[Text; UN: turntechGodhead]

[itsknighttime]

ok since ive been here a hot minute i guess i can say hi again

so hi i guess
i went the fuck home and i was chilling enjoying my god damn life
like literal god damned not even not god like
hanging out with my best bro but fuck me amiright?
its cool though there were some p chill bitches here last time
bitches not in the female way
i mean there were nice girls here in the female way but they werent bitches like bitch bitches
but just bitches in the bitches way
you know
friends

fuck
im not backspacing it
i said it yall were cool bitches and im glad you were
ok hope your chromamas was cool too

uh
yeah thats it i got no philosophical bullshit to throw down this time just figured if it looks like my ass is sticking around i may as well poke my head out

[[Just be glad he's not trying to start stress-reaction rap battles.]]

Comments

[itsknighttime]

[[Oh no. He's not sure which is worse, talking to a girl or trying to convince himself he can't sneeze and kill a baby by accident.]]

noted my dude
ill just be careful where i aim my charm
is she like actually a hornet?
should i bring up topics of paper and their various uses in regurgitation real estate?

[hagrides]

[Baby is powerful. Girls are also powerful.]

I doubt she would find such interesting even if she were a hornet - but she is in fact a spider.

[itsknighttime]

[[The best team comp, the worst meta to face ever. Babies and girls.]]

oh okay
fuck
good thing im not arachnophobic
aight ill open up with a joke
ill roll up in those dms like

yo what up
what do you get when you cross a spider and corn
and if she answers cobwebs then were meant to be

[hagrides]

I can tell you immediately that you were not meant to be.

[Hornet has probably not told a joke in her life.]

[itsknighttime]

fuck shes broke my heart and i havent even met her
so youre saying im against a challenge
because im up for a challenge
what kindve things does she like?

[[It's okay, neither has Dave but he thinks they're funny.]]

[hagrides]

Hornet is a serious woman who is unfamiliar with the concept of a vacation and has spent most of her life as steward to a decaying kingdom. I'm uncertain if she herself could tell you her interests and hobbies.

Puns are not on the list, however.

[itsknighttime]

what im hearing you say is
dave she needs to let her silk down and go partying
i got you
dont worry man i will take care of this shit hands down

see women say that but they love them

[[They do not.]]

[hagrides]

Best of luck to you. Do remember that she is a capable combatant, if she seems to be growing irritated with the puns.

[itsknighttime]

its ok my uh
house
mate
girl
that is a friend
is a big fighter too and part dog so you wanna talk about bitchy haha
nah that was a bad taste joke shes cool but she chews your shoes if you dont watch her

see ok all i see is you slipping me that note under my desk all casual like so the teacher dont see us wing manning it up
alright so plan number one i gotta get her out on the town and then maybe we beat the fuck out of each other like normal dates

or like maybe i start with
like

hello
but i like plan one better

[hagrides]

The sparring date is not a bad idea. [Which is impressive considering how many bad ideas Dave has had in this thread.]

You should also mention that you are the Hollow Knight's friend. That would warm you to her.

[itsknighttime]

[[Dave's whole life is a series of bad ideas that he's made work some how and in at least this timeline didn't murder him horribly.]]

hahaha
damn
see? we got this
now i know where your lil pillbug got them wings
youre the ultimate wingman

[[He's talked himself into this corner and the paint won't dry on the floor any time soon.]]

[hagrides]

Please do not mention my name. She is only just beginning to trust me.

[If anyone asks, Grimm was only reluctantly involved in this, okay... He can't say no to Dave.]

[itsknighttime]

bro
no
you dont out your wing man
how can he be a wing man if you out him?
its like having a puppy at the park
sure you love the fuck out of your friends dog but god damn so does every hottie in three miles

[hagrides]

I will take your word for it. I have very little experience being a wing man, despite having had wings for quite some time now.

[itsknighttime]

its cool
you dont actually have to have wings for it its just really an added benefit you do
wait
so if you have wings do you fly or are they just for conversation piece?
how did i never ask this before? or is it just because your kid is small and they can fly because of that?

[hagrides]

I can fly, if I so choose. I have the benefit of proper legs, which my child has not yet grown, so I am also capable of walking while they cannot.

You likely did not ask before because you did not realize that my 'cloak' is simply my wings folded up.

[itsknighttime]

dude
we are going to go flying together
i dont have wings but i dont need them either
god i bet that kid is cute just flitting around

haha oh my god
are you strutting around naked except for your wings? damn man you got some balls

[hagrides]

They are adorable at all times.

Clothes are not standard where I am from like they are for humans. (And moths don't have balls.)

[itsknighttime]

yeah and at all times lucky to have a guy like you as their dad

[[Dave almost types out 'then where do mothballs come from' but he leaves that alone. Let's not talk about specific directed genocide against moths in the form of spheres.]]

you guys just split off a rib or what?

[hagrides]

Not so lucky as I am to be their father.

Our testes are inside our bodies, rather than hanging out as you do. I imagine if our genitalia were in plain view, we too would take up the custom of covering them with clothes.

[itsknighttime]

damn man
you give me hope for dads out there
did you meet my bro when he was here?

huh
okay you got me there
dicks are pretty out there
balls? definitely out there
we couldve done better as a species maybe

[hagrides]

Alas, I did not.

As wonderful as humans are in many ways, I must wonder about them putting such vital and sensitive organs on the outside. You may as well have drawn a target on them.

[itsknighttime]

guess its for the best he can be...
excessive

technically doesnt that make us more badass?
like if i saw a guy with his dick out at a blade fight id think he was a fuckin nutcase i wouldnt want to size up to
if hes crazy enough to sport the meat sword then hes crazy enough to do anything

[hagrides]

You make a compelling argument.

[itsknighttime]

haha well damn
first time for everything