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[hagrides]

[That is definitely some kind of bug person on your communicators right now. Sorry.]

Good evening, or whatever time of day you may be viewing this message. I have a small request.

As some of you may know, I am largely unfamiliar with human clothing as well as many human customs. However, I have gleaned that costumes are traditional for celebrating this season. It would bring me great relief if someone were to offer advice on costumes that might fit my body type and would suit the occasion.

Thank you for your time.

[He bows politely, as one does when asking for a favor.]

Comments

[hagrides]

I am truly grateful for your kindness to them.

What is it you would like to jam about?

[itsknighttime]

nah man its cool
theyre really nice to me too and im not a dick like at least ninety nine percent of the time unless im ball bustin a buddy you know?
no worries

ok so
youre a dad
you got little silk spinners at home
what if
as a dad
one of them totally fucked up and turned out entirely different than you thought they would
theyre still the same cute pupae you remember
but they suck at what you wanted for them
like as a dad on a scale from 1 to god damnit
how close to god damnit would you be?

[hagrides]

Negative levels of god dammit. Just because I envision something for my child does not mean that they are required to turn out that way. Nor does it mean that the future I envisioned is necessarily better than the reality.

Parents are not infallible. We impose our expectations and biases on our children, and I admit to that. But children are not extensions of their parents, and may choose to take their own path.

[itsknighttime]

[[This... is actually uplifting. Okay so without the evil possession doll, Dirk might not be upset by some of the things Dave wants in his life.

Then again this is Dirk and not a cool moth guy.]]

alright thats pretty reassuring
i mean not that it was particularly anything but hypo-theory i just got curious
you know a random curiosity that had nothing to do with me
in fact im just asking for a friend
who also has a dad
and

questions

singular question
that i asked and wasnt...

so ok what kind of things do you figure would be cool for snacks at a sleepover for you guys?

[hagrides]

[Literally no one has ever said that and had it actually be a hypothetical question, Dave.]

They have no mouth, and sadly will be unable to eat anything. My own preferences are simply to experience new food.

[itsknighttime]

[[Except Dave, right? Right!]]

ok one
man i will bring all the snacks youve got to try doritos and im sure theyve got that shit here somewhere they got everything here

and two
holy fuck
they have no mouth?
how do they eat?
WHAT do they eat?

[[Please don't say souls. Or souls maybe he could get some of those. There are a lot of things here Dave didn't think he could find except on ebay.]]

[hagrides]

They do not.

[Better or worse?]

[itsknighttime]

[[Somewhere in between.]]

well

[[Just well for the first message.]]

more for us i guess
what kinda things do i get for them then?
other than a comfy pillow and a cool blanket
im getting cool blankets and pillows
we have to use them to make a fort but also sleep in
no telling me you have an allergy
were getting cool shit

[hagrides]

Oh, absolutely get them a blanket fort. I shall change my usual sleeping posture for the occasion so that I may join you.

[He usually sleeps hanging from the ceiling but like, blanket forts.]

They might enjoy watching a movie.

[itsknighttime]

[[The call of blanket forts is a strong one, he and Karkat love blanket forts.]]

man its going to be so fuckin baller
we can hang a sign on it that says no girls just for emphasis that its a sleepover for real men doing manly things
yeah join us
i dont know how you usually sleep but bro
blanket fort

oh fuck movies
yes
ah shit classic ghostbusters if i can find it
can be nostalgia boner for me and maybe he hasnt seen it
have you seen it?

[hagrides]

Men and those without gender. They may wonder if they are allowed in if not specified.

[That's 99% because of their lack of self-esteem and only 1% because of any ambiguity.]

I typically hang from the ceiling, which may be comfortable, but it's no blanket fort.

You may safely assume that neither they nor I have seen any movie that you can think of.

[itsknighttime]

fuck
yes
my bad i swear im goin to try to get better at this
maybe do me a solid and explain when i say bro its like not because im callin them a guy

haha oh my god
thats so cool
ok how about
big if because idk how you feel about it
we just nail like blankets to the ceiling and i can ask my bro to sew a few together so they hang down and then you can sleep wherever the fuck you wanna

i got so many movies in my head right now and im going to get so many more in my head while im thinking of other cool shit we can do

[hagrides]

I would be delighted. Only if that is not too much trouble for you, of course.

[itsknighttime]

nah whats a few blankets between friends?
nothing thats what
ok cool when you both have free time let me know

aight im gonna run out and like pre get this shit so that if an impromptu blanket fort needs making i am ready

thanks again man i appreciate you bein honest and cool about shit

[hagrides]

You should ask them their schedule. While attempting not to let them rearrange things for you, if possible.

I am happy to answer whatever questions you may ask, hypothetical or otherwise.

LOOK AT THIS BEST DAD. Best Dad.

[itsknighttime]

yeah i can do that for sure
i wont let them bend over backward like i can work this all in and maybe i can even get my other friend who is also a bug to come
he has a mouth though and hes loud but i love him
like a friend love because im totally into chicks
sometimes he comes out of his house but like not always well have to see
do you got anything i gotta take into consideration for the calendar?

ok ill be sappy for ten seconds
that means a lot so thanks
a lot

adopted. you're all adopted. none of you are free from parental affection.

[hagrides]

I am an Iris, so during the Iris moon would be less than ideal. Otherwise, nothing immediately comes to mind.

You are more than welcome. It means a great deal simply that you would come to me for advice.

I readily accept my fate.

[itsknighttime]

fuck right moons
ill figure somethin out

you come off as a no bullshit kind of guy so im glad i got someone who i can go to

[[Going to Karkat is a different thing entirely and him and his embroiled friendship with said other youth is too complex to ask him these questions. That and thinking of Karkat as a dad doesn't mix well. Hard limit where his daddy issues kick themselves out, Karkat is that line.]]

[hagrides]

[Better to ask an actual dad then your definitely-not-boyfriend.]

I have heard that I am unusually straightforward for a higher being.

[itsknighttime]

[[Totally not his super secret boycrush, and especially if you ask either of them. Not that this place hasn't continued to make his life figuring out his sexuality a living hell.]]

dude
thats a quality
youre not an asshole about it youre just straight forward i think thats how it should be
i mean sometimes a guys got to watch what hes sayin but not where its got to be about throwin his balls out the window over it

[hagrides]

Manners are no excuse for being deliberately obtuse. There are those who feel that they need to be mysterious at all times, but I find that sort of act to be tiring.

[itsknighttime]

oh man
you may as well hit them with the im not mad im disappointed
whew
i felt that all the way over here

[hagrides]

It's a power you gain when you become a parent. Sadly, some people are immune.

[itsknighttime]

im not
if you say it ill feel it from across the damn universe haha
youre braver than me i never want kids
i dont even want pets
maybe a fish those things are boss

[hagrides]

Parenthood is not for everyone. But for those who are meant for such, it can be enormously rewarding.

What sort of fish?