( video, un: lavieenrose )

[affectueux]

[ maybe it’s insanity. more likely, it’s the combination of the sanguis cycle and his upcoming birthday making him restless and impulsive. he can usually tamp down those urges when things are normal, but he also can’t recall a moment when things have ever been normal in lunatia.

maybe that’s a contributing factor, too. either way, here’s a video of serge—like the cycles before, he’s got little bear features. paws included, even if his hands are off-screen. ]

Er, bonjour. My name is Serge… I’ve cleaned many of your tables at Salon de Marie. [ it gets harder when he’s a bear, but that’s neither here nor there. ] My birthday will be coming up soon, and I—it—

[ he frowns, searching for the words. he should have planned this better, but again. the haste. ]

In my world, I’m set to inherit my family’s estate on my 18th birthday. I’ll be expected to get married and carry on the family name, as I’m the only child of my late father. [ he realizes something, and holds up a hand in brief fluster. ] I’m not saying this to brag! It’s relevant, I promise. I bring it up because there’s—a person. Someone I love. Someone I can neither marry nor produce a child with.

…this is quite heavy, isn’t it? I’ll try to get to the point. When your heart is in conflict with both duty and the expectations of society, what are you supposed to do? What can you do?

Merci, everyone. For your attention.

Comments

[noenvy]

I guess it's hard when you're gentry to try and blend in with the small people.

[He could always take care of himself, money or not, somehow.]

If you truly love someone and want to be with them, abandoning everything should be fine. Jobs can be what you find on the way. Maybe farming? You make your own food, can trade for things that are needed. Hunt for food, use the talents you have and charge for them if you must.

[Of course his idea of gentry was very different. A different time, a different country.]

[affectueux]

[ this man makes it sound attractively easy, even if what he’s describing would actually be hard work. impossible work, in fact, for someone like gilbert.

any interest serge had in the idea disappears from his eyes, when he thinks about the reality. ]

No. We can’t do that. I’m sorry to sound so defeatist, but…

[noenvy]

I'm sorry I don't have any better ideas.

I eloped, but, traveling on the road wasn't an issue, and Lan Zhan has plenty of money. The small people will also generally do what they can to make cultivators comfortable, so there was never anything lacking.

Maybe I'm a little spoiled....

[affectueux]

[ …serge finds himself smiling, despite the fact that he should feel nothing but envy. ]

I’m spoiled to be able to ask the question at all. I think there are plenty of people who couldn’t dream of having a choice. So there’s no need to apologize. [ serge pauses. ] Are you happy with, um… “Lan Zhan”?

[ his pronunciation is off, but he’s trying, you know. ]

[noenvy]

Yes!

[And he can't help but grin widely. You can tell there is a lot of love there.]

There were a lot of hardships, but, somehow we got a happy ending.

It took many years, over a decade, so, perhaps you can find one eventually as well.

[affectueux]

…

[ how enviable. it gives him a little hope, too, but he knows that gilbert won’t last another year of this life, let alone a decade. ]

I hope this isn’t too personal. Do you have a favorite memory together?

[noenvy]

I'm not sure, there are lots of moments I am fond of. Perhaps when we were young and first got to know each other. I had to copy his sects rules because I was misbehaving. His uncle didn't trust me so he set him as my keeper. I spent a month teasing him every day. He had the best reactions! He got so mad easily, it was great! Once I switched his book with pornography and he got so upset he drew his sword on me and destroyed the book!

But, I think more than anything, it's the times he stood by me. Supported me silently. Let me know that I wasn't alone.

[affectueux]

[ even serge, moody as he is, laughs quietly at that. he’s no stranger to a little physical comedy, and back when he was in school, it was easy to pull those sorts of pranks when the worst anyone would ever do was smack him with a ruler.

things are different now. but he treasures those memories. ]

It’s the person capable of both things that you love, non? I understand. Is he here with you?

[noenvy]

Yes. I love his smile when he is happy, and his frown when he is mad, the annoyed sounds he makes when he thinks something is ridiculous. It took me a long time to realize it though. And I am fortunate enough that he is here. Or more, he is fortunate I am here I guess. I only recently came to this place, but he has been here for at least seven months already.

[affectueux]

[ it won’t be long before serge reaches seven months without gilbert. that’s the longest he’s gone since they’ve met—but then, a day is the longest he’s gone since they’ve met, considering they’ve lived together since day one. ]

He must have been dying without you.

[noenvy]

From what I understand there was a version of myself here before, but, I was from a time when I was unaware of my feelings. Though, not the same, he wasnt quite alone.

Thiugh... he had to suffer alone for a long time before.

[affectueux]

[ …now, that gets serge’s attention. a version of himself. ]

I don’t mean to interrupt. But about what you said—there was another version of you here before?

[noenvy]

Yes. It seems that people can come and here, and are not always matched in current events to others from their same world. My other self who was here only remembered up to a point which was a while ago compared to myself and my husband.

[affectueux]

[ husband, he says… of course, he’d informed serge that he and his beau had eloped, but it’s different hearing him refer to him out loud as his spouse. good for him. good for his bravery!

that’s not the point of the conversation, though. not anymore. ]

How strange…

[ if an earlier version of gilbert came here, what would happen? if a later one did? ]

I think it would be heartbreaking to be separated from your lover by time. Our experiences shape us, non?

[noenvy]

I think it was. I know I don't want to imagine what it would be like if he only remembered before. I think I would be less forgiving than he was.

[But it's hard to say when not actually in the position.]

I know when I first arrived he... hmm... seemed full of longing.