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[coasts]

[ Hello, chicks and dicks of Lunatia. It's your favourite rappers gracing you with their presence today. Two of Mad Trigger Crew's members are now on the screen. The thin, white-haired idiot is wearing a pair of sunglasses and he pulls them down by an inch to show his red eyes to the camera. ]

Hey. Is your house a mess? Do you have a ton of rotten food in your fridge? Do you have weeds in your backyard? Are you a slob?

'cause if you said yes to at least one of those things, you gotta click the link below. MTC's gonna change your life.

[ The video linked begins with an intensely dropped beat, a dramatic scene in an alley. Two shirtless people running for their lives, scrambling through the rain like they’ve just fled a crime scene just as the Moon Knights showed up. The redhead is clearly military, a couple of scars on his back from bullet wounds. The man in front has white hair and a large yakuza tattoo on his back. There is rapping as this scene unfolds. ]

Get ready for a showdown,
Ain't no hoedown,
Grass is so brown,
Here to crackdown!

ON LAWNS!

[ As they bust out of the alley and into the open, it’s into a wild field of tall grass. In the middle of it, a large driveable lawn mower. The two of them hop on, the matching leather jackets they’re wearing flaring up as they do. As the camera moves to pan across their faces, it’s Samatoki and Riou, looking fiercely determined. They start racing off on the lawn mower. It looks like it’s in slow motion to accomodate for the fact that lawnmowers in reality aren’t very fast for this high speed chase. ]

MTC just won't let down,
Garden parties in tea gowns,
Either uptown or downtown,
Weeds are going like ghost towns--

YOUR LAWNS!

[ The camera view changes to the front of the lawnmower, coming toward the camera. As Moon Knight agents run through the alley behind them, suddenly both of the buildings forming the alley blow up in a MASSIVE special effects explosion as Riou and Samatoki put on sunglasses. Neither of them look back. ]

Get ready for the takedown,
From sunrise 'til sundown,
Weeds, leaves, grass, and tree crowns,
No more gardening breakdowns!

CLEAN LAWNS!

[ Riou takes out a power drill behind Samatoki on the lawn mower. He nods and turns the power drill on, whirring it a few times and then speaking: ]

We do repairs and housework, too.

[ The screen explodes then into a blue logo with a skull and guns... for Mad Trigger Cutters. And the commercial ends. ]

Comments

[grylls]

Mm, they're very nice. [ Plus Riou will do things like reach for stuff on the shelf for them or break a walnut with his bare hands or whatever they need while he's there without an extra charge.. so he's very helpful. He gets good tips. ] It will add to my savings.

[ Most people don't consider menial work to be a source of savings. Riou, however, spends little to no chroma despite having multiple sources of it incoming. He doesn't buy food and he makes most things himself. He's a survivor, and once he got the basic tools he needed he hasn't spent money on much since... but he does believe in having money for times you need it, and bailing friends out of jail or feeding strays and so on.. ]

[kingfuckboy]

Ohh. A savings. [ JJ gets that. He likes to save as much as he can, but for different reasons - reasons that he just - says. ] Are you saving to treat yourself? You should treat yourself sometimes when you work hard.

[grylls]

No. I want to have it saved for emergencies. I'm self-sufficient, but if I break my leg, I'll need money.

[ it would be very hard to wrestle a boar to the ground if his leg is broken, he may need to just buy food from a butcher like a normal person.

or pay medical bills. ]

[kingfuckboy]

I mean, I think that you'll be able to take care of yourself here anyway. They seem to take good care of us most of the time.

[ wait -- ] Or did you mean at home?

[grylls]

Both. It's better to prepare than be caught off guard.

[ He's a survivor, he's not going to not prepare for emergencies.]

[kingfuckboy]

I mean, I can't really argue with that. Props to you, man. I definitely don't have that kind of restraint.

[grylls]

Rather than restraint, it's interesting to do things yourself.

[ He really likes camping and doing things himself, he's basically Ron Swanson but a rapper don't worry about it.. ]

[kingfuckboy]

What sort of stuff do you mean, though? Like, I can cook and stuff.

[grylls]

I'm a survivalist, so I do everything on my own. I enjoy survival cooking. I also hunt and forage my own food, am an expert in traps and hand-to-hand, armed, and verbal combat. I maintain a military-grade lifestyle; this is my first time living in a city since I was discharged from the Navy.

[kingfuckboy]

[ Woah. Holy shit. ]

You're badass!

[grylls]

I do my best to be prepared. Thank you.

[ he's not exactly the bragging type, but he can accept a compliment. ]