[Text] un: jackpot

[often_impaled]

Will moonlace for pizza.

[That's it, nothing else of value is texted. There's no added information, no limits listed, or preferences for that matter. The only other addition to the text is an attached picture featuring great abs and very low slung pants and little else.

Dante figures that it'll get the point across without saying anything more.]

Comments

2/3

[often_impaled]

[Then Nero talks about his father, and Dante chokes on what he's drinking, spraying it across his current company. He climbs over the couch, and rereads the text.

And again.

What the flying fuck?]

Yeah, no. I'm gonna have to call you out on this one. If you know Vergil at all, you know that he's the stuffiest bastard to ever walk the face of this earth or any other. He's seriously too stiff to ever get laid. Even if he wanted to, which I can't see happening, he has the charm of an angry snake. Seriously. It'd be easier for Cerberus to get a date. And he's a literal dog. Or he was, anyway.

3/3

[often_impaled]

[Dante doesn't even know how to unpack this.

Fuck.]

You're not joking, are you?

Shit.

I didn't think this was possible.

oh boy lol

[devilbreak]

If it makes you feel any better I grew up in an orphanage. You know more about the guy than I do. Only found out about it recently because you and everyone else seemed to know but never said shit to me about it until I ended up in a place like this called Duplicity. There was pizza laced with some weird truth serum and I haven’t talked to you in person since.

Also, stay away from me. You’re just going to grow up to be a clown and a jackass.

[He doesn’t mean that. He’s just doing the thing he said he wouldn’t do because he’s still upset about it all.]

sob

[often_impaled]

Nice tragic backstory. Do you like dumping this stuff on strangers? Seriously man, we just met. You move way too fast.

Sorry my bro dumped you. But don't take it out on me. There's not going to be any problem with keeping my distance.

[devilbreak]

You're a fucking douchebag.
Have a happy life, asshole.

[often_impaled]

It must run in the family.
You and Vergil are both royal pains in the ass.

[devilbreak]

You’re not much better.
UNCLE.

[often_impaled]

That's so gross.
Don't call me that again.
You look like you're older than I am.

[devilbreak]

[Oh no, someone shouldn't have let him know he hates it.]

Okay, uncle.
Whatever you say.

[often_impaled]

[God, what an annoying little shit.

That's older than him.

Fuck.]

Screw off, brat. [Fine then, two can play at that game.]