[VIDEO] un: conagher

[spah]

[Engineer's metal fingers pull away from the screen where he's propped up his device. He's currently sitting on a boat not far from Crystal Beach's shore. Waves lap against the boat, a splash can be heard here and there, and that light caw of seagulls?? Perfect. Peaceful.

Until this Texan motherfucker, dressed like Tom Selleck with the shorts and chest hair to match, brings a fucking antique coach gun into view and starts loading it in his lap.]

I been here about a year now, since the beginning 'a things, and I ain't got good memories of the Vulpus Astra Celebration comin' up. [He glances up from the gun.] So, uh. If anyone plans on goin' to Amehagara, keep with somebody. Hell, I'll chaperone ya if y'need somebody.

[There's a splash off camera, like something jumping out of the water. Engie quickly lifts the gun up over the water and shoots. A pause passes, and from the distance you can hear somebody shout "HOLY SHIT MAN JUST USE A FISHING POLE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE".]

Careful with the super bass, by the way. They like to jump.

[... and, after a pause, Engie scratches at his beard.]

Also, uh... I been growin' bluebonnets in that new community garden, by the way. Been real nice, bein' able to get back to my farmboy roots. [He smiles slightly.] Wound up growin' too much, though. So if anybody's interested in some hand-tied flowers, y'all lemme know.

[Another splash. Engie shoots again, lightning-fast.

"MAN COME ON"]

Comments

[spah]

Oh. [He blinks.] I can understand that.

[Hell, it might as well be a concern for Engineer too. While he never considered poison, he's a former mercenary used to both killing and being killed.

Point being, Jules is in good company.]

Eighteen fifty... huh. Well, shit, alright. I met people from the future before. [It's less of a shock and more... mild surprise.] Guess I can't imagine what folks in 8528 are wearin'.

[suspecteverything]

[Oh, Jules has learned to consider absolutely everything. He has the League's largest thrill kill warrant out on his head. Literally everyone is after his bounty since they'd be set for life if they got it. Beings of every sort have been trying to kill him since he took his first breath. And yes, that's actual literally too.]

Clothes, generally. [Yes, he's an ass.] Unless they're in an Andarion ring match. Then maybe not clothes.

[spah]

[That's rough, pal. Engie just shoots other mercs for money. Who are also shooting him for money. Good gig.]

Alright. Nudists otherwise, then.

[suspecteverything]

Do those actually exist where you're from?

[Because he's not sure they do where he comes from.]

[spah]

I never met one of 'em personally, but they're around.

Can't blame 'em. It gets hotter 'n hell's basement in my lil' part of the world.

[suspecteverything]

I think I'll stick to a battle suit. Walking around without any kind of protection around parts I'd like to keep intact does not sound like the best idea.

[spah]

You're overexplainin' the bit a little. [He smirks, teasing.] But understood. Battle suits over birthday suits.

[suspecteverything]

Birthday suit?

[The hell is that?]

[spah]

'Nother phrase for bein' naked.

So... when you're born, you're already in your "birthday suit." Which is nothing. Hence the name.

[suspecteverything]

That makes it sound like being born is something to celebrate.

[His tone of voice makes it pretty clear that he doesn't agree with that belief.]

[spah]

... okay?

[He'll be real, he's just here to joke about nudity.]

[suspecteverything]

I'll make sure if I find a nudist colony while I'm here that I avoid it.

[spah]

Fair enough.

If I meet any nudists, I'll let you know what they're like.

[suspecteverything]

Probably very free, open, and transparent.

[spah]

That. And chafed.

[suspecteverything]

Ah, I don't know. You can get pretty chafed with the wrong clothing at the wrong time.

[spah]

Fair enough.