'opportunistic' is more accurate, but it carries certain connotations that are likewise incorrect. [Language is finicky that way.] I encountered you in a state that, had I left you alone, would have resulted in your crystallization. I possessed the means at the time to prevent this undesirable outcome, and in a way that would symbiotically benefit me as well. Assisting you in that situation was simply the right answer--it would have been illogical to do anything else.

[It's still an unsatisfactory explanation for the anisotropic being, but it's what he'll have to settle for.]

It is true that physical damage to your body had been fully repaired in only seven hours. Additional time was allotted for chroma generation.

[But enough dancing around the elephant in the room.]

Moreover, the Astella and Ostella runes also influenced the decision to keep you within Kado for the full 72 hours.

[ends]

[ he shouldn’t look so disappointed, but he does regardless, the sigh that follows only solidifying it. ]

So you took advantage of a shitty situation... You had the option and you took it. Doing anything else would have been... stupid. Like passing up a gift.

[ Otonashi can at least walk through the logic without necessarily agreeing with every aspect of it. he has had to set aside unfortunate truths and seize opportunities out of ugly scenarios. it is what it is, and he cannot deny that he had been a beneficiary.

he and zaShunina differ, though. where zaShunina seems to act out of efficiency, Otonashi is too deeply bound by altruism. ]

Seven... hours..?

[ he lingers on this, feeling his stomach twist as he recalls the sound of Ruca’s sobbing when Otonashi had finally made contact again, the distress and ache of abandonment he’d left Lucy with, the quiet agony in Inaba’s voice, the terrified expression of Keigo as Otonashi had made his initial sacrifice. ]

I—I told you that, didn’t I..? That... I didn’t need... [ he’s struggling to parse through his own racing thoughts here, sounding neither angry nor demanding as he does. ]

[fractaljesus]

While not inaccurate, that assessment implies more desire for individual gain than was present. I would not have acted if the benefit had only been one-sided. [The mistake Otonashi is making in this moment is assuming that zaShunina's brain or sense of morality works anything like a human's.]

You are distressed. [He observes, his brows furrowing as though the thought that Otonashi had been troubled by the event saddens him.] Why?

I apologize for him being highly emotional, it’s a thing he does

[ends]

... But it wasn’t kindness either. It’s— a little of both.

[ for all that he aches, Otonashi can at least recognize that, in his own awkward zaShunina is trying to make a connection that’s less shrouded in the haze of dragon runes. ]

I... yeah. I’m distressed. [ he feels he should try to laugh to diffuse the tension, but he just doesn’t have that in him. ] I’m... sorry. I’m sorry! I... must look so stupid to you. Confused and emotional and... so damn stupid.

[ whether the expression he sees on the former astella’s face is sadness, concern, or just plain confusion, he feels he ought to do something for it. the two of them are clearly so fundamentally different, and yet Otonashi had failed to notice.

he, too, is complicit. ]

I should’ve—I should’ve asked your name... I didn’t even ask you your name. The least I could’ve done was ask you that...

[fractaljesus]

Correct. [There's really no satisfactory way to define it other than that. Not kindness, not opportunism, but something in between. There's a word that feels like it should fit here, a word that zaShunina feels like he should know, should be an intrinsic part of him, yet can't put his finger on.

But no, he doesn't see the human as stupid. He may not be able to understand his reaction, but that doesn't make Otonashi stupid, it just means zaShunina doesn't understand humans as much as he'd thought.]

Names had not been a priority at the time. [Certain other things had.] I am Yaha-kui zaShunina.

awkward way*, not sure how a word just vanished there...

[ends]

Maybe not, but they should’ve been.

[ because he’s made similar mistakes before, letting himself become convinced of enemies that could have just as easily have been allies if only he had bothered to notice. every person, human or otherwise, has a story. ]

I’m sorry. I don’t know if I can explain why I’m acting like this in a way that won’t sound stupid and ridiculous... [ and maybe there simply isn’t one, meaning trying to navigate it is a fool’s errand. but it isn’t like him not to try bridging a gap. ]

Listen... Thanks for saving me. You didn’t have to, but you... probably know that already, don’t you?

No worries, I got the gist.

[fractaljesus]

I apologize. [For not prioritizing names. If Otonashi says they should have been, then he'd made a mistake, and that's unfortunate.

Yet... when Otonashi thanks him, zaShunina looks at him like what he'd said was absurd.]

I did have to. [He'd been in a position to help when he'd come across him crystallizing. To leave him like that when it was so simple to help would have... been so counter to his existence that doing so would have been inconceivable. Especially since helping him was symbiotic.]

[ends]

Okay, yeah— [ it kind of feels to him like they must be speaking different languages, and really, the only reason that they aren’t is the world they’re in. suddenly, the lack of complete thoughts ever coming funneled through their bond makes a lot more sense.

it probably would have been muddled in translation. ]

If you were a regular person, you wouldn’t have needed to do that. So, doing it anyway because had the option and you could would be an act of kindness, and so I’m thanking you for it and you can just take that thanks. [ not so unlike Otonashi trying to explain to his former abductor the intricacies of morality simply because it feels like the right thing to do. he doesn’t have to, but the option exists and the redhead has a history of misunderstanding people and their motives.

so, he ought to not make the same one here. ]

For the record, though... Abducting people isn’t something you should just do. If you have to, put out a message about it! You know when someone abducts another person, it’s usually to do something to mess them up.

[ and in a strange sort of way, this conversation—absurd as it is—visibly seems to calm him a little. his shoulders sag, the deep lines of concern partially fade. it isn’t perfect, but he’ll take “imperfect” over “actively harmful.” ]