First Song ♫ Video/Text (cw: nsfw language)

[hasitsthorns]

[ The video starts in a modest (albiet startingly neon pink) bedroom. Rose's legs are kicked up onto a chair, sunglasses on despite the time, and has her very own theme music playing low in the backgrounnd. ]

What uuuuuupppp, my dudes. [ A grin at the camera. ] I've only been here for a little bit, but it hasn't escaped my attention - like many - that we're all from different times. So I realized that some people from simpler times don't know the joy of things like textspeak and slang. Not to worry.

[ A gesture to herself. ]

I am here to enlighten you. Welcome to Rose's Textspeak 101 course. Your lesson begins now.



Texting isn't nearly as easy as people make it out to be. It's basically like learning a whole new language. I'm here to teach you some of the basics and general internet lingo. I'm going to condense a bit but, please, those of you out there more familiar feel free to contribute what you know as well.

Shorthand

Texting is meant to be fast. For that reason, we've come up with a lot of 'shorthand' ways to say things. I'm going to cover some of the basics.

bbl - be back later
ttyl - talk to you later
fyi - for your information
lol - laughing out loud
lmao - laughing my ass off
lmfao - laughing my fucking ass off

These are some of the most common, but there are some... specific ones people here I think will benefit from.

dtf - down to fuck
lhu - let's hook up
nfs - need for sex
j/o - jerking off

And so on! It's incredible the fastest ways we find to say we're horny, isn't it?

Emoji/Kaomoji

Now this is a fun one: Emojis! They say that a picture says a thousand words and that can be true for emojis too. Sometimes it's as easy as substituting and image for a word like

What 🕒?
Did you get the 💵?

Some are just to convey emotion like.

😘 Mwuah!
😀 Happy
🙃 Sarcasm

But don't be fooled! Sometimes emojis have double meanings.

Take this innocent 🍆 (eggplant), for example. Nine times out of ten, it will not mean eggplant. To help with any confusion or embarrassing situations, I've defined some below.

🍆 - that's a penis
🍑 - a nice butt
👀 - attraction
💦 - sweating/thirsty
🔥 - hot

You can also mix and match emojis to get different points across. Like so:

🍑👀💦
(That is a nice ass.)

💯🔥🔥🔥
(You're MEGA hot.)

And that's just an overview, there are WAY more ways to use emoji but somehow I feel like those were the most important for people here to know.

Kaomoji are more my style and are basically using a lot of symbols, numbers, and letters to make cute little faces to express different feelings.

Excitement - Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ
Love - ✿♥‿♥✿
Shrug - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Angry - （；¬＿¬)
Sad - (ఠ్ఠ ˓̭ ఠ్ఠ)

Reaction Images/Gifs/Memes

Last, but definitely not least, my personal favorite: reaction gifs and memes. Memes, by definition, are "an image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations." Some of my favorite classics are:

• popcorn.gif for when drama is popping off or that UST between your friends is getting really good
  
  
• slowclap.gif for when you want to commend someone in the most passive aggressive way possible
  
  
• surprise.gif for when you can't quite believe what you're seeing
  
  
• blink.gif for when you also can't believe what you're stupid (and think it's stupid/ridiculous)
  
  
• mathlady.gif in case you're super stumped by something someone just said

And that's just a few. There's hundreds of memes. But since this is just a glance at textspeak, I'll leave it brief.


If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! I'll be here all week.

Comments

[codecmoment]

Hahaha this is like a guide parents wrote in the nineties and again in the early 00's. I love it. ( ᐛ )و

[hasitsthorns]

okay, but important distinction: which parent?
because I'm willing to accept that I'm, like, dad levels of cool

[sometimespawnskillkings]

Are lhu, nfs, and j/o real acronyms?

I know textspeak but this is the first time I’ve seen those ones.

[hasitsthorns]

they absolutely are, broseph
at least, according to the internet
I've never used them, personally, but they're apparently a thing!!

text.

[madannoshashu]

[ This is literally the best PSA he has ever seen. ]

So who decided that an eggplant was gonna mean that?

text.

[hasitsthorns]

[ She did try. ]

the internet, I guess!
a bunch of people were like 'wow that looks like a dick'
and I can't say they were wrong

text

[serpentillusion]

This has been... Very informative, I suppose.

Thank you.

[She's not sure if she's actually thankful. But also:]

Why is that what the eggplant is for? And the peach?

text

[hasitsthorns]

you're welcome!
I figured it might help a lot of the not so text-savvy folks and all

well
the eggplant is kind of phallic shaped? that's really it
and a lot of people use peaches to symbolize butts because they're both round and juicy
(or so I've been told)

text

[spah]

😀

That look right?

[this man is 45 years old in 1972

you are a godsend]

[hasitsthorns]

😎
heck yeah! you're getting it

[ She does her best. This is knowledge the people deserve to know. ]

[milkisgross]

I can get behind the shorthand stuff, but are those picture things really what people use to communicate? Who the hell came up with that meaning for the eggplant?!

[hasitsthorns]

They really are!
I do it all the time.
😜

And I mean
It kind of looks like a dong
guess 🥒 also works too

text

[oncebrokenway]

... I feel like I might regret asking this

but what's UST?

text

[hasitsthorns]

[ That's one of her favorite starts to a question. ]

unresolved sexual tension
so like when everyone can tell two people obviously wanna get down and dirty with each other
but aren't for whatever reason

text;

[synchroswim]

you mean like


👌👌👌👌👀

text;

[hasitsthorns]

absolutely like that
and thank you for the compliment

text

[wisdomprevails]

A hieroglyphic language! How interesting!

Or should I say how 🔥?

text

[hasitsthorns]

yeah, kind of!!

and you got it
the fire can also mean 'lit' which is slang for, like, exciting. cool. so it also works!!

[skygaijin]

[ Holy hell this is like, the holy bible of memes and this internet stuffs!! Those old wisemen didn't lie when they said "You Learn Something New Everyday". ]

UM, HOW DO YOU SAVE ALL THESE INFORMATION INTO YOUR DEVICE!? O-OR DOES MIRIN NEED TO WRITE IT ALL DOWN MANUALLY!?

[ Her future is damp already. She's going the shitpostinglord path soon. ]

[hasitsthorns]

[ Well, it's like. The first page of the bible, maybe, buT STILL. ]

there's definitely an option to save. or maybe archive? favorite the post?
there's no need to write it down!!
that kind of defeats the point of texting, I think

Video

[envoyoftwilight]

[This is one of the most fascinating things Midna has ever seen. That being said, she's not about to start texting.

Unless she absolutely has to.]

That's very... educational.

[And complicated.]

video

[hasitsthorns]

[ Aw, man, but like!! That was the whole point. Mabe she'll come around eventually. ]

Yeah! I'm glad people are actually getting something out of it. Everyone should know the joy of texting.

text;

[anywayhereskirkwall]

[ It took Hawke...a while to get used to the speech-to-text function, and even longer to start typing--mostly because his hands are so big, to be honest--but now that he's got the basics down, he's eager to learn more. So this is handy! ]

You know at first this texting business seemed more trouble than it's worth, but these are genius. Are there any dog ones?

text;

[hasitsthorns]

[ She can absolutely see that being an issue, yes, but like- Big hands are hardly a problem outside of texting, she imagines. ]

there are!!
🐶
or
U´ᴥ`U

and there are even dog memes!!
like so

text:

[princessascended]

I am going to abuse all of these. Thank you so much.

✿♥‿♥✿

text:

[hasitsthorns]

you're welcome!!
please abuse the fuck out of 'em

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[smileslie]

Oh my gosh, all of these are fantastic. Those emoji things are even more interesting than Polari.

[hasitsthorns]

glad to be of service!!
and that's just a few of them
there's a whole library of, like, at least a hundred

[bloodisthicker]

You know, that bit about the eggplants explains a lot about one of the questions from that little "love tester" thing at the festival I completely didn't understand at the time. In any case, though, I do have to wonder how anyone gets anything done in places where you have all this to mess around with.

[hasitsthorns]

Oh, yeah
Glad I can help you out now at least and avoid any further embarrassing mishaps!
and we kind of don't
it's a bit of a problem in my time, people vegging on their phones but like. puppy videos, man, I can get lost in them for hours

[thefloorislava]

Woah. You're like, an expert in this stuff.

I'm not sure if I mean that as a compliment or not


;)

[hasitsthorns]

heck yeah I am!!

and it's okay, I'll take it as a compliment or an insult
both are fair, really
either way, I wear this badge with pride

[abidethewalls]

But.

Why?

[Shorthand aside, what's the point?????

[hasitsthorns]

valid point
but counter argument

why the heck not???

[freshtilapia]

Fascinating. I think I know what abbreviations I'd be abusing whenever I'm given the chance lol

[hasitsthorns]

oh yeah?
glad to be of service!!
I haven't gotten a chance to use some of the more fun ones yet but... hopefully soon

[hasbuuproblems]

😺

[He has no idea what he's doing. He pressed an emote and accidentally sent it.]

[hasitsthorns]

🐶
Good first try!
I'm guessing you like cats?

[herocomplex]

LMFAO HOLY SHIT TYSM FOR THIS
I KNOW SO MANY OLD DUDES WHO NEED TO READ THIS HAHAHA

[hasitsthorns]

you are very welcome, my dude!!
i'm here to help all the text illiterate oldies get the info that they need

[breakthehabit]

[ This is...SO MUCH. But he's also thrilled because finally, he can start to understand some of the technology here.

And potentially stave off any huge embarrassments. Well no, those will likely still happen. ]

Thank you for this rather extensive listing. I doubt I would've figured most of this out in any sort of good time.

I'm curious though: why was the aubergine elected to be such a lewd icon?

[hasitsthorns]

[ It is A Lot, Cullen. She knows. ]

you're totally welcome, dude!!
I'm happy to help

aubergine
oh my god that's adorable
but idk I think just because it looks kind of phallic?