( video | un: jaguar )

[scarcastically]

Y'know, going up in space, visiting other worlds is supposed to blow your damn mind. The idea's that you're exposed to stuff so unreal, so beyond believin' that it's alien to you.

So why exactly are we celebratin' Christmas in space? Feels kinda weird, to be honest. But I guess capitalism and commercialism is a universal concept.

Still, though. Kinda gets me thinkin'. How do you celebrate your holidays where you're from? Don't tell me about Christmas though. We all know about Christmas.

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video. un: golgothasTerror.

[plumbiferous]

[ consider: one young man with giant buck teeth, practically neon green eyes, glasses, and black hair. when he speaks it's like a british accent but not. just a little off. ]

Humans back home do the usual, Christmas and so on. None of the religious significance still hangs around, though. I personally don't do much for holidays. Carapacians have their own inscrutable chess-based holidays that I'm honestly not sure about. Trolls have a--Well, I hesitate to call it a Christmas analog, that sounds downright xenophobic! They have a Christmas-esque holiday that involves decorating and family and gifts, but it's an old holdover from a universe and planet none of them have been to, so the traditions are a bit loose as far as I'm aware!

[ he's so weird and chipper about this alien bullshit i'm sorry. ]

[scarcastically]

[ erik squints but not for long. ]

Glad to hear it's a little different though. Thought I had to go beat up space Santa.

[plumbiferous]

Earth C isn't like old Earth or old Alternia at all, no.

[ he pauses and like VISIBLY GRIMACES and sounds kind of grumbly when he continues. ]

They also celebrate my friends' and family's birthdays, but I try to ignore those.

[scarcastically]

[ erik cocks his head. ]

How come?

[plumbiferous]

Well, it's flattering to have a whole planet celebrate your birthday, I can't complain about that! And the attention is nice! But frankly it's kind of overwhelming and the expectations are VERY high and a gent can only be so many places at once!

[ HEY JAKE why does a whole planet celebrate your birthday. ]

[scarcastically]

[ erik squints once more. ]

So you're White Jesus?

[plumbiferous]

[ FLUSTERED ]

No! I didn't do much at all when we made the planet, I just kind of stood around! Totally useless, me. But I was still part of it, so it's seen as a joint effort between all of us, so all the birthdays are included.

[scarcastically]

[ geez. making planets though, that's interesting. and worth tapping into. ]

How many of you were there?

[plumbiferous]

Thirteen, technically. Eight humans and five trolls. However, one of the trolls is, ah--indefinitely indisposed, and also no one celebrates his wriggling day anyway. So twelve.

[ there are actually two more trolls kind of alive?? but like, not as 'creators' in the pantheon and also jake is kind of ditzy and forgot about them. sorry. ]

[scarcastically]

And why'd you make a planet?

[ he suspects it's a boring reason. saving the world, saving the universe, etc. ]

[plumbiferous]

We were the only ones left and we needed somewhere to live.

[ PAUSE. ]

Also to rebuild our species. Plural.

[scarcastically]

[ close enough. ]

Species? Like humans?

[plumbiferous]

All humans and all trolls except for us were dead, yes. There were some Carapacians and Consorts left, and so we made a place for everyone to live, and made a ton of clones of everyone, mixing the genetics properly of course so it wouldn't get weird later, to repopulate.

[ wait you made how many clones. ]

[scarcastically]

[ uh . . . huh. ]

Wow. Doesn't sound skeevy at all, dude.

[plumbiferous]

[ CROSSES HIS ARMS OVER HIS CHEST, FLUSTERED AGAIN ]

I'm not the geneticist, I don't know how it works! But us actually making children the "usual" way was out completely for several of us, and we weren't about to let the whole species die off entirely just because the universe got destroyed. Oh, I'm a giant muscle-bound skull monster, I'm going to destroy and eat everything, goodbye universe! Frankly, allowing that after he was killed would just be defeatist and letting him win posthumously.

[scarcastically]

[ erik holds his hands up. ]

Okay, man, chill. I don't need to hear the whole backstory. But yeah clones celebrating you definitely is uncomfortable.

[plumbiferous]

Oh, it's not the clone part, we're all clones too. Plus it's been five thousand years so all the original ones we had to make are long dead, unfortunately!

[ ??????????? he's instantly back to being chill at least. ]

[scarcastically]

[ oh boy. ]

Uh, yeah. Unfortunate.