001 ★ Text & Photo

[abracafcku]

[In the prime browsing hours, Taako posts the following:]

flipwizard

•••

♥ 173 likes

flipwizard
Oh this old thing? Just putting myself out there bc this world might not deserve seeing the most beautiful man on this stink planet, but I deserve to be seen. Taako wins for #1 hottie: change my mind.
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#fashion #beautiful #youwishyouwerethishot #no1 #elf #wizard #coordinates #nofilter #nomakeup #naturallyhot #smoking

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Comments

[amant]

Some would simply go out and have a nice evening making love to a bottle of the strongest spirits they can find but I see you are not a party person. These shorts are not coming off!

[ Is it because they're just THAT tight or his pure, stubborn will? God he is going to die. Somehow. Thanks, evil!Jeanne. ]

[howlmyrage]

I like parties, but I have quite the memory unfortunately, so it won't help there. Just hold on, I'll send a dragon to set those pants on fire shortly.

[ First she gotta go out of town to find a dragon, so wait a bit. She's burnt down France once before. ]

[amant]

[ This model is death and flame retardant, unfortunately. At least maiming him will be like a delightful gift that just keeps giving. A subscription to playing out Marquis de Sade if ya nasty. Or just sadistic. I'm guessing, yes...no. Yas. ]

I know a dragon, but she seems to enjoy my company. Are there any other clothing items I should hide before you manage to run amuck?

[howlmyrage]

Do you make a habit of ear-searingly tacky clothing?

[ Just imagine Jeanne Alter's jaw dropping to the floor in shock. Surely something this bad must be one of a kind. ]

[amant]

Are you this blunt with everyone or am I just lucky? I'll have you know that I wear a variety of clothing, but as I work more than I should, I wear a lot of suits.

[ Just imagine the DRYEST lip smacking ever, Jeanne. He's a man of many fashions. ]

[howlmyrage]

You can keep your suits. Unless you have polka dots, then they're going in the bonfire.

[ She's definitely that mean to everyone.

Almost everyone. There are like two exceptions. ]

[amant]

Is that so? You are not a fan of polka dots? [ You would hate Kate Spade's line then. Good thing he was only given the snuggie from home. Help. ] What about herringbone? Pinstripe? I need to know for the sake of my wardrobe not cast to kindling!

[ France doesn't know what he should do with this one... Stay far, far away, probably. It only means that he'll end up running into her when he's sprouted some ears and a fluffy tail or some other fluffy stuff. RIP. ]

[howlmyrage]

If you want me to be your fashion advisor and go through your entire wardrobe, I'll be billing you. You can send all the Chroma you have to Jeanne d'Arc Alter's account.

[ Yes, clearly. Jeanne's fashion advice is in fact worth all the money. ]/

no i didn't forget this

[amant]

[ Cue France just staring at his poor feed. Was his Jeanne ever this prone to threatening the demise of his wardrobe? ]

I am not going to be taking advice from someone who wishes to destroy my things, even if they are just clothes. You are hardly acting saintly!

[ SCOFF. PISHAW. ETC! ]

[howlmyrage]

Sorry, I left my sainthood on the pyre.

[ Well. In a manner of speaking, but who needs to learn about Alters right now? ]

[amant]

[ Jeanne, it seems, always has a way of finding him Alter or not. Help. They're from different realities, that much he knows, so he's sure that this girl doesn't even realize it's her nation she's talking to. She seems a little bitter though so he'll tread lightly. ]

Some would argue that historically inaccurate but who am I to argue? Why are you so angry? What's happened to you? I may not take your advice on fashion, but perhaps we could actually meet!

[ Oh France. Stop trying to help your beloved saints, especially when they will gladly stab you through. YAY IMMORTALITY THOUGH?! ]

[howlmyrage]

[ The process of having one's sainthood recognised by the Catholic Church is a long and involved process that usually takes a long time after the saint's actual death, but that's not the sainthood she means.

Jeanne d'Arc wouldn't be Jeanne d'Arc if she cared for such transient things as titles. Alter or not. ]

I died, idiot. Burning at the stake does have a way of pissing a person off.

[ Much less being summoned after that as a vessel for a certain Gilles de Rais' vengeance, made for the sole purpose of burning a kingdom that couldn't protect its greatest protector to the ground.

That anger defines her. No matter what else she finds in this strange life of hers, the flames still rage inside her soul. ]

I don't know what kind of fan of Jeanne d'Arc you are, but meeting me probably won't turn out well for you.

[ She'll burn your clothes, for one. ]

[amant]

[ For someone who only hoped that she'd gotten a second chance to find happiness, that was a pretty devastating blow to hear. Was there a statute of limitations for the guilt anyone could feel, let alone someone who had lived for well over a thousand years (let's be real, it's closer to two, if not a handful over)? France has a soft spot that her righteous anger just jabs on into. ]

I am not a fan. I knew her when she lived and breathed and never once did she harbor so much anger, even in battle!

[ The warning is taken into consideration... ]

Knowing that I cannot help but insist that we meet.

[ ...and yeeted into the sunset. Damn it, France. ]