prismatica | text, un: bellabelle

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text, un: bellabelle

Hey, maybe this is going to sound like kind of a silly question, but — does anybody have any advice for staying focused while studying for exams? I really don't remember it being this hard! I mean...sure, it's been a really long time since I've had to study like this, but it shouldn't be that tough to pick up again, right?

Though I guess I ought to know better than to try to study during Cordis, but...

Well, my plans to study during Sanguis kind of got...interrupted! So now here I am, going over everything, and I keep getting sidetracked by one thing or another. Half the time I want to get up and eat, and then other times I want to lie down and take a nap...ugh!

But I really need to stop letting so much time go to waste. I made a promise to myself that I was going to do this! And I've worked this hard already for months and months, I can't trip at the finish line now!

Jeez, maybe I ought to borrow some catnip from the cafe and sprinkle it on my books, I bet I'd pay attention to them then.

(This is actually my first time being a cat for Cordis — I guess you could say it's pretty im-purr-essive that it hasn't happened before now! Especially what with owning a cat cafe and all. I just wish it weren't so distracting!)

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Hmmm. Anything I want?

Yes. You pick.

What does your heart desire, Reimi-chan?

Pizza and a night in with you, please.

That's easy.

And can be arranged. I'll even get delivery.

[ So no one has to leave. ]

We'll call it a study break.

[ He wants her to finish by her deadline she set for herself, though, because it's important for her, and -- feeling accomplished and successful is great. ]

And...maybe we can talk?

Or we can talk like this, if it's easier. I don't mind either way.

We can talk. I prefer face-to-face.

I'll be in when the pizza gets here, if that's alright.

Sure. Maybe I can get focused and push through a chapter or two while we wait for it to arrive.

[ When it arrives - Rohan places the pizza in the kitchen, as well as getting down a couple of plates so they can eat together. When that's set down and sorted, he goes to knock on her door, just to let her know that everything's ready, and steps away. He doesn't linger because he's going to scoop up the cat and put him in Rohan's room and close the door.

He hopes that she has gotten through a little more work. He can anticipate at least what some of the conversation is about, since he's been irritable and on edge the past few days. ]

[She hears his footsteps coming her way shortly after the front door closes, and that's her cue to wrap up her studies and set the books aside — so she's already waiting, study-free, when he comes to retrieve her.]

Oh, is it here? Great!

[She hops up, trotting after him, and follows him into the kitchen with her tufted cat ears perked and her tail swishing lightly from side to side.]

[ He glances towards her as he approaches the kitchen and starts to pop open both of the boxes. One is a half-cheese, half-pepperoni pizza. The other is supreme. He ordered hungry, that was his mistake here. ]

I also got some breadsticks with dip.

[ ...Again, hungry. ]

Did you get chapters in?

[Oh, thank goodness. Pizza. Not good pizza, not the kind that Abbacchio would probably insist on, but regular old greasy garbage bad-for-you pizza. It's perfect.]

Yeah, I did a couple. One and a half, but I got to a good place to stop.

[She sighs.]

It's tough, but I think I'm just out of practice cramming for tests.

[ He shifts, grabbing a greasy slice of supreme pizza because literally everything sounds good right now. He's been hungry, but trying to focus on things that weren't Cordis impulses, so -- he'll take it. This break. His tail is still behind him. He's just watching her for a moment before dropping the piece onto his plate. He shifts, grabs a piece of pepperoni slice, and cheese. One of each - before he moves to take a seat at the small table they've been eating at. ]

You still have a couple of weeks before the end of the month.

[ And, as he lifts up a piece of the pizza. ]

You'll be fine.

I hope so.

[She picks up her slice of pizza, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully on it as much to buy herself some time to think as to actually eat. But then, eventually, she ventures.]

...I'm sorry about all the trouble I caused, Rohan. You know, a couple days ago.

[ He blinks at her, swallowing his bite of pizza before he shrugs. Sure, he had been mad. But none of his anger was directed at her. Not even the smallest bit. But she would notice even the slightest shift. ]

What?

[ He leans into his chair. ]

You don't have to apologize. It's not like I blame you for anything.

You were mad enough to threaten to use Heaven's Door on Niichan. I'm pretty sure that counts as causing trouble. And you did it because of me, so I'm pretty sure that makes it my fault.

[She's still eating, relatively calmly; it doesn't sound like she's about to burst into tears or anything like that, but she's not laughing, either.]

He made you mad, right?

[ He's stopped eating, leaving his pizza sitting on his plate, and watching her. Observing. Trying to pick up any small cues or signs from. He's not surprised that this is happening, not entirely. What does bother him is that she feels like she needs to apologize to him for anything. After all, she wasn't the one who made him mad. And he wouldn't care about hearing it from someone who had. It's not like it was some secret that he didn't get along with most other people. ]

He did, but not because of you, but because of things he said. So you can stop apologizing, I don't blame you and I'm not mad at you. And I'm not going to let the fact that he thinks I'm bad for you impact how I feel about you, either.

[ That good ol' stubbornness. ]

Is that really what he said? That you're bad for me?

[She already knows one side of this story, sort of. Now what she's really after is both interpretations. It's all she can do, being caught in the middle of two people she cares about more than anything this way.]

I'm not going to take sides, or say that either of you was right or wrong. I think you were both just doing what you thought was best, right?

He said, exactly - that I am not good enough for you - and that you only needed me for physical objects.

[ And for all that he seems to care very little what people think of him, it does matter him how they they perceive he treats Reimi. So he definitely got mad, very mad. And he even seems to bristle at the thought. ]

Of course I thought you were better with me, but I'm still not mad at you, nor do I want any apologies. I know better than to believe anything he said to me.

...Yeah. You know that's wrong. And I'm the only one who gets to decide what's good for me.

[But this is one of her oldest apprehensions realized, isn't it? It's why she never tells anyone what she did for Rohan back home, why she's always vague about the details. Because someday, someone would use that against him. Because Rohan is impenetrable in so many ways, but not about her.

She sighs, putting her pizza down, and folds her hands in her lap.]

Did...when you were talking to him. Did you say that you were my boyfriend?

No -- I. I told him I love you.

[ Wait. Wait. Wait --

And with that, he realized he hadn't really talked to anyone other than Setsura - and Reimi, of course - about his feelings for her.

It hadn't even really occurred to him that this was a conversation to be had, if he were honest. Dating, relationships, things like that - it weren't things he just did. He felt like his confession to her, almost two months ago now - had simply opened the door. It created some understanding.

And it pulled Reimi from being in the dark of where she stood with him. ]

I mean - we never talked about that.

[ That's something you're supposed to do, right? ]

I know we haven't. That's why I was a little surprised, but...

[She shrugs. Isn't this just utterly backwards? They've both confessed, they live together, they kiss. And yet they're both holding back from putting a label on any of this, because they've never actually sat down to talk about it.]

I just — I wasn't sure if maybe it slipped out when you were talking to him, or if it was something he came up with on his own. You know, his interpretation.

It must be what he interpreted.

[ He realizes, sometime as he's talking to her, that it wouldn't really be any different. At least not as far as he knows? It's not as though he's actually had anything like this before. So, he asks. While he still sounds sure of himself. Typical to himself, thinking he can't make any mistakes... there's not the same confidence she'd recognize from the night he told her he loved her. He had...weeks to think about that.

But -- this, this was only seconds, maybe a minute or two. ]

Is that what you want? I mean -

For me to be?

I...

[She ducks her head, staring down at her hands. How is she supposed to find the right words for how she feels? It shouldn't be that hard, but if she makes even one misstep, it'll be a catastrophe.

Her fingers curl around the hem of her shirt, twisting and untwisting the fabric as she quietly fusses.]

Not like this. Not because someone else said so, and not...

[She chews her lip.]

That's not how it's supposed to work, you know? It's not supposed to be, "if you want this, then I'll give it to you". If you're asking, then it should be because you want it...you know?

Maybe that...doesn't make a lot of sense. But — I don't think the question is, do I want a boyfriend. I think the more important one is, do you want a girlfriend.

[ He looks like he's actually thinking, processing the information. And it's true, it should only be something he says or asks for because he wants it, not because he thinks someone might want it of him. And, he'd never really thought about it, if he were honest. He was...happy with things.

He was happy being in her bubble, and content sharing his with her. He liked holding her hand, kissing her. He slept better knowing she was in the next room over, and safe. But more so when he could sleep next to her.

But he doesn't know if any of that means anything. He doesn't really know what it means. But - somewhere in his thoughts he realizes -

He doesn't think it'd be any different.

What else is there to add to the two of them, after all? ]

Only if it were you.

[ It seems like he was quiet for awhile, as if he were trying to find a good way to answer it. He wouldn't like any of those things with someone else. Not in the same way, at least. Not in the way where there's feelings attached to every little thing he does. It isn't simply that he tolerates time with Reimi, he actually enjoys it. ]

Only me...?

[It's not that it's surprising. It's just something that bears repeating, like she needs to test the words on her tongue to appreciate the depth of them. That's just how Rohan is, though, isn't it? He's always said as much, that no one has ever really caught his eye or his interest, no matter how they might have vied for his attention.

Except her. She's different, she's special. Rohan doesn't want a girlfriend unless it's her.

And she believes him. Of course she does, because she knows full well it isn't just empty flattery or idle words. Certainly Rohan could have anyone he wanted if he really set his mind to it, but he doesn't. He doesn't want just anyone, he wants her.

She breathes in slowly.]

It's a lot of work, you know. Being a boyfriend. You might — have to take classes, or something.

[It's a shy little joke, but the attempt at levity is a good sign.]

And a lot of practice. Do you think you're up to it...?

text, un: bellabelle

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