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[coasts]

[ Hello, chicks and dicks of Lunatia. It's your favourite rappers gracing you with their presence today. Two of Mad Trigger Crew's members are now on the screen. The thin, white-haired idiot is wearing a pair of sunglasses and he pulls them down by an inch to show his red eyes to the camera. ]

Hey. Is your house a mess? Do you have a ton of rotten food in your fridge? Do you have weeds in your backyard? Are you a slob?

'cause if you said yes to at least one of those things, you gotta click the link below. MTC's gonna change your life.

[ The video linked begins with an intensely dropped beat, a dramatic scene in an alley. Two shirtless people running for their lives, scrambling through the rain like they’ve just fled a crime scene just as the Moon Knights showed up. The redhead is clearly military, a couple of scars on his back from bullet wounds. The man in front has white hair and a large yakuza tattoo on his back. There is rapping as this scene unfolds. ]

Get ready for a showdown,
Ain't no hoedown,
Grass is so brown,
Here to crackdown!

ON LAWNS!

[ As they bust out of the alley and into the open, it’s into a wild field of tall grass. In the middle of it, a large driveable lawn mower. The two of them hop on, the matching leather jackets they’re wearing flaring up as they do. As the camera moves to pan across their faces, it’s Samatoki and Riou, looking fiercely determined. They start racing off on the lawn mower. It looks like it’s in slow motion to accomodate for the fact that lawnmowers in reality aren’t very fast for this high speed chase. ]

MTC just won't let down,
Garden parties in tea gowns,
Either uptown or downtown,
Weeds are going like ghost towns--

YOUR LAWNS!

[ The camera view changes to the front of the lawnmower, coming toward the camera. As Moon Knight agents run through the alley behind them, suddenly both of the buildings forming the alley blow up in a MASSIVE special effects explosion as Riou and Samatoki put on sunglasses. Neither of them look back. ]

Get ready for the takedown,
From sunrise 'til sundown,
Weeds, leaves, grass, and tree crowns,
No more gardening breakdowns!

CLEAN LAWNS!

[ Riou takes out a power drill behind Samatoki on the lawn mower. He nods and turns the power drill on, whirring it a few times and then speaking: ]

We do repairs and housework, too.

[ The screen explodes then into a blue logo with a skull and guns... for Mad Trigger Cutters. And the commercial ends. ]

Comments

[coasts]

What kinda muffins are you buyin' that there ain't butter yet?

[ Itaru!! Is!! A dumbass!!! (says Samatoki) ]

[ssrs]

Aww, Sama-chan is just too pure to know the real meaning, huh? How cute!

[ he's Never letting this go ]

[coasts]

Who're you callin' "Sama-chan", you fuckin' pretzel roll?!

[ This is Itaru's hair. ]

[ssrs]

Gee, coming from Sama-chan's sweet mouth, this sounds like a cute term of endearment.

[ ... not, but listen, he's just having his fun here.

also really??? ]

Also, is that how you treat a potential client? I don't see this business going very far, if so...

[coasts]

Ah.

[ Well, that's enough for Samatoki to change his tune... WHY IS HE LIKE THIS!! ]

Whaddaya need?

[ssrs]

[ wow, a total 180. how is he supposed to say that he doesn't even have a lawn to mow? samatoki is going to be heartbroken. ]

Well, my place's kind of a mess -- [ because he's lazy ] -- like, a ton of empty pizza boxes around, and stuff. So I guess you could clean it up for me.

... but, are you sure you guys aren't just gonna make a bigger mess?

[coasts]

Who do you think you're talkin' to, ah?! If we say we'll clean a place up, we're gonna do it!

[ Don't brand him as a liar!!!! ]

[ssrs]

I just wasn't aware this is the kind of stuff Yakuza does. But I guess you learn something new every day.

[ wow... amazing. ]

Do I get a friend discount?

[coasts]

We aren't friends.

[ Do you think Samatoki has friends!! fuck off!!! ]

i had to

[ssrs]

Ah... lovers? Am I your girlfriend?

[ he gasps, then turns away, bashfully. ... he can only keep this act up for like a few seconds, though, before his shoulders droop and he begins to laugh. ]

You're so grumpy, Sama-chan. Lighten up a little -- 'course we're friends.

[coasts]

[ fdsagksdh samatoki visibly bristles like an angry dog this is the worst!!! ]

Like hell! You're not even my type!

[ You don't have an ass?!?!? ]

You into me or somethin'? Why the hell do you wanna be friends?!

[ssrs]

Do I need a reason?

[ has this guy never had a friend before??? ]

Well, I guess you can be pretty cute, when you're acting like a little, angry dog, but... I can't say that does a whole lot for me. [ he rubs his chin, thoughtfully, sounding perfectly monotone. he can do a whole analysis if samatoki wants?? ] But, y'know, since you helped me out my first day here, I am pretty fond of you.

[coasts]

'Tch.

[ This guy is an inconvenience... Samatoki doesn't look all that fond of Itaru, but he can't deny the stuff he's done for him. There's a grumble in his throat that almost sounds like a growl. ]

You're such a pain in the ass. Then you were in our cabin like some kind of raccoon in that winter place.

How're you even gettin' by in this place? Do you live in a box?

[ssrs]

[ samatoki's just triggering his bully switch, because he's so grumpy. whenever he sees someone this grumpy, he just wants to tease them? case in point: masumi. ]

Hey, hey, that wasn't my fault. I was assigned to that cabin! Besides, it was fun, wasn't it?

[ watching high school musical... the best. ]

Aww, are you worried about me? I'm managing, you know. Maybe if I didn't want to game, I'd be fine with a box, but...

[coasts]

[ ... Don't comparer Samatoki to Masumi, please. He's not a stalker. :( ]

To... game?

[ What the fuck does that mean? Ah, god. Is one of Samatoki's boyfriends a nerdlord... this feels like deja vu. ]

[ssrs]

[ well... idk... he seems pretty obsessed with a certain otaku?? ]

... yeah. You don't know what gaming is?

[ what year is it? itaru quirks an eyebrow, expectant. yes he's a nerd but at least he's not obsessed with idols so that's his one saving grace. ]

Well, I guess a guy like you wouldn't be into it. You've got better things to do, huh? Mr. Yakuza man.

[coasts]

[ excuse me who ]

I know what gaming is, you moron! [ Samatoki, you're the only moron here... ] Shit, s'that what you've been doin' up the whole night? I wanted the lights off but you wanted 'em on!

[ssrs]

Yep. You're a smart guy, so you know that it's much better to keep the lights on when you're staring at a screen, right? It hurts your eyes otherwise.

[ smart... lol ]

Plus, it's more fun with the lights on, right, Sama-chan?

[coasts]

[ smart............... ]

I just wanted to watch my damn movie.

[ssrs]

You can watch a movie with lights on, stuuuupid.

[ didn't he just call him smart? well. ]

Anyway, be nice to me or I'll tell everyone you're invested in singing highschool kids.