prismatica | text, un: mafuyu

probs try to figure out if theyre a zombie or like not really them bc i dont trust this place at all!!!

u ok bro? if u wanna talk dm me ok im here for u

[Leave it to Dice to lift his spirits just a little in the midst of his heavier conversations.]

Wouldn't you know if they were a zombie?
It's always obvious in movies

I'm ok
Nothing happened
I was just thinking about stuff... I guess

plz the movies want u to think zombies only look 1 way but u know its not that simple it cant be
i mean im not like the conspiracy theory type but this place has a track record for makin ppl do weird shit im not putting anything above them!!!

but i guess if u ask if theyre a zombie and theyre like nah dude im totally me then ud go with it huh but if they were like UUUU BRAINSSSSS ud fuckin run

as long as ur ok!! no "i guess" but man i gotta tell u
we all got our shit in our past that we wanna forget or change or wish it went different but what u do going forward is what matters
u gotta love the life u live and u gotta love it double extra for the ppl who r gone
ur a good dude ur one of the coolest ppl here imo so keep goin ok

man im gonna feel real dumb if ur talkin about like a celebrity and not somebody u know

[How on earth does Dice manage to be incredibly dumb yet say such hard-hitting things at the same time?

Everything about zombies matters so little compared to what follows it, and although Mafuyu takes an awfully long time to respond, he's thought everything through extra carefully. One of the coolest people here? Dice really thinks that? It reminds him of something Uenoyama said...]

Love my life double extra...
I'll try.
For his sake and my band's too

I think
I really needed to hear that back then
And right now
Thank you

Do you remember the song I showed you?
You know I'm not good at expressing myself
But it's how I was able to say everything for the first time
Through song instead of words

He was my boyfriend before Uenoyama-kun
I'm okay now
Mostly
But I'll tell you if you want
You deserve to hear it

dude
i am SO sorry
maybe im just some bum but like even i know for some people its hard to say what u mean
its good u found ur words even if its a song or something else even if it was hard and u wanted it to be perfect or u just wanted to get it out

tbh u tell me what u want and dont feel obligated bc like
idk man i got shit in my past i dont like to get into but it doesnt mean it isnt part of what i been through its like
even if it was bad u cant help that u gotta live and live and live and live until u die and u gotta say u did things ur way or u will regret it

back home i didnt care if i was alive or if i was dead and id do dumb shit like bet my life and idk i felt really weird all the time
like

a few yrs ago i ran away from home and i fucked off and lived on the streets and i had nothing
and i probably looked to my family like i was some kinda ungrateful piece of shit but
now my moms doing some bad shit back home and my friends dont even know were related they just think im some dumbass
gentaro doesnt even know
people might die bc shes crazy and i cant do shit abt it

man we all got shit in our lives
we all gotta keep going
gentaro made me think that and u too u got like a rly good heart i think and if somebody comes along and makes u sad i will seriously beat the shit out of them
ok?

I don't understand how you can go from talking about zombies to telling me something so serious
You didn't have to open up to me
You're always saying stupid things and smiling and laughing
Of course no one would know

Isn't it hard?
Keeping everything in

Or is it easier to deal with the pain of keeping it all in than trying to talk about it?
Because I understand that
Really really well

If you're okay with hearing it
I want to tell you clearly
Even if it's hard

[And as promised, he does tell his story... but the conversation only shows that he's typing for a solid half hour until he sends it all at once.]

Yuki was my first friend
The first person I loved
He was most of my firsts

We were always together since we were kids
Me and Yuki and our friends Hiiragi and Shizu-chan
You couldn't separate us

Yuki was an amazing person
Confident and loud and always drawing people in
Everyone said we completed each other
We started dating in middle school
It just kind of happened

But then I went to a different high school
Yuki started a band with Hiiragi and Shizu-chan
And started practicing every day and working to buy a guitar
We had a fight over it
Just a normal one
The kind we'd apologize after and everything would be fine

But then nobody heard from him for days
I went to his apartment to apologize
And found him

He didn't give a warning or leave a note
That's all
It's been a year since then

Everything hurt too much
I stopped going to school for a while
And didn't talk to anyone
Everything felt dark
And I didn't know how to express it

His mom gave me his guitar
Carrying it with me made me feel like I had a part of him with me
Then the school year changed
And I met Uenoyama-kun
That's what changed me

I know it's a lot
I still can't explain it well
Sorry

Edited 2020-02-13 07:13 (UTC)

i guess for me its not as hard bc im not there anymore and i dont wanna go back so maybe thats like cheating a little idk
man its not like what ur goin thru its like i guess i can ignore it easy bc im like that
i just run away from shit ig
its easier that way

u are a good person
i hope you dont blame urself but if u do u know like someone who really cares abt u even if theyre far away or gone they still want whats best for u
im not gonna speak much for somebody else esp not somebody i never met and u know better than me but i bet at the end of the day hed want u to be happy and u found somebody who makes u happy right?
even if theyre not here
damn man im sorry its so rough for u
i bet it hurts and its scary and u feel alone sometimes but u got friends here and more important u got a way to express urself and get it out
it helps me
im mad about shit sometimes so i have like really hard raps its like that right?

n remember a year isnt that long sometimes it can feel like forever but what i mean is its ok to still hurt if u hurt and its ok to move forward too u gotta keep living

its ok to talk to ppl and reach out if that helps u
i mean im here its not a big deal if u wanna talk or hang out or whatever im down any time

im sorry i called ur bf a zombie

You say that like I didn't run away too
I ran away for a long time
Even Uenoyama-kun doesn't know all the details
Because I didn't want to face it
But I had to if I wanted things to change
To write those lyrics
I had to step back and look at it all

It's not a competition
I'm trying to move on
But that doesn't mean it's not hard for you too

But
You're right
I realized it the first time I was on stage
I haven't forgiven myself yet
And I haven't forgiven him yet either
But I want to

I think he'd be happy
That I'm happy now
Even if it's lonely on my own
Without Uenoyama-kun or anyone from home

Thanks
I'm glad I met you

Let's sing together again

hey
lets try to do it
to live really cool lives

nobodys sayin u gotta change ur direction or change who u r
but we gotta keep goin
its kinda weird
u make me feel like tellin gentaro
maybe i gotta face it a little too
a little bit at a time

i think people think im just stupid and reckless
but its not like that
its like i dont really know what to live for some days
so im gonna work on that too

im really glad i met u
ur gonna make it and ur gonna make music nobody else can make

That's what I learned
It's the only way I got through at first
Living day by day
Little by little
Because he couldn't

It's too hard to think of the future
It's scary
So I think it's fine
Just living day by day
Until you find something important

You should tell him when you feel like it
Maybe he'll open up to you too
Everyone has secrets
And things they don't want to talk about

I don't know what my future with music is
We haven't talked about it
But I know I don't want to leave it behind

You can make it too
You're strong enough to make it through

text, un: mafuyu

Text; un: deadoralive

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1/2

2/2 dice figured out how to priv congrats to him

1/2 - Private right back! I'm so proud.

2/2 - With the suicide CW that we all knew was coming.

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