video, un: nick74

[uncleasshole]

[The camera clicks on rather violently with a hushed "Shit!" as it nearly falls to the ground. The camera stabilizes after a few seconds as Nick props it up on a counter, brows furrowed in concentration until the angle hits just right. He's in his kitchen, and sitting on the counter is a collection of bowls and frying pans.]

Okay. Got to talking to someone about recipes from home. Figure I might as well do this, considering the assholes that live here already consider me an affront to God or whatever. I'm gonna show you guys how to make the worst thing to ever come out of New York state: a garbage plate. You ever wonder what would happen if you put all your barbecue cookout leftovers on the same plate and smothered it in chili meat sauce, ketchup, and mustard? Cause that's what it is. Great if you're drunk.

[You might think this is a joke, but the expression on Nick's face is dead serious. Watch in horror as he loads up a plate with an abomination - macaroni salad, fried potatoes, and a cheeseburger patty layered underneath what looks like chili and onions. He talks as he works - to his credit, everything he's using looks homemade.]

None of that fancy shit on top, either, 'cause if you're going to eat a garbage plate, there's no point trying to pretend you have dignity. If you don't use regular, shitty yellow mustard, you missed the point. You can throw some hot sauce on there too if you want - Frank's RedHot is the best, but they don't have that here, so just... make do. Trick to the chili is to grind it up and add cinnamon.

[He holds up the finished product.]

Only rules to eating a garbage plate are to make it as nasty as possible and don't eat the whole thing in one go, 'cause it'll literally kill you. Cut it up, mix it together, grab some bread to soak up the grease, and you're all set.

[Someone stop this menace - no, too late. He takes a bite, savoring it for just a moment before muttering "Hell yeah" under his breath. He has the audacity to look pleased with himself.]

God, I haven't had one of these in years. Oh - name's Nick, by the way. You're welcome. Eat responsibly. I don't take criticism.

Comments

audio

[axemeaquestion]

[there's

a lot of radio silence]

Wow.

I thought Coach and Ellis were bad.

audio

[uncleasshole]

[Nick snorts derisively. He's still eating that damn thing if the sound of a fork scraping against a paper plate is any indication.]

Least it isn't boiled peanuts.

[axemeaquestion]

[absolutely disgusting]

It's not, but I can still make sense of peanuts. You're just straight-up throwing it out.

[Sense, she means.]

( video, un: lavieenrose )

[affectueux]

[ no… god… what is this. serge had been living in the slums before coming here and he still isn’t sure he could ever resort to this monstrosity. ]

Is it really called a garbage plate?

[ he looks a little green around the gills. ]

video

[uncleasshole]

Yep.

[Nick takes another bite, twirling his for idly between his fingers. That's about the reaction he expected and he's smiling about it.]

Used to be called, uh... 'Hots and Potatoes', I think. Eventually, they gave up on basic human decency.

[affectueux]

[ serge needs him to stop eating it. ]

Ahaha… ah… [ he feels faint. ] I suppose my next question is: why?

video: un: nyerd

[pidgeypidge]

That looks... amazing! Can you substitute other types of leftovers as well?

[Holy crow, she needs Hunk to witness this immediately.]

video

[uncleasshole]

[And our first taker! Nick shrugs, crossing his ankles as he leans back against a counter.]

Sure. Shit, I've seen it made with baked beans on the bottom. Cut up some hot dogs and flatten 'em out on top, too. Basically anything you'd cook up on a grill or something.

[pidgeypidge]

Good to know. I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I'm feeling adventurous.

[She's absolutely going to rope Hunk into trying it, too.]

What about that meat in a can?

text | j.valentine

[torsion]

Be still, my beating heart.

[uncleasshole]

east coast, too? or just a lover of god's mistakes?

[torsion]

Midwest for a while, but settled in Canada.

So, mostly the second one.

I like foods that sort of go by the same rules. Like loco moco.

audio, u/n: odeorain

[biotictouch]

Why am I not the least bit surprised this is a distinctly American thing?

[uncleasshole]

Because only Americans would think to put burgers on top of mac salad. And then serve it in a restaurant.

video | un: demonchef

[satanslash]

[Contrary to his current icons, Rin actually has white hair currently.

He's staring in some sort of mix of abject horror and reverent awe, and even whispers as if doing anything more would somehow break the spell.]

So the rumors about Americans are true...

[uncleasshole]

Which ones?

[Nick pauses, then raises a hand.]

Actually, don't answer that. Probably all of them are true, yeah. We're a beautiful disaster of a country.

[satanslash]

[Rin snorts, almost barking out a surprised laugh.]

'least you got a good sense of humor about it. Seriously, though, don't tell me that's all you eat...

text; un: no

[terribletwos]

what's the point of making something to eat that would kill you/

not to mention, that looks seriously gross.

[uncleasshole]

thats called 'exaggeration', dude. it won't actually kill you. unless you eat like three of them in a row.

hence the name. probably.

[terribletwos]

how can you even eat one of those/

video | r.chambers

[herbmixing]

[ First she met this guy, drunk and cut up, beating up garbage cans in an alley. Now, she sees...this.

Nick is so good at making a good impression. ]

I can feel my arteries clogging just looking at that.

[uncleasshole]

[Would you believe he's a hit with the ladies?]

American cuisine in a nutshell, right, cupcake?

[herbmixing]

[ No. She really wouldn't. ]

Don't call me that. [ Briefly, she's annoyed. ] ...not that you're wrong. Do you really enjoy eating that, though?

text; un: magicowl

[getting_better]

That, sir, is amazing. I salute you. Any New Yorker would be green with envy, myself included. I haven't made a garbage plate in years.

[uncleasshole]

shit yeah. honestly this is pretty much the only thing i miss about nyc, myself.

take this knowledge and use it wisely.