prismatica | VIDEO; un: robotman

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VIDEO; un: robotman

There's some-- some easy solution to all of this, right? Surviving the cycle with your sanity intact? Something I'm overlooking? Am I too distracted?

[Dressed in a black tank top, Robotnik looks... well, stressed out, mostly. And weirdly translucent. And sweaty. Definitely moonblessing issues. His hair's a mess, his mustache isn't faring much better, and he's pacing back and forth judging by the movement of the screen. Of course, the obvious solution is staring him right in the face, but he's ignoring that right now.

He's not even sure why he's bothering with the network. He was intending to suffer in silence, get this over with, get back to what passes for normal around here. But he wants to talk to people. Since fucking when? People are the last thing he needs, ever, but especially now.

Iris, he's concluded over and over again, is indeed the worst.]

Barring the obvious, I mean. It's-- It's incredible. I thought-- I thought I could take it, thought I could handle it. Nothing stumps me like this. [He runs a hand through his hair.] Everything has been... inconclusive. Ridiculous! Inconclusive! Think about it! I can't figure it out! Me!

[He's babbling. But in his defense he's running through his first Iris cycle on the heels of having a serious fucking case of alien-mind-share-device-induced brain junk data. Shit's fucked.]

How the hell do you live like this?

[Yes, he's absolutely making way too big of a deal out of this but he doesn't care.

He'll care later, probably. He'll definitely care later. But not now.]

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[He watches him draw with an eyebrow raised, curious to know just how they've slandered him wherever this guy comes from. And then he shows off the picture... and at first all Robotnik can do is stare.]

What. The fuck.

[Well, that's definitely the blue rat, alright, but the other one's supposed to be him??? SINCE WHEN?

Okay, maybe his mustache does do that when he doesn't take care of it properly but the rest??? What the fuck? What the fuck????]

Oh, someone really has it out for me. I don't look anything like that!!!

Well, yeah, I see that now.

_{[ He sets his artwork aside. Maybe he's a little proud of it and doesn't have the heart to throw it away. ]}

You gonna do something about this? Make everyone think you're cool and not a baldy, round loser?

_{[ Make Robotnik Great Again™ ]}

[He's gonna do something about it, alright.]

Oh, they'll wish they'd never thought to insult me, I can tell you that.

[...As soon as he gets out of here, anyway. Right now, he doesn't particularly feel like doing anything about it, what with other things on his mind. Good distraction, though.]

I just can't fucking believe...

[Grumble grumble grumble.]

That's the spirit.

You can start by mass producing Janet Jackson sexbots.

_{[ wHY IS HE BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN. ]}

Anyway. Like I said, think more about making your Iris-relief toy something more human-like. You might be pleasantly surprised.

_{[ You're apparently a bad guy, but Gintoki is a person that helps everyone. It's just his Thing. And he can obviously see Robotnik needs help. ]}

Maybe it'd encourage you to give humans a chance one day.

There will be absolutely zero Janet Jackson sexbots, I can assure you of that.

[Nope, he ain't doing it, and every time he hears about it, he'll be doing even less, so there. Have fun with negative Janet Jackson sexbots.]

But... I don't know. I'll see. I'm going to make sure to work on the functionality before I even bother with aesthetics. It doesn't matter what it looks like if it can't fuck me like I need it to.

[He thinks about what he said for a moment, then groans. He needs this shit to be over with, that's what he needs. He doesn't even say anything snarky about "giving humans a chance."]

...Ugh.

You'll figure it out.

_{[ Gintoki gives a thumbs up. ]}

After all, you're good at this.
At least, sounds like in your universe you might be.

_{[ I mean, maybe. It sounded like Sonic bamboozled him here somehow, but Gintoki has some respect for the man. After all, the franchise is a huge hit in his world. ]}

I'm good at anything I decide to be good at, universe or no.

[Which... means he's really committing to this project, apparently.

This is his life now.

At least until everything goes back to normal and he can regret his decisions again.]

It'll be easy.

Can't wait to buy Robonik's Brand: Sexbots.

Happy to help during these trying Iris times for you.
If robot-dick doesn't work, you might just have to bite the bullet and deal with humans.

_{[ He's really encouraging this cause it's so obvious this guy has some serious hang ups that he needs to get over. ]}

Sorry about that.

They'll need a better name than that. Sex...niks. Fuckniks. No. Nooooo.

[He groans dramatically.]

Gah, you can't translate badnik into something workable. I'll think of something! When I can think more clearly.

[While he's lamenting his lack of creative naming ideas, he narrows his eyes.]

Last resort. Last fucking resort.

Now is the perfect opportunity to use Robotnik’s Robuttniks, but that’s just me.

_{[ Man, he’s really stubborn when it comes to this. ]}

Oi, do I need to ask what horrible human did something horrible to you to make you feel that way?

_{[ Is there trauma or is this guy just really cranky? A mystery. ]}

Being a therapist is in my job description. You kind of need it.

I am not calling them Robuttniks. I'm not calling anything Robuttniks.

[He's stubborn too, dammit.

He glares down at the camera, though.]

I don't need a therapist and I don't know why you think it's any of your business.

[Nobody needs to be subjected to his giant collection of Issues.]

Humans are stupid and I have no need for them. That's it.

[That's not it.]

But you’re a human.. aren’t you?
_{[ OR IS HE.. ]}

If you are, wouldn’t that make you stupid?

Anyway, I couldn’t agree with you more on that statement, but that doesn’t mean I have no need for them.

_{[ A stark difference. Gintoki wouldn’t be where he is today without the people who worked their way into his life. ]}

I'm beyond that, [he says, like it means anything.] I've put such things so far behind me, they mean nothing.

[He's... not being particularly intimidating with how sweaty he is. Unfortunately, no matter how much he yells about this or that... the pesky heat won't go away.]

I only need machines. People only cause problems.

_{[ His eyebrows raise but his eyes remain dead and uninterested looking. Quickly, he pulls out a pair of glasses, a notepad and a pen, responding flatly: ]}

Oh, I see.. you're not human. You're something beyond that. A narcissist.

_{[ He's writing... something. ]}

How does that make you feel, Robotnik-san?

Amazing. Of course that's what you'd come up with. Of course.

[He's nowhere near the level of plastering his face on everything, at least. He rolls his eyes at the notebook.]

Oh, don't try to fucking psychoanalyze me. It's not a good time.

[Not that he'd be forthcoming to begin with, but still.]

Nice try, though.

_{[ He's doing it mainly for gags. That's the kind of anime he's from, after all. He does continue to write, however. ]}

Mostly I'm just wondering what kind of psyche possessed you to have such a ridiculous mustache.
But I guess the whole "I don't need humans" sort of made me curious as well.

If you think this is ridiculous, you've never seen a ridiculous mustache.

[Unfortunately, he's the kinda guy who doesn't know he's from a comedy.]

How is it that difficult to get? It's perfectly logical. Machines do their jobs, no questions, no complaints. Humans don't.

_{[ He thinks about that for a moment, reflecting on some robots he knows of back home. He's describing someone more like Tama, or maybe those dentist girls that used their drills to drill in his mouth when he had cavities. He's definitely not describing one of his enemies that, although was a robot, had a will and agenda of his own. That will and agenda of his own even changed and he's considered one of Gintoki's friends now. ]}

A really good robot will have human flaws if they are built well enough. Though, I suppose it depends on what the creator programs them to do. If they're built by a human, they're bound to have imperfections since people aren't perfect.

_{[ That's his conclusion. ]}

Though, I guess that isn't what and who you are.
There's something that humans have that robots don't have, though, no matter who creates them.

_{[ Cue the sappy protagonist line: ]}

It's a soul. You may not care for it, but the souls of people are more valuable than anything else. They bring people together, shape and build each other. I can deal with human's idiocy in exchange for their unity.

_{[ Doesn't hearing stuff like this make you sick? ]}

Maybe you just haven't met the right soul yet.

_{[ BARF. ]}

[Robotnik's expression progresses from mildly annoyed to particularly disgusted throughout the lecture.

Yeah, hearing stuff like that absolutely makes him sick. Which... considering how sweaty he is from other reasons, makes him look sick as well.

At least he's thinking about the horny less.]

Are you through? [he asks when it seems like he's done.]

I don't care about meeting souls, okay? Or "unity," or whatever the hell else. So save the damn lecture. My machines are perfect, and I intend to continue that here.

[Deep, deep breath. He's also mostly babbling, but still.]

Got it?

Aaa. Hm. _Bingo.

_{[ It's uncertain if that's a sound of agreement or what, but that's all he says. Oh, that does it for bad guy bingo, it looks like. Gintoki makes a strike through whatever he was writing and closes his notebook. ]}

Best of luck with your robot fucks, Robotnik-sensei.

_{[ He'll end this conversation, but he's gonna be curious to see what solution you come up with, sir. ]}

[Bingo? The fuck?

Forget it, he doesn't want to know.]

Uh-huh. Just don't expect Janet Jackson.

[It's for the better, anyway. Now he's got to make some blueprints and figure out materials. At least he's been inspired.]

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VIDEO; un: robotman

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