prismatica | ( video, un: lavieenrose )

[ maybe it’s insanity. more likely, it’s the combination of the sanguis cycle and his upcoming birthday making him restless and impulsive. he can usually tamp down those urges when things are normal, but he also can’t recall a moment when things have ever been normal in lunatia.

maybe that’s a contributing factor, too. either way, here’s a video of serge—like the cycles before, he’s got little bear features. paws included, even if his hands are off-screen. ]

Er, bonjour. My name is Serge… I’ve cleaned many of your tables at Salon de Marie. [ it gets harder when he’s a bear, but that’s neither here nor there. ] My birthday will be coming up soon, and I—it—

[ he frowns, searching for the words. he should have planned this better, but again. the haste. ]

In my world, I’m set to inherit my family’s estate on my 18th birthday. I’ll be expected to get married and carry on the family name, as I’m the only child of my late father. [ he realizes something, and holds up a hand in brief fluster. ] I’m not saying this to brag! It’s relevant, I promise. I bring it up because there’s—a person. Someone I love. Someone I can neither marry nor produce a child with.

…this is quite heavy, isn’t it? I’ll try to get to the point. When your heart is in conflict with both duty and the expectations of society, what are you supposed to do? What can you do?

Merci, everyone. For your attention.

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I am my father’s only son, it’s true. But he had sisters, and I have a cousin who is precious to me.

[ he sighs; and yet, he’s surprised at how easy it is to talk to titus once he’s not thinking about their last interaction. ]

And… there are those working in my house, too, that may not be related by blood, but are family to me all the same.

I see...
Why will they suffer? What is it that your estate will lose, if you cannot undo whatever damage those before you did to your family name? Or, put another way... exactly what is it that having a child will accomplish?

…

[ serge falls silent at that, momentarily miserable at the thought of angeline having to marry someone like auguste after all, just to keep some status in the family. although she’s carlisle-madison, rather than battour… ]

I suppose it’s the principle of the thing. [ because he can’t talk about angeline like that. ] I have no need for status. I’m happy as I am, but… there’s so much expected of me.

[ titus feels fairly certain that there's something fundamental about this he's just not Getting... (and to be sure, there are so many, many things he fundamentally doesn't Get). but continuing to pry for more details and explanations at this point certainly doesn't feel like the right move. ]

So then...
You mean, it wouldn't be as simple as fulfilling one or two expectations and being done with it. You'd have to give over your whole life?

…yes.

[ and there was a time where the thought didn’t scare him. he’s always known that it was his duty to head the battour estate, and when he was a child, before he understood all that rode on his ability to be good, he just thought of his name as a connection to his parents.

these days, though, it’s different. he would be a different person in that house. ]

But I suppose I haven’t said it to myself, in those words.

[ titus is quiet for another several seconds. he's trying to think about serge, but of course he ends up thinking about himself; he too was supposed to give over his life for the empire, but in the end...
well, he's not sure what, in the end. it hasn't happened yet. but he does know he made a decision he won't be able to take back. ]

...Could you really do it?
If you think about all the people you love, and all the things you want... you will probably have to trade some of them for others no matter what decision you make. Even if you have the resolve to sacrifice yourself, it sounds as though that will not be the end of it, and... you won't be the only one hurt, right?

[ titus is not the sort of person serge anticipated this talk from. it’s not that people can’t have layers or depths beyond what a first impression implies, but he had been so bubbly, so sunny… or perhaps that was serge’s rose-colored glasses. he isn’t sure, but either way, it does strangely hurt to hear him speak like this. ]

I could do it.

[ he doesn’t want to, but he could. he sounds grim. ]

But I suppose that certainty is what drives many men to ruin, too.

Ha.
Well, at least you can rely on yourself... whatever you decide.
I suppose if you have already weighed them all in the balance, then you know which path will be better for those dear to you. So you just have to take it.

[ yes, indeed, this titus is very different, and serge wonders who he is outside of their brief, odd meeting. ]

You’re right.

[ what he doesn’t know is that it will be decided for him—but that’s a blessing for now. ]

I must… thank you, for responding to me like this.

Why?
It doesn't seem as though I really managed to help...

Not about… this, though it’s nice to talk. I’m just grateful that you’re still willing to speak to me after our, um, prior conversation.

Oh.

Well...
You know, I would not normally ignore a post like this one. It seemed rather ungracious to do so this time merely because of something that was not actually under your control...
I was worried at first that it had been a mistake, but I am glad to hear it wasn't.

[ ah, he’s kind… ]

Non. It’s no mistake at all. It’s nice to properly meet you, though I have to admit that I wish this weren’t the topic…

Then shall we switch to a different one? Unless you are not quite in the right mood to be distracted...

( video, un: lavieenrose )

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