( video, un: lavieenrose )

[affectueux]

[ maybe it’s insanity. more likely, it’s the combination of the sanguis cycle and his upcoming birthday making him restless and impulsive. he can usually tamp down those urges when things are normal, but he also can’t recall a moment when things have ever been normal in lunatia.

maybe that’s a contributing factor, too. either way, here’s a video of serge—like the cycles before, he’s got little bear features. paws included, even if his hands are off-screen. ]

Er, bonjour. My name is Serge… I’ve cleaned many of your tables at Salon de Marie. [ it gets harder when he’s a bear, but that’s neither here nor there. ] My birthday will be coming up soon, and I—it—

[ he frowns, searching for the words. he should have planned this better, but again. the haste. ]

In my world, I’m set to inherit my family’s estate on my 18th birthday. I’ll be expected to get married and carry on the family name, as I’m the only child of my late father. [ he realizes something, and holds up a hand in brief fluster. ] I’m not saying this to brag! It’s relevant, I promise. I bring it up because there’s—a person. Someone I love. Someone I can neither marry nor produce a child with.

…this is quite heavy, isn’t it? I’ll try to get to the point. When your heart is in conflict with both duty and the expectations of society, what are you supposed to do? What can you do?

Merci, everyone. For your attention.

Comments

[affectueux]

What’s best for me is something impossibly selfish. It might even be unattainable… I’m beginning to feel as if I’ll be miserable either way.

[ not because of his love for gilbert, but because of the pervasive awareness that he’ll never be good enough. ]

What if you had chosen the path you’re on now, and in the end, it made things worse for you? Even though you’ve followed your heart…

[arrowroot]

Well, considering the fact that my involvement in Elona prevented a lot of death and destruction but was far from a perfect ending, I can't imagine how much worse it could have been.

But... speaking hypothetically? I still would have done it, if only to say that I tried. You can't accomplish anything by simply sitting on your laurels hoping another solution is going to present itself.

[affectueux]

Hah… if only I had laurels to rest on!

[ although there’s no mirth in his voice, there isn’t any malice either. he doesn’t begrudge her blunt advice. ]

We did end up running away from it all. The moment I return, assuming I do, we’ll still be jobless and homeless and almost certainly incapable of improving either. The smart thing to do would be to give up, don’t you think? We tried, and we failed. It’s foolish to keep going on a futile path. It isn’t like fighting for the good of others at all.

[ he sighs. ]

I almost envy you.

[arrowroot]

[Oh no...

Ana tries very hard to pretend like she isn't entirely a Den Mother at this point in her life but really, she is, and the way he's talking just makes her want to hug him.

She's not there to do so, though, so all she can offer is some stern words.]

That is not how you should react to failure. Everyone fails at some point. You don't just stop moving forward. You pick yourself back up and try again. Try a different path. Reevaluate your options.

There's nothing to envy about me, but there's plenty you could learn.

[affectueux]

…

[ serge has really cried his poor eyes out about this off-screen, so luckily, there’s no indication that he’s on the verge now because tears simply won’t come. he inhales at her stern voice, but he isn’t afraid or upset. ]

Je suis désolé. I must sound so pathetic. It’s hard when the only thing I can do here is think.

[arrowroot]

[Oh no... Oh Melandru, she botched this up. She was trying to be encouraging and went too far.

Not the first time. Probably not the last. She does feel bad, though.]

No... you don't sound pathetic. You sound like you're in a lot of pain. I can try to push someone to break out of their shells all I want but I can't fully put myself in your shoes. I'm sorry...

[affectueux]

You have no need to be sorry, madame. I promise.

[ he straightens himself up, now sorry for having made her feel sorry, and it’ll be a big apologetic sorry-fest if he doesn’t say the right thing now. ]

You are right. And… if you could fully put yourself in my shoes, you would be just as conflicted as I am. It’s good to hear from people outside of it.

[arrowroot]

Another perspective can do wonders for your own.

[A soft smile, sad and sympathetic. He has a lot of reasons to feel so conflicted.

He's right, she would feel the same if the shoe were on the other foot.]

I know it might be a stretch to wish this for you, but I do hope you find at least some sort of peace here, however temporary.

[affectueux]

It isn’t a stretch. I have found some peace. There are things I’ve gotten to do here that I could never do at home, and probably never will be able to do once I return.

[ and that has nothing to do with the crossroads waiting for him. it’s just a fact of living in the century he does. ]

I think of all the places I could have ended up, this is quite a wonderful world.

[arrowroot]

That's good to hear then.

[That is something she understands well. There's a lot happening here that would never happen at home, no matter how crazy Tyria can be sometimes.]

It is. I'm... a little homesick. I miss my brother most of all. But there's a lot here that makes the ache easier to deal with.

[affectueux]

Ah, yes… homesickness is an odd feeling here.

[ serge often feels homesick. he felt homesick, even when he was in the places that he wanted to be, and chose to be. he isn’t sure what his home is supposed to look like. ]

Is your brother younger or older?

[arrowroot]

We're twins, actually, though I'm fairly certain I'm the older one.

[She's slightly joking, there's really no way to know for certain, but she's always behaved as if Rurik was the "little" brother.]

[affectueux]

[ serge chuckles. he’s never known twins, but there’s something in the cultural consciousness about them arguing over that sort of thing. ]

It’s something to be proud of, certainly! I’ve always wanted siblings.

[arrowroot]

It's a pain.

[She has more than just Rurik, after all. The Ackermann family is fairly large.]

But... I love them. Even Auguste, who I'm fairly certain would throw me under a caravan just as much as save me from one.

[affectueux]

[ there’s something briefly scared, maybe, in serge’s expression when she mentions the name auguste, but there’s no way it’s the same person. she’s from somewhere else entirely. ]

Aha… isn’t that how siblings often go? My friend Pascal has a large family, and they seem to bicker every time they’re together, but there’s no one I know who loves each other more.

[arrowroot]

It is. I think he takes it a bit too far sometimes, but he loves us. It does surprise me, though. Rurik and I aren't biologically Ackermanns. We're adopted.