prismatica | video; un: ningen

[A red-clad man appears in the video, clearing his throat. He looks... well, he's smiling? It's a really kind of trumped-up fake smile, but it's there.]

Greetings, fellow Moonblessed! Dazai here. It's been brought to my attention that I don't have any friends! While I don't think this is a problem, because I am a self-sufficient man who has no time for things like entertaining others or not being destroyed by my own self doubt, I'm sure other people would be very sad if I remained absolutely, positively bored out of my mind because I have no one to talk to or drink with.

[Ahem.]

Not that that bothers me, like I said! It's fine! But if anyone were to, say, be interested in literature, or fashion, or fine decor... Or stiff drinks... If you're a writer or an aspiring one... If you're really in the mood to let an upstanding and not-at-all-lonely person sleep on your couch... Well, I'm definitely a match! Why, if you're a writer, we could start a salon of sorts... think about that!

I must go back to very important writing, because I'm an author, and that's what we do, you know, we don't just wait around for inspiration while we're wallowing. But I'll check back here now and then.

Ah, I'm also accepting fans, too. You can find some of my work linked below! Thank you. This has been Dazai Osamu.

[He bows. And end. And sure enough, there's some literature linked! It's short stories he hammered out, and they're a bit self-indulgent and autobiographical and maybe a little depressing, but they're expertly written, at least.

But for the love of god help this man.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[His favorite thing about this is how it unintentionally trashes the reputation of their world's Dazai.]

Well, you don't have to worry about not having friends, because we can be friends! Even if I turned out to be kind of a home wrecker.

But that's probably a novel reversal for you, huh?

[Since he is making the assumption that this Dazai is as much of a schmooze to the ladies as theirs.]

[Isn't it delightful?

He frowns for a flash, then laughs. It's kind of... sarcastic.]

We can be friends...? I keep invading your privacy! Are you quite sure you don't absolutely loathe me? I'd be fine with it, either way. Don't let me make decisions for you.

[HEY. HE'S NOT. THAT BAD.

(YET.)]

Hmm, I wouldn't say you've invaded my privacy even once?

[What are boundaries when you're a Ranpo tbh. Case in point--]

But I already made my decision, so that makes us friends now! Besides-- you haven't threatened to kill me yet, so that already puts you a few steps ahead of some of the other people I've befriended over the years.

[He likes using this example too much.]

[A Dazai's concept of boundaries is always interesting. And ever-changing. Like by the minute, sometimes. Case in point: right now.]

Well, if you say so. I guess I could accept you as a friend... And I won't try to kill you or anything, I'm not actually into that. The book's just part of the job.

[Deep breath. Deep.]

Do you think Nakajima-san hates me?

[D a z a i. Is a fucking idiot.]

I can guarantee 100% that Atsushi doesn't hate you. And for that matter-- I don't think even think he's capable of it.

[He recalls just how difficult it was for Atsushi just to convey that he wasn't fond of the other Ranpo?? And that guy sounded like a creep??]

And you can trust my word on it! I'm not a master detective for nothing, after all-- if I say it's true, then you rest easy knowing it is!

I guess... I can't really question the deductive reasoning of a master detective. I couldn't be taken seriously as a professional if I didn't listen to that.

[Logic. But he looks a little miserable, more realistically than the put-upon show up above. More like he's been doused in lukewarm water on a breezy day.]

...I don't know what to do. Maybe he was sad when I just didn't come home one day... I didn't do it on purpose.

Ah, glad to hear it, then!

[There is like a hidden tug-of-war of egos going on here. Surprised there's enough space on the network for both of them.]

But you know, no one disappears from this place on purpose. If anything-- I'd say you're lucky that you remembered being here before, so you didn't need to adjust to the shock of how this place works twice!

[No one likes getting The Chroma Talk™ tbh.]

As long as you listen to my professional opinions!

[SIR.]

I wouldn't want to go through getting used to all of it again. I'm having a hard enough time as it is... Ahh, not really! Haha! I'm fine. I'll have plenty of chroma any day now.

...you're a surprisingly bad liar.

[Ranpo you can't just call a guy out like that.]

But hey, if you ever need someone to moonlace with-- well, that's what friends are for! You know, you can earn a pretty good amount just sitting together and watching a movie!

[He's reading Dazai as the bundle-of-nerves but also too-proud-for-charity type-- so he makes sure his offer comes off as platonic as possible.]

[He's... about right. Dazai's pride is lofty and loud, but his problems keep him dragged down to the ground.]

I'll... Yeah! I'll do that when I'm, you know, not busy. I might make some new friends and then I won't...

[Sigh.]

Have to burden you guys anymore.

When did I ever say you were a burden?

[Why do none of his friends have self-esteem?? Did he take all of it?? ...probably.]

If I didn't want to talk to you, I wouldn't. It'd be a waste of time for both of us! But you sound like a funny guy, so I wanna get to know you better!

You don't have to say it for it to be true!

[Deflating...]

All right. If you really insist, I'll do my best. It's not like I have anything to do in this place, anyway. It's boring...

So is poor self-esteem like, a writer-thing?

[Between Atsushi, Dazai, and Poe, they all have maybe like half of a self-esteem.]

But you think this place is boring? What kind of things do you do for fun, then?

Yeah, it's a popular state of being. Not like we picked it, but we suck at helping ourselves.

[The cold hard facts.]

What do I do for fun? [........he shit talks other authors and acts superior and this is "fun" why do you think he's a miserable lump.] I go drinking with friends, we talk about literature... I like women?

Well, it's a good thing you have me here, then!

[He can share his self-esteem??]

Hmm... drinking is pretty fun? But I have a feeling you're the sad drunk type, so we'd probably need a babysitter for that.

Sad drunk? Me? Ha! Ha ha! [HA! He's totally right.] So what else do I do? Maybe... ah, I know! Let's go do something they didn't have when I was alive! Something cool and modern!

Cool and modern, huh... hey, I know! How about laser tag?

[Cool? Debatable. Modern? ...also debatable.]

Laser tag...? I've never even heard of it, but I'll try it!

[Look at him being brave and branching out!]

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