prismatica | 001; video;

[As Kylo Ren (if that name could even be considered separate from him at all) he had never used the network. He hadn't bothered really talking to people other than the occasional response. He kept to himself. Perhaps if he had made an effort someone besides Rey might have cared when he disappeared a few days ago.

When he had left it hadn't been during Sanguis. Now that he was back, he was sitting in Rey's apartment - her plants hanging up and sitting in pots in the background. He had questions that needed answers.]

I haven't introduced myself before, though some of you I've spoken to may know me as Kylo Ren. Those who I've met can continue to address me by that name, though I'd prefer to go by Ben Solo. For those who I've yet to meet I can't say I'm terribly sorry for being so antisocial.

[There's a hint of a smile, just the subtle curl of his lips at the edges.]

I'm sure I'm not the first, but has anyone here been able to experience being sent away because of a lack of Chroma being generated? I feel as if I've come back differently, in some ways.

[He won't go into detail, but he's remembered things he didn't know before. For him a year has passed and now his scar is gone. He has experienced death. Part of him is still trying to process it all, how he spent nearly a year here and just like that he had returned home - or what he thinks is home. He's not entirely sure he can trust it. The memories changed him, though.

While his clothes were still the same black as usual, he looked and felt more at ease. His posture had become less tense. For all intents and purposes he was different but still the same.]

Private Message: Finn

Rey isn't here. I can't feel her anymore. Did she speak with you at all before she disappeared?

[He's hoping it's the same as his situation. He needed her to be back so that they could sort out a few things. It was also good that Finn was here too. He could ]

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[The way she says it - he can hazard a guess either she knows Finn and has heard of him that way or she's one of his mother's people. He might take a stab in the dark and guess it's the latter. Finn undoubtedly didn't care enough to talk about him with other people.]

One in the same.

[He shrugs, preparing himself for whatever she has to say.]

I see. [ She swallows; Rose has never thought she'd be speaking with him, but here we are. He doesn't look (or seem) like someone who could command an army - he's a lot younger looking than she'd expected.

He's hardly what she would've expected, but it's not the forefront of her mind: not like the fresh anger and grief.

As she speaks, Rose clasps her medallion. ]

Is that all you've got to say? After everything...

[He knows, from his own grief, what it looks and feels like. He can't take back what he's done and he can't just will his parents or his uncle back to life either. There was no end to that grief or that guilt and he couldn't begin to fathom how to make it right for those who had lost loved ones too.]

No, but anything I say is just lip service. Apologies don't make it right.

[He sighs, his throat tightening as he tries not to think of his mother who was always better with words than him.]

I can't take away the things I've done, that the First Order has done, and I'm not expecting anyone's understanding or forgiveness.

Edited 2020-02-02 05:10 (UTC)

You're right, words are only words unless you've got the actions behind them.

[ Rose sighs, deflating slightly as she runs a hand through her hair. She's gesturing as she talks. ]

I was kind of expecting more.... I dunno, justifications. For everything. But here you are, letting a total stranger yell at you and not saying a word against any of it.

[ She frowns. ]

Sure you're the same guy?

[ This is such a weird conversation, Rose isn't sure how to feel. She thought that getting her anger out would feel... better. But it doesn't. ]

I have my reasons for why I took part in the First Order's dealings, but the only person I'd rather talk to about them isn't here.

[And now he'll never get the chance to, unless this place can even cheat death. That would be so like his mother, really. He supposes it's a possibility. He's here, after all.]

That doesn't make my reasons solid ones. You're not the first person who probably wants to yell at me about their home being destroyed by one of Hux's pet projects or my own actions nor will you be the last.

[He shrugs at her question.]

Last I checked I'm the same person, though maybe with less wanton murder.

[ Who is that, she wants to ask - but it feels a little personal for a first conversation. And while he might be the former Supreme Leader, she'd rather not give him a reason to get pissed off at her.

So Rose manages to clamp down on her nervous rambling for a moment to really study him.

At the mention of Hux she scoffs. ]

So you're really... different, now?

I'm Rose, by the way. Tico. Rose Tico. You've probably guessed I'm with the Resistance, already.

[The list of people who cares about him is small, so it might be a short list, were she to guess.]

I'm trying to be. That's a step in the right direction, wouldn't you say?

[He still feels weird about it, though. It wasn't an easy choice to make but he'd made much worse choices in his life.]

Yes, I had a feeling you were with the Resistance. I'd say it's nice to meet you but I haven't met many who are usually happy to meet me.

[Most people he's met here don't become angry upon hearing his name.]

I'm amazed you didn't get mad at me for the other name too.

['Solo' isn't exactly a common name where they're from. He's pretty sure he and his father were the only ones.]

Edited 2020-02-13 04:41 (UTC)

[ Try as she might, Rose can't help the small quirk of her mouth in what is almost a smile. ]

Yeah, I guess it is.

Might have something to do with that reputation of yours but if you have to know, as of right now you seem like less of a colossal ass than that General is. I'd hardly expect any kind of repentance from him. [ ... maybe? Just going from this conversation alone vs her first one with Hux; yes, she'd say she's about right.

She bit him once, she'll do it again. ]

Solo? [ ... ] Oh.

That makes Han Solo your dad, huh?

Mm. I'm pretty sure Hux was born that way. Malicious and stupid.

[Okay maybe not stupid. Hux was smart in a dangerous way. He knew how to make him hurt.]

Yes, he is. Was.

[He nods once, before bowing his head solemnly for a moment. It's still impossible to forgive himself for what he did to him, though he was slowly allowing himself to one day at a time. He'd made it right, somewhat. Nothing could ever truly make it right.]

My mother is General Organa.

[Was. The only person he's even thought of allowing himself to talk to about it is Rey. Even then, he still has a tight lid on his fellings about his mother.

Grief aside, the famed Resistance General being his mother kind of put a bit of a conflict of interest into well... everything.]

Edited (SORRY FOR MY EDITS LOL) 2020-02-16 04:46 (UTC)

I don't think he'd ever been bitten by a prisoner, before. [ he doubts Hux flaunts that he was bit by rebel scum, and her telling the story is her way of getting the word out.

She can be spiteful, too. ]

Oh, now that you mention it, I can kinda see it. [ there's a little bit of the General's face in his features -- she obviously hadn't known that Kylo Ren was Han and Leia's son. Not even knowing she had a son; but it wasn't like she had many personal conversations with the woman. Mostly resistance matters. She'd kept her and Paige from running off and doing something reckless against the Order after their home had been...

destroyed.

Her face falls, and when she speaks again, her voice has gone a little quiet. ]

I'm from Hays Minor. Did you know of it?

You bit him? I would have enjoyed seeing that.

[He almost smiles at the image. The way her expression wilts erases the idea completely.]

Only from First Order records and maps. That was your home?

[Just imagining what had been done reminded him of his mother’s own grief for Alderaan.]

You should ask him, I'm sure he'd love to retell the story.

[ also letting him know that his superior officer knows about that rebel scum that got one on him... ]

Yes, it was. My sister and I lived there, until the planet was almost inhospitable because all of the mining and the weapons testing -- and we were sent away.

[ and Paige, what had happened to her... ]

Maybe it doesn't matter how I feel about you. I'm kind of a nobody. I just.. thought you should know I want to believe you aren't that person I heard all those stories about, any longer. But it's more complicated than that.

It does matter. To you it should matter.

[He takes a breath, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He had never been in her shoes. The closest person to experience that would have been his mother.]

I didn't decide to defect thinking it would be so clear cut as everything being forgiven. I killed my own father and my uncle. I destroyed lives for Snoke and then to take power on my own as the Supreme Leader. It is complicated.

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