[VIDEO] un: conagher

[spah]

[Engineer's metal fingers pull away from the screen where he's propped up his device. He's currently sitting on a boat not far from Crystal Beach's shore. Waves lap against the boat, a splash can be heard here and there, and that light caw of seagulls?? Perfect. Peaceful.

Until this Texan motherfucker, dressed like Tom Selleck with the shorts and chest hair to match, brings a fucking antique coach gun into view and starts loading it in his lap.]

I been here about a year now, since the beginning 'a things, and I ain't got good memories of the Vulpus Astra Celebration comin' up. [He glances up from the gun.] So, uh. If anyone plans on goin' to Amehagara, keep with somebody. Hell, I'll chaperone ya if y'need somebody.

[There's a splash off camera, like something jumping out of the water. Engie quickly lifts the gun up over the water and shoots. A pause passes, and from the distance you can hear somebody shout "HOLY SHIT MAN JUST USE A FISHING POLE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE".]

Careful with the super bass, by the way. They like to jump.

[... and, after a pause, Engie scratches at his beard.]

Also, uh... I been growin' bluebonnets in that new community garden, by the way. Been real nice, bein' able to get back to my farmboy roots. [He smiles slightly.] Wound up growin' too much, though. So if anybody's interested in some hand-tied flowers, y'all lemme know.

[Another splash. Engie shoots again, lightning-fast.

"MAN COME ON"]

Comments

tom selleck in shorts intensifies

[spah]

Huh?

[He looks up as he pulls dead fish into the boat.

... Oh.]

If you wanna call a shotgun a fishin' pole... sure? I'd have to pick the buckshot out if I wanna eat 'em, though.

Ahh my eyes my eyes

[chainlinks]

[Oh. Oh Ren really thought there was a hook-shot or something at the end. Or a laser. Not that using guns is bad either that still takes a good shot.]

Sorry. Didn't realize it was a normal gun.

[Stranger words have probably been uttered out of his mouth regardless so...]

Are super bass even good at all? Considering their aggressiveness and this world, I'm half expecting they turn you aggressive too. I do know someone who probably will want to go toe to toe with them to let off steam...you know, with their bare hands.

[spah]

[Engie snorts and flashes a sideways smile.]

Guess I don't blame you for not realizin'. I wouldn't call this gun normal, though. This here's the Frontier Justice, and she's been with me a long time.

[That's a lot of flair for a dude who just really likes his gun, but. You know.]

Honestly? I ain't tried 'em yet. Might be worth findin' out. Worst they probably are is tough meat. [He chuckles.] I know a few fellas like that myself. If it helps... there's an actual fishin' competition for 'em, not far off from where I am. I'm not participating, though.

[chainlinks]

[He's dealt with a guy who ran a store filled with gun life-like models and who was an ex-yakuza. This is all fine.]

Still shoots straight as the day you got her?

[He could sort of understand that, in a weird way.]

Can we shoot the fish or does it have to be with a fishing rod? Asking for a friend.

[spah]

Sure as shit does.

I mean. I'm not in the contest. But I'm assumin' if you just wanna hunt, you should be alright. Nobody's bothered me about it otherwise.

[Except that one poor guy.]