Text; un. connorsp

[goodweather]

Hello world!

The name's Phil Connors. I'm pretty new to this whole scene. The scientist guys explained everything to me, so I'm all caught up on that. Not loving the whole "no way home" thing, I've got to say, but at least I'm not the only one this time.

So, do any of you know any news stations around here? I'm a weatherman and I'd like to get a jump on things as soon as possible so I can start affording rent and more furniture than just a bed in a box. (I'm also taking recommendations for getting a good cup of coffee.)

I also want to get a feel for the neighborhood. If anyone’s got general tips, I’d be happy to listen.

Comments

(posted this early by accident!)

[goodweather]

Is he? Good to know he's still around. Always loved spotting that guy while going down the I-75.

Complicated how, if you don't mind me asking? [Poor guy's gonna have to get used to the idea of people from alternate universes. Knowing it logically is one thing--the Lunatian scientists had explained as much to him--but actually meeting those folks is another.]

nbd!

[axemeaquestion]

yep. still eternally touchdown...ing.

[Context: Rochelle is from 2009. She's got another year to go before Touchdown Jesus is struck by lightning.

As for the question, though... she hesitates. It takes her longer than usual to respond.]

not sure if you'd believe me.

[She's talked about zombies fairly openly here. But that was among other weirdos over the alien internet. Not normal-sounding dudes who actually know what Cleveland is. Also over the alien internet.]

[goodweather]

[Phil has lived in Pennsylvania for some years now and isn't terribly kept up in Ohioan affairs, so he's blissfully unaware of the tragedy of Touchdown Jesus. He is from after it got rebuilt, but it's just not the same.]

Rochelle, not to be blunt, but I just got kidnapped from home onto an alien planet with three moons like... today. I'll probably believe anything you tell me.

[To speak nothing of the fact that this isn't his first impossible-scenario rodeo. At this point, it's easier on his sanity to just take whatever he's given.]

[axemeaquestion]

[rip touchdown jesus]

pff [You know what???????? Fair.] ok

how about zombies then?

[goodweather]

Oh, shit. I believe you. That must... be terrible. I'm sorry.

Is it anything like the movies say?

[axemeaquestion]

not really. they're not undead, just infected. and mutated and pissed off. we got different kinds.

[goodweather]

I hope you don't mind my asking about your world. What do you mean, you've got different kinds? How long has there been zombies?

[axemeaquestion]

not gonna lie. alien kidnapping aside I'm surprised you're taking this well enough from a faceless chick on the space internet.

two weeks and different mutations, basically. some are... normal infected? but we have "special" kinds. like acid-spitting assholes.

[goodweather]

Don't get me wrong, it was a surprise all right. It's just that zombie apocalypses aren't exactly the most bizarre possibility for an alternate universe and it's hard to express over text.

[(He's woefully not quite all that caught up on the latest methods of nuanced expression over the internet. Everything he writes is a bit straightforward in that regard.)

Two weeks? Christ. He was expecting years. The early stages of anything are always the roughest, and Phil wonders if they're still dealing with the idea of abandoned homes and infected loved ones, clumsy adaptation, trial and error in a global crisis. He's not willing to pry. (Yet, anyway.)]

Jesus, that sounds like a royal pain in the ass. Everything's still pretty normal where I come from, so at least there's one world where none of that happens. Unless--hey, what year was it last for you?

[axemeaquestion]

fair enough.

[Not really, but she's not going to argue. She just expected to come across like another jackass making crap up on the internet.

Alien space internet, granted, but still.]

2009, why?

[goodweather]

[For the intactness of his brain and his belief in the benefit of the doubt, he's found it best to just believe people up front. And anyway, zombies are hardly more bizarre than ending up trapped in a time loop for some decades--or centuries. He's lost track.]

Well, first of all, that means a zombie apocalypse /probably/ isn't imminent in my world. Second of all, it's 2022 for me. That's... weird, right?

[axemeaquestion]

oh... yeah. that's weird, but kinda typical around here.

[THAT much, she's gotten used to.]

whatever powers-that-be like to pull people from different times, worlds, etc.

[goodweather]

I /know/ that, I just... ugh. It's gonna take me some getting used to.

At least, if it's the future for me and we haven't had zombies yet, we probably don't have anything to worry about. Probably.

[axemeaquestion]

probably. alternate universes are a thing here.

which is still fucking bizarre to say outloud but.

[goodweather]

Yeah, jesus, and apparently this one's got magic moons. I've had my share of weird shit happening but this is still difficult to really wrap my head around. Not sure if I've actually comprehended it.

Speaking of, the science guys who picked me up talked about weird moon transformations that happen every month? They told me that it's not that bad but I feel like they might've just been trying to not get me to worry, and you seem pretty honest.

[axemeaquestion]

oh yeah. moonblessings are a thing. it kind of

varies

depending on your "blessing" i guess.

i had owl wings for a while. like, once a month.

[goodweather]

[The exhausted energy of Phil pinching his nose in frustration emanates out of the text.]

Okay. Great. Fantastic. I guess I'll have to wait to see it. Some of it doesn't sound too bad, mostly just weird, but they also mentioned a bunch of... other side effects that I'm not looking forward to. I'm a married man.

[axemeaquestion]

i mean. "side effects" doesn't guarantee infidelity. that's on you.

[Not that Ro can talk, as a single woman who gets Double Horny during the Iris moon. But she's not about to talk about her sex life.]

[goodweather]

Well, yeah. I know that. The idea still feels really strange though.

[Or maybe that's his complicated history with sleeping around talking, because that's definitely still something he worries about. He'd been pretty much celibate for the past few decades(?), except for the last five years when he and Rita started dating, and doesn't like the idea of breaking now because of some Mega Horny Moon Magic he didn't ask for.

Logically he knows that he wouldn't break. But ugh. He hates having it hanging over his head at all.]

At least I heard that it's not something that's guaranteed, so. Fingers crossed. Maybe I just get some furry ears.

[axemeaquestion]

or a tail.

[goodweather]

I sure damn hope not. If my pants stop fitting, there’s no way I’m going out like that no matter how much fur I get.

[axemeaquestion]

i wouldn't worry about it. they have pants for tails.

[goodweather]

... Of course they do. Then I guess I'll have to go shopping. Got any recommendations for /that?/

[Sorry about the flooding storm the next day, Phil.]

God, I'm too old for this. I'm guessing no one's really figured out why people get pulled here? How, /if/ people go home at all?

[axemeaquestion]

ok dude you're asking me two pretty different questions here, slow down a little

one: prissy polyp

two: no and no idea

[goodweather]

Sorry. It's a lot.

[He needs to go out and clear his head before he says something terribly stupid. He wants Rochelle to like him, and making bad impressions on the first day isn't exactly a stellar habit.]

I'm going to go check out the city for myself. Better to get adjusted sooner rather than later if I'm in it for the long haul, check out the neighbors and stuff. Thank you for the recommendations, Rochelle; I really appreciate it. Catch you some other time?