[backdated: july 3rd] video —> text responses; un: otoproxy

[ends]

[ although the thought of reaching out via text had crossed his mind (exhausted as it is) more than once, Otonashi ultimately settles on video for the sake of consideration. if anyone had seen Ruca’s earlier message and still had lingering concern, seeing him functional and able to speak for himself should alleviate it.

he’s not quite fine given the tells of poor sleep etched into his face, but he’s not torn to pieces or missing, either. ]

Hey... I just thought showing my face would be the right thing to do after I wasn’t able to for... uh, however long. [ a pause before he continues: ] 3, 4 days? I’m... not your go-go person if you need someone keeping track of time.

[ death will do that to a person. what do days matter when they blur together in endless time? ]

With that great character flaw covered and out of the way... I’m Otonashi. Anyway, I wanted to pitch an idea to everyone for—something like a club? A support group? I haven’t been here very long, but I’m, ah, noticing a trend... [ of people with poor socialization, or who have issues making friends, or trusting people, or... hm. his point. ] ... and I think there’s a lot of strength in organized numbers. I know there are groups designed to protect, clinics, recreation, but I was thinking something a little more informal?

[ he has to workshop it a bit more, but the world certainly has enough space to accommodate wishes such as this. surely it’s feasible, and if it already exists? all the better. strength in numbers. ]

I’m going to leave this here... My roommate insisted I sleep with him, and he was pretty adamant on not taking ‘no’ for an ans— [ almost as if on cue, the sleepy, comfortable voice of Ruca cuts in for those who may be familiar, slurring Otonashi’s name. Otonashi, in turn, takes the opportunity to turn aside to yawn a little. ] —answer... Right, so, let me know what you think..? See you later, switching to text.

( so Otonashi is running on empty, getting back from a series of unfortunate events, and letting everyone know he’s fine following some choice, sleepy wording. chaos may ensue. responses may come from Otonashi or Ruca (demonicbookworm), probably text but may swap depending! disclaimer: they are not, in fact, about to go to town on each other. )

Comments

video; un: otoproxy

[ends]

[ he goes ahead and switches back over to video, per her request, though he has to swallow back a comment about how what he gave really should have been enough. ]

Pretty sure that’s just my face, Lucy. [ he rocks the “perpetually tired/disaster” look often. ] Not sleeping well for days will do that to you.

[ it’s true enough, his face has all sorts of dark lines under it, smudges and discoloration from a lack of rest that cannot be so easily scrubbed away with a bath. continuing to stay up to make this post at all hadn’t helped, but here he is, doing that anyway. ]

[depthsofdespair]

Well, I like your face. Disaster or not.

[That’s “thank you for using video,” in Lucy language.

Though, calling him back doesn’t mean she knows what to say. She could apologize for being a sanguis mess, sure, but he probably already knows that. There’s also the way she kidnapped him to Anne’s Room, worries him by nearly becoming a rock, and ignored his suffering in favor of her selfishness.

Lucy sighs. She has so much to say, doesn’t she?]

... You scared the hell out of me. Coming back looking like that, and acting all casual ish about “a brush with death.” Now you want to make some support club, and it hasn’t even been a day since you came back smelling like an old shoe.

[...] Don’t apologize for it either. Not when you’re the one so miserable.

[ends]

[ the vague insults and irritation, he knew how to respond to. they were comfortable, familiar, what he understood and could come to expect. so when Lucy’s words speak to something different, it visibly surprises him, his eyes going a little wide as he blinks some of it away.

if her reply had been the same notes of comfortable, his would have come much quicker. what he’d gotten instead requires him to take a moment as he parses through what it must mean for her to deviate like this. ]

I ... think I can apologize for scaring you. [ can’t he? ] I really didn’t mean to.

[ that much is true, and it comes more easily to him than unraveling his feelings about the reasons why he’d scared people. ] We’re all miserable, Lucy... Well, most of us. At least all the people I’ve met. So... I wanted to do this before any of— any of that.

[depthsofdespair]

[She maintains her frown; a worried one now, as she opens up just a little bit.]

Focus on saving yourself first, would you? You’re exhausted, you look stressed, and there’s no way you’re “okay” right now.

[It’s so much easier to simply be angry at him. That way, she can’t have her feelings hurt: Only his would be in the line of fire and that would be a lot less complicated to navigate. But she cares enough to shake her head briefly, then look sternly into the camera.]

I don’t care if it’s what you wanted to do before that happened. It happened and now you have to rest! 24 hours at the very least. Otherwise, you’re going to become the poster child for broken, miserable, sleep deprived person.

[ends]

That kinda sounds like my normal state... [ worried, stressed, exhausted? how would he know how to carry himself if not in this casting? it isn’t so different from her comfortable insults and anger. ]

And I’m pretty sure my face would be what you’d find in the dictionary if you looked up “stressed, sleep deprived person.” That’s my legacy right there. [ and as comfortable as even that reply is, he can recognize that Lucy is trying. to give her nothing replies in return feels unkind and dismissive, so it’s after a pause—after gleaning a little strength from his own comfortable bantering—that he holds up his hand to signal that he needs a minute, takes a deep breath, and shakes his head. ]

It... just makes me feel better to do something like this. So I’m not just sitting with everything. [ he fidgets in place, looking away from the feed as if he had no power over it and could not simply shut it off.

he doesn’t have the heart to even entertain the idea of doing so. ] I didn’t want to wait and have anyone out there still wondering after Ruca’s call for help.

[depthsofdespair]

[She would like to engage with that banter; She really would. But the more than he says, the more that Lucy worries about him. Why didn’t she let him open up earlier, in the hallway, when he offered to give his information? Maybe he would have released some stress with the intelligence.

Lucy still shakes her head.]

I’m not saying that you can’t do something like that! Your support group, or whatever. But you need to rest first.

[Oh wait. Isn’t she keeping him from resting too?

That annoys her.]

I’ll let you go. But if you make anymore calls or texts or whatever, it better be snoring. You don’t have to save everyone today. You’ve done enough.

[ends]

... Would you try attending it? One time?

[ she says he doesn’t have to save everyone, that he doesn’t have to push himself so hard, and the sentiment of being enough isn’t lost to him.

no, he doesn’t have to reach for her hand in friendship and support, but he does. ]

Be...cause if I can’t dismiss arguments by calling myself stupid, I’ll need backup..! [ like, ah, hm, someone else to call him stupid? someone else who might match this job description?

Otonashi is even more exhausted than he’d been when Lucy had come over the first time, so his attempts at smoothing over are even more raw and somehow less actually smooth (as if they ever completely had been), but still he tries.

he always tries. ]

[depthsofdespair]

[His effort isn’t lost on her. Nor is his exhaustion. She suddenly feels bad for starting this conversation in the first place. It could have waited until tomorrow, but then again... Would he have stayed up trying to save people until he literally collapses from exhaustion?

Lucy closes her eyes.]

No. I’m not coming. Because despite what you seem to think, I’m fine. I have Anne. [And the Agency. And Atsushi.]

You don’t need anyone to tell you you’re an idiot. You need to stop being an idiot, Otonashi. And you can’t help anyone if you’re tired. Go to sleep. I’ll yell at you again tomorrow.

[ends]

[ he had told her that it was fine for her to not be his friend, that he would be hers regardless. of course, he’d insist the very same now, as Lucy could surely guess without him needing to say anything. it would be redundant.

despite all of that, Otonashi cannot completely withhold the tinge of sadness at her rejection. she didn’t owe it to him, but he had hoped to reach her anyway. maybe it had been ridiculous. not wanting to put the burden of his feelings on her, he simply nods.

understood. ]

If I haven’t told you already, the biggest strength and weakness of the SSS is that they’re morons. Nothing I can do.

[ and to think he had railed so hard against that same phrase, only to find solace in repeating it now. the smile he gives, while faint, is genuine. ]

Talk to you later, Lucy. Say hi to Anne for me when you get a chance.

[depthsofdespair]

Come say 'hi' to Anne yourself sometime. She still needs to formally meet you.

[Is what Lucy says.

The truth is, she knows that she can't go see Anne tonight. She's barely recovered her chroma from the last time. "I’m fine. I have Anne," used to be true. But in this strange world, Lucy can't visit Anne as freely as she used to. Her old coping mechanism has been taken from her.

And she's too scared to admit it.]

Good night, Otonashi. [She hangs up.]