prismatica | fifth ☕✨ tinder / moonlacing mingle!

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, 26 (Iris)

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<tr><td><div align="left"><b><big>FIRST LAST, AGE (Sanguis/Cordis/Iris)</big></b></div></td></tr>

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YES

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Is....is this person serious.

Sougo is not sure whether Lucio is that innocent, that dumb, both, or just trying to fuck with him in return.

Oh well. Let's feign ignorance and see how Lucio reacts.]

No, you're wrong. Hint: it's a dirty word.

If you get it right, I'll let you do whatever you want to me!

It must be flay.
Though I hope you do not mean that.
Even for the pursuit of pleasure, it seems quite drastic.

[ His knowledge of kinks has just gotten one very questionable level up. ]

[So this person...doesn't know what the word "fuck" means but is aware of sadistic acts? That's...interesting.]

No, but this guess is closer.

I would love to be flayed though. I'm the biggest M.

[ If not for the image, he'd wonder if he were talking to another of Belial's accounts. ]

I am afraid I must pass.
Though I am not opposed to giving mayonnaise,
I am opposed to hurting others needlessly.

Now, where can I deliver your favored condiment?

[LUCIO WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Somehow, this guy singlehandedly caused Sougo's plan to backfire without even being aware of anything. Time to regroup.]

It wouldn't be hurting me...you'll be helping me...But really, would you really give me mayonnaise? What do you want in return? I can give you anything, but please go easy on me and take responsibility. This would be my first time. I've never been laid, ever. :(

By the way, you still haven't guess what the correct word is...

[ He's trying to help with the man's hunger crisis... or so he thinks. ]

I do not need anything in return.
I only wish to see you fed and nourished.
Though I may have misinterpreted your intentions.

Were you seeking an evening time escapade?
I believe the truth of that four-letter word has made itself known.

[Oh, so now Lucio knows what it means?]

No, I insist that I could give you something in return. I also would love to do it, but I can settle for the mayo. I could meet you somewhere but...I think I'm too shy. :( Just seeing mayo will give me a boner.

[ He really wishes he didn't, but he's been around mortals too long... ]

Have no fear. I shall leave it by your door.
We need not make contact until you are more presentable.

Please do try and ingest some of it.

[Well, at least he's gullible enough to fall for Sougo's fake Hijikata act.]

Of course. I'm really grateful for this, you don't even know. And if you need anything...just text me, okay? ;)

[What's with this sudden change in character...Anyways, after his text message, Sougo forwards Lucio his own address. He won't be there to answer the door if Lucio knocks, but he'll the mayonnaise for his own dastardly plans.]

Shall I pick up anything else for you while I am out for your mayonnaise?
It may be that you would need other foods to dress with your chosen condiment.

[ Or does he plan to eat it straight from the bottle? Maybe that's more common than he realizes. What does he know about mortal eating habits? ]

[Sad as it is...the real Hijikata really would drink it straight from the bottle. Sougo briefly toys with the idea of making Lucio buy him a lot of stuff, but he doesn't know how rich or dependable Lucio is. He'll test out the waters and see.]

I'm okay, but...can you get me some laxatives to go with them? I love mayonnaise so, so much, but it gets me constipated. :(

Very well. Laxatives and mayonnaise. You will receive them promptly and be given much rectal relief.
Please keep an eye out for my delivery.

[ And later that day, Sougo may find a nicely decorated basket outside his door filled with gourmet mayonnaise and a canister of soothing laxative tea, the latter prepared by yours truly. ]

[Rectal relief...well, that's one way to put it.]

Thank you so much...can I text you if I need anything else?

[Always the opportunist. Sougo will store the mayonnaise for a later date. He was expecting more of a liquid laxative, but he'll figure out what to do with the tea. As long as Hijikata is here, the opportunities for pranking him exist. Thank you for enabling Sougo, Lucio.]

If you so desire it, though I cannot promise you I will always be able to fulfill your requests.

[ As charitable as he is, he is not about the sexual intimacy with mayonnaise life. ]

That's okay. I'm comforted just to have someone to deliver me laxatives. :)

[Barely anyone is. Luckily, Sougo won't seriously be asking Lucio this. ~~The actual Hijikata may be a different story.~~]

fifth ☕✨ tinder / moonlacing mingle!

un: mayofucker

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