Text; un. connorsp

[goodweather]

Hello world!

The name's Phil Connors. I'm pretty new to this whole scene. The scientist guys explained everything to me, so I'm all caught up on that. Not loving the whole "no way home" thing, I've got to say, but at least I'm not the only one this time.

So, do any of you know any news stations around here? I'm a weatherman and I'd like to get a jump on things as soon as possible so I can start affording rent and more furniture than just a bed in a box. (I'm also taking recommendations for getting a good cup of coffee.)

I also want to get a feel for the neighborhood. If anyone’s got general tips, I’d be happy to listen.

Comments

[axemeaquestion]

hey phil. i'm rochelle. it feels weird to say welcome around here but. welcome?? i'm a tv news producer back home and i work/worked for a few station networks around here. i can probably send you the names if you want?

also there's a kickass coffee shop near the main apartments in Level 2 if you don't mind the fact there's at LEAST six neon flamingos. it's a theme.

[goodweather]

Hi! It's a pleasure to meet you, Rochelle. I'd love to take those names, and if you could send me a way to contact them, even better; thank you so much. Does this place have emails...?

Level 2 is ground floor, right? I think I'll just have to get used to it--neon seems to be a pretty big theme around here. But I've been to worse places for good coffee. You don't know real unease 'till you've got a big cartoon marmot leering down at you in a small town diner at 6 AM.

[axemeaquestion]

okay i can't send you EVERY contact but i'll get you what i can and you can tell them i sent you. deal? and yep, email.

oh trust me, i'm from cleveland and i've been to georgia. i've seen some diner horror bullshit. anyway, not....exactly?? there's levels below 2, long story short.

[goodweather]

Deal. Again, thank you. I'll have to pay you back some time. (And hey, I'm from Cleveland too! You can't get a leg up on me there on creepy diners.)

It's the second from the top, though, right? Just making sure I won't end up lost in some shady alleys in an alien city. The last thing I need now is getting abducted.

[axemeaquestion]

wait shit really??????????
oh my fucking god someone who actually KNOWS what Cleveland is

i mean you've already BEEN abducted. but fair enough. anyway yeah, it is.

[goodweather]

Yeah, Cleveland! The city that hasn't had a flaming polluted river in, what, sixty years? I live in Pittsburgh now, but it's my hometown. Can't count how many times I got wasted and lost somewhere in the Flats in the early nineties. I was in high school back then.

I would say "don't remind me," but it's pretty hard to ignore. How long did it take for you to adjust?

[axemeaquestion]

YEP that sounds about right. trust me, half the people here don't even know what cleveland is, much less live/lived there. i was in middle school in the early 90s though. still a shithole, if it helps. touchdown jesus is still a thing in monroe too.

i don't even know if i'm adjusted yet honestly. but circumstances where i'm from makes it complicated. [See: zombie apocalypse.] it took a couple months for things to stop being TOO surprising, though.

(posted this early by accident!)

[goodweather]

Is he? Good to know he's still around. Always loved spotting that guy while going down the I-75.

Complicated how, if you don't mind me asking? [Poor guy's gonna have to get used to the idea of people from alternate universes. Knowing it logically is one thing--the Lunatian scientists had explained as much to him--but actually meeting those folks is another.]

text | un: nike

[purifyings]

just asking for a tour is a good first step
however, i usually have more fun asking the natives in this world to show me around
children especially
they usually know the best places and shortcuts
i always ask after the moons are over and everything is back to normal

also, what's a weatherman?
can you control the weather?

Re: text | un: nike

[goodweather]

I hadn't even thought of that. Thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to put it to use!

Ha, I wish. I predict the weather by studying its patterns, so people don't have to be surprised by rain or sun when they make plans in the future.

How come you don't know what a weatherman is? They're on every single news station back home on Earth. I'm surprised you've never heard of it.

nbd!

[axemeaquestion]

yep. still eternally touchdown...ing.

[Context: Rochelle is from 2009. She's got another year to go before Touchdown Jesus is struck by lightning.

As for the question, though... she hesitates. It takes her longer than usual to respond.]

not sure if you'd believe me.

[She's talked about zombies fairly openly here. But that was among other weirdos over the alien internet. Not normal-sounding dudes who actually know what Cleveland is. Also over the alien internet.]

[goodweather]

[Phil has lived in Pennsylvania for some years now and isn't terribly kept up in Ohioan affairs, so he's blissfully unaware of the tragedy of Touchdown Jesus. He is from after it got rebuilt, but it's just not the same.]

Rochelle, not to be blunt, but I just got kidnapped from home onto an alien planet with three moons like... today. I'll probably believe anything you tell me.

[To speak nothing of the fact that this isn't his first impossible-scenario rodeo. At this point, it's easier on his sanity to just take whatever he's given.]

[axemeaquestion]

[rip touchdown jesus]

pff [You know what???????? Fair.] ok

how about zombies then?

[goodweather]

Oh, shit. I believe you. That must... be terrible. I'm sorry.

Is it anything like the movies say?

[axemeaquestion]

not really. they're not undead, just infected. and mutated and pissed off. we got different kinds.

[goodweather]

I hope you don't mind my asking about your world. What do you mean, you've got different kinds? How long has there been zombies?

text; un: sherlockfreud

[prodigalmess]

My sister's a reporter for the local news station back home, but I'm not very familiar with the stations here.

That's not really helpful, sorry.

Anyway, I'm Malcolm and I recommend the cafe on Level 2 next to the McDenny's.

[goodweather]

That's fine. I'm sure I'll figure something out when I turn on the TV.

"McDenny's" sounds like a monstrous amalgamation of two fast food chains that exist back in my dimension and I am going to visit it and that cafe as soon as possible. Thanks for the tip, Malcolm.

[axemeaquestion]

not gonna lie. alien kidnapping aside I'm surprised you're taking this well enough from a faceless chick on the space internet.

two weeks and different mutations, basically. some are... normal infected? but we have "special" kinds. like acid-spitting assholes.

[goodweather]

Don't get me wrong, it was a surprise all right. It's just that zombie apocalypses aren't exactly the most bizarre possibility for an alternate universe and it's hard to express over text.

[(He's woefully not quite all that caught up on the latest methods of nuanced expression over the internet. Everything he writes is a bit straightforward in that regard.)

Two weeks? Christ. He was expecting years. The early stages of anything are always the roughest, and Phil wonders if they're still dealing with the idea of abandoned homes and infected loved ones, clumsy adaptation, trial and error in a global crisis. He's not willing to pry. (Yet, anyway.)]

Jesus, that sounds like a royal pain in the ass. Everything's still pretty normal where I come from, so at least there's one world where none of that happens. Unless--hey, what year was it last for you?

[axemeaquestion]

fair enough.

[Not really, but she's not going to argue. She just expected to come across like another jackass making crap up on the internet.

Alien space internet, granted, but still.]

2009, why?

[goodweather]

[For the intactness of his brain and his belief in the benefit of the doubt, he's found it best to just believe people up front. And anyway, zombies are hardly more bizarre than ending up trapped in a time loop for some decades--or centuries. He's lost track.]

Well, first of all, that means a zombie apocalypse /probably/ isn't imminent in my world. Second of all, it's 2022 for me. That's... weird, right?

[axemeaquestion]

oh... yeah. that's weird, but kinda typical around here.

[THAT much, she's gotten used to.]

whatever powers-that-be like to pull people from different times, worlds, etc.

[prodigalmess]

That's pretty much what it is. They sell bacon wrapped bacon... which is just bacon, I guess. Welcome to Prismatica?

[goodweather]

Seriously?? That's... well, to be honest, I can't expect much better from fast food. What a warm welcome.

... if they sell bacon, do they have pigs here?