prismatica | text, un: bellabelle

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text, un: bellabelle

Hey, maybe this is going to sound like kind of a silly question, but — does anybody have any advice for staying focused while studying for exams? I really don't remember it being this hard! I mean...sure, it's been a really long time since I've had to study like this, but it shouldn't be that tough to pick up again, right?

Though I guess I ought to know better than to try to study during Cordis, but...

Well, my plans to study during Sanguis kind of got...interrupted! So now here I am, going over everything, and I keep getting sidetracked by one thing or another. Half the time I want to get up and eat, and then other times I want to lie down and take a nap...ugh!

But I really need to stop letting so much time go to waste. I made a promise to myself that I was going to do this! And I've worked this hard already for months and months, I can't trip at the finish line now!

Jeez, maybe I ought to borrow some catnip from the cafe and sprinkle it on my books, I bet I'd pay attention to them then.

(This is actually my first time being a cat for Cordis — I guess you could say it's pretty im-purr-essive that it hasn't happened before now! Especially what with owning a cat cafe and all. I just wish it weren't so distracting!)

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Hi, Niichan. Thanks again for being a great babysitter. I guess I'm rubbing off on you or something!

[...]

That's not the only thing I bought from Lumi, either. He had something that he said would let me change how I looked, and I got that, too. But...yeah. I just thought maybe sometime I'd want to try to see who I would've been.

...And hey, maybe it would've turned out that when I'm older I'm ugly and sag-faced! Then it would've been a good thing I never grew up...ha...

Well, I did think a bit "aw shit what would Reimi do" and did my best. In retrospect, I really shouldn't have fucked up your appetite with cupcakes, but you were too cute to refuse.

[Right. This topic. He kind of wishes he was with her right now for this conversation.]

You? With that face? Hell no. You'd have guys tripping over themselves for you.

...I get wondering, though. And wanting to know. [He won't get to grow old with Avdol, after all. So he does get that.] You know what's stupid? There was an enemy user who had the ability to make people older. Too bad he couldn't be less of a jackass and maybe show you, huh?

But honestly. ...No one could blame you for wanting to know. I'm sorry it didn't work out like you wanted.

Aw, that's okay. It's like you told me that one time, I guess I really am the cute face nobody can refuse!

[She laughs softly.]

That's a pretty weird Stand. I guess he probably used it in a bad way, huh — making everybody too old to fight, or something like that?

My friend Yukako-chan told me there was a Stand user in our town who could change your looks, and help you find love. She got her face changed around and everything, trying to get the guy she liked to notice her. Kinda makes you wonder where Lumi gets his stuff from, huh?

...I try hard not to think of it as something I missed out on. That future I would've had. But sometimes I can't help it. You know, things like...I guess my high school boyfriend married somebody else. I guess whatever job I would've had was filled by someone different. Like there were holes where I would've fit, and they closed up without me.

Damn right.

[He huffs softly.]

Basically. If your body ran hot, the older you'd become. So I was kind of fucked on that front. Bucciarati and the others had to use ice to make themselves able to fight the guy.

Hey. [His voice is a bit softer.] ...It sucks, it really does. Knowing the world doesn't stop turning no matter what happens. I die, and Giorno fucking Giovanna becomes Don of the mafia. How messed up is that? [He does mean that a bit jovially, but his tone becomes serious again:] Sometimes it doesn't matter how adjusted you are to how your situation is. You'll wonder. ...That's natural.

Sometimes I wonder what I would've been like if I didn't fuck up. Maybe I'd still be with Florentino. Maybe not. It's hard to know, but we can't help but wonder for all that we're stuck in the past. Your life was stolen, Reimi. You'll wonder sometimes what would've been if it hadn't been.

You should... I mean, if you wanted. Maybe you can ask Rohan to draw you. Except a little older. Ask him to use his imagination. [he fucking hates Rohan but he knows very well how precious he is to Reimi so]

"If your body ran hot", huh. So what are you saying, that you're hot stuff?

[She laughs again, but it tapers off after a minute.]

You know what...you know what scares me sometimes, when I think about what it might've been? The thought that I wouldn't have been anything at all. When you play what-if like that, you always think of something big and grand, right? Maybe I would've been famous. Maybe I would've been a doctor and developed a cure for something or other. Maybe I would've been an astronaut.

...But sooner or later, I always think, but maybe I would've just been...nobody. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten into university or maybe I would've married some real deadbeat or maybe if I hadn't died the way I did I still would've been hit by a bus on my way home from the party I was going to go to the very next week.

I'm not saying it to try to...you know, be talked out of it or anything. But you get what I mean by that feeling, right? Like...even just setting aside what that monster did and took from me and all that. Part of not knowing either way...means never knowing whether I even would've mattered or not. You know?

Damn right.

[But it's harder to joke with the topic as it is.]

Yeah, and maybe Florentino would've realized he could've done better. Maybe I'd be as awful as any other fucking cop on the force. The best of our what-ifs, and the worst. We could've been everything or nothing. It's hard not to wonder either way.

So I get it. I do. [It's shit he thinks about more than he cares to admit.]

Hey.

[...]

Just for the heck of it. Don't think, just answer. What does your gut say, do you think I would've mattered?

[Without hesitation:] Yes.

I could tell you all the reasons why, but just know how I feel about it. You would've mattered.

That's what matters most, I think. I trust your instinct.

[She smiles a little.]

Kind of a shame that Moody Blues can't fast-forward, though, huh?

Yeah, but on the other hand I get to replay how cute you are playing with chickens.

I was really good with them, wasn't I? I guess I'm just a natural!

Which one did you let me hold, I don't remember her name...

Prince. She's my favorite, but don't tell the other girls that. Honestly, I can't help but be biased; one of the times I was upset, Mohammed put her into my hands and taught me how to pet her.

Aww, that's so cute! She's special to you, then, huh...

Or did you give her to me because you were upset then, too...?

She's pretty special to me. But I was also kinda, um. Upset in my way. Mostly I was worried about you. [and massively angry with Rohan, but she doesn't need to deal with that]

...I remember you telling me to cover my ears.

[You can just hear the wry smile.]

I didn't put two and two together about that one until after I'd changed back, but.

...I was having it out with your boyfriend.

I was pretty mad that he left you alone and he was being a fucking bastard about it.

He's not my boyfriend.

[Which is such a kneejerk thing to say that it doesn't hit her until afterward that they have not once ever actually discussed what They Are To Each Other, and isn't that kind of...stupid.]

...Was it just his usual being difficult, or was he moreso than usual?

Defensive much? He said he loved you and was being a fucking prick about it. I told him he fucked up, he got defensive and said that he already knew, so I assume someone else chewed him out. He didn't make any real effort to convince me that he was safe with you, so I told him I was taking you.

That's when he got pissy and said he could make me stay out of his house. I know he cares about you, but I wasn't convinced he could actually take care of a kid. Probably didn't help that I was Sanguis at the time, but I don't regret the call I made.

Oh, Rohan...

[She would put her head in her hands physically if she weren't busy holding the phone with at least one of them.]

You know what he meant, right? About making you stay out? What he was going to do, I mean.

His Stand. He doesn't know that I know.

He shouldn't have threatened you.

It's my fault, anyway. I'm the one who caused all the trouble, you guys didn't ask to get roped into all that.

No, he shouldn't have. Shouldn't have done a lot of things. I'm willing to have an adult fucking conversation if he is, but I doubt that's gonna happen.

Look, none of us blame you. And we're both protective of you. Of course we'd get involved, one way or another.

Yeah...it just turns out having people fight over you looks a lot more glamorous in the movies than it does in real life, huh.

[She laughs a little, faintly.]

It's funny, though, right? You weren't even a ram this Sanguis and you were still butting heads with people.

[...She tried.]

Movies are talented that way.

[He snorts.]

Well, that's just how I am, I guess.

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text, un: bellabelle

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