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prismatica2019-12-31 05:55 pm
text ; [un:anon] β'ππ ππβ΄πβ β πππΎππ πβ―πΆπβ― ππ½β― πΉβ΄β΄ππ πππβ΄πΈπβ―πΉ
Enji? Has anyone seen Enji Todoroki..?
(
Hold on,
Not long now.
Feet almost back on the ground.
Kanda sat in his room, his room .. Enji's room, while he sent the text out. Kanda considered the both of them quite private. If Enji didn't tell anyone about Kanda then he wouldn't out himself to those Enji's touched while he was here. If Enji's gone then they ought to know.
If Enji's avoiding Kanda for some reason then he's taken to the network like a spoiled child searching for attention - someone will respond with what he needs to know, right? If Enji's with someone else, if he picked up and moved then someone would know - or maybe Enji would answer this post himself. Kanda can barely strategize clearly outside the ache within him: maybe this was a terrible fucking idea.
Hold on,
Wait for the sign.
Not long now,
Running the red light.
He knew he wasn't the only one in Enji's life, but the times he was with Enji made him feel like he truly was the only one. That this whole world was crafted just for the two of them to clash into one another, to discover what they were made of here and in some way acknowledge what they never allowed themselves to do so before coming here. Some piece of Enji was reserved for Kanda, of that he as sure, just as he felt some piece of himself was also locked away in wait for Enji to uncover. It was more than physical - it was something deeper than just what was enjoyed through carnal euphoria, it was almost spiritual..
It was the only way Kanda could explain it. It was both like and unlike his Innocence, his ethereal power, which was a weapon for demons not a key to unlock the piece of Eden he'd found with Enji. They didn't find themselves in this euphoric state long before now and Kanda can guarantee it's Karma.
I never thought I could need someone like I need you,
But I'll know when I see it.
The absence of Enji Todoroki tore at him in ways that his rejuvenation power could not touch. It was up to him to deal with the gash in his soul where only few people got close enough to touch. Two days was enough for Kanda to recognize his insanity; Enji's absence brought him a clarity he would not see while the Fire Hero was here. Instead of Kanda living in this blissful ignorance he had no choice but to recognize he lived in a world where there were no certainties. Layers made to repel others from getting in too deep had began to peel back, for Enji, but he was only the beginning. Enji's work on Kanda left him almost defenseless to others he'd come across in this world as well. Enji left him vulnerable and open for people to creep beneath his skin.
I still leave the doors unlocked,
I let the candles burn out,
Guess I'm still waiting for something.
Leave my messages unread,
Chase the feeling round my head,
But I'll know when I see it.
Kanda sets his phone to his side and he sighs. He brings his hands up to his face and he runs his palms up to his hair which is out of its usual ponytail. He's sure the text may even bring people to the apartment. He's not sure he's willing or ready to answer the door, but he's certain about one thing: Enji's not going to be walking back through that threshold. I don't want this fucking place.. He thinks more out of spite for the predicament he's in. Why would he stay in this place with all these memories, with all these stains. Why would he linger here to absorb whatever is left of Enji's presence? This was too much for Kanda and he contemplates on leaving. Yet, depression keeps him grounded and he lacks motivation to put this all behind him. Perhaps after he receives his answer from his post he'll feel differently. Though, he knows all he's waiting for is a confirmation to the only real question: Did Enji leave me? Either to another place here or back home the answer was yes. That wasn't going to change.
Hold on,
Not long now,
Conversation keeps the calm down.
My words feel just like regret,
Still don't know what we should have said.
A numbness settles in for now, he has no control over Enji - perhaps that's not really what he wanted but he can't help but think back to when Enji was here and Kanda could dominate the hero's time. He liked the way Enji was attentive to him, sensitive to Kanda's needs, and congenial to the environment of their shared apartment. Kanda did his best to put a little of himself here for Enji even when Kanda worked long nights and was gone for most of the day. He never wanted to put himself in a situation where he needed chroma which was another regulation of his controlling nature. It was a big deal to delve into the physical part of his relationship with Enji, he never wanted to do it when he needed chroma - he only ever wanted to do it when they both wanted it. When they both could own their actions and not give any credit to this world for pushing them into something prematurely.
But I'll know when I see it.
I still leave the doors unlocked,
I let the candles burn out,
Guess I'm still waiting for something.
Leave my messages unread,
Chase the feeling round my head,
Butβ¦
But maybe it was premature of them in the end - because Kanda's here feeling ripped apart. Which could mean Enji inevitably did take some part of him to wherever it was Enji left him for.)
un: sleeptight
How long?
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I would have thought he was taken but he would have put up a fight.
(Kanda refrains from stating that he would have noticed as well..)
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Great.
Have you heard anything from his son, Shoto Todoroki about if he knows?
He would have fought, and it would have been nasty.
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I'll see if I can get a hold of him.
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