003✖; (audio @hot.damn)

[circumitus]

Important question: How do you tell if someone's your friend?

Is it something that people just... know or do they have a conversation about it?

[How does friendship work and more importantly, can you eat it?]

The whole concept of friendship always seemed strange, honestly. People just decide "Hey, this person isn't a complete piece of shit"? Weird. [Well, now she might just be projecting onto herself.

[So, wait. Does this mean that she has friends? Does anyone have friends? How annoying.]

Comments

[circumitus]

[Rey at least has that much going for her -- she still needs copious amounts of alcohol and the magical kind tends to hit her even harder, but she can always drown herself at the bottom of a bottle when things get to be a bit Too Much to deal with. Not the most healthy way of dealing with your problems, but hey. She's hardly the picture perfect symbol of healthy coping mechanisms.

[She snorts.]

Feeling nice is exactly what makes it so difficult to just disregard.

[Especially when you're her and not used to feeling nice in general.]

[fuckinghysterical]

Yeah, ahaha... but still. As questionable as it might be... I don't think we need to deprive ourselves of it either.

[circumitus]

[a long pause]

Why is that? How is it that you feel you're... deserving of that kind of thing when you've taken so much from others?

[It's not something Rey would be comfortable bringing up with most around here, particularly those who've never experienced war. Thus, given what she knows about LB, the question comes out easier. Maybe she's making assumptions about the other woman's past -- but judging from her nervous tics and mannerisms, Rey's pretty sure she isn't off the mark by much. She knows trauma when she sees it.]

[fuckinghysterical]

Ahahaha... I guess I don't know if I actually deserve it, to be honest.

[And it is something that weighs on her mind pretty often, as much as she tries to push it back.]

But it... it helps other people, right? And I guess if nothing else, it's a better way to release some stress than other methods.

[Mainly in killing the shit out of people. She's trying to move away from that!]

[circumitus]

That's...

[Rey pauses, mulling it over. Would be easier if it was over text, but in her pause she considers just how much of herself she had given for others. Not because of some need to become a better person, but to make up for all the things she had taken from them. For how much she had made their lives hell.

[Finally:] That's a... good reason.

[Progress?]

[fuckinghysterical]

Ah, you think so?

[The surprise should be evident from her tone, but she is happy that Rey thought so. If she were perfectly honest, LB wondered if she was being a little selfish in letting herself indulge in some lacing, from time to time, but she at least felt a little validated now.]

But I guess it's something to consider at least, hahaha!

[circumitus]

[It's a similar deal for Rey. She can't help but feel guilty, even if what she is doing is of benefit to others -- to this whole planet even, crazy as that sounds.]

Mn. Hadn't really thought of it like that, is all. But, it makes sense, in a way. Even if it still feels like they picked the wrong person for this kind of shit.

[fuckinghysterical]

I'm not so certain I'm the best choice for it either, eheheh!

[Especially with one particular touch-based power of hers... but at least she learned she could control it. So she wouldn't have to kill people to get Chroma.]

But... I guess I have to deal with the cards given to me. All in all, I don't really mind it too much. I really do hope that it gets easier for you, though.

[circumitus]

Been working on it, anyway. Hard to... connect with anyone, on that level. Or at least go further than -- what'd they used to call it? -- "second base", one time?

[sigh]

Work in progress.

[fuckinghysterical]

I think it's fine if you move at your own pace, eheheh... most people aren't going to fault you for that. And if they do, uh... well, then they're probably not worth it anyway.

[circumitus]

[She snorts a laugh of her own.]

Fair. Haven't run into any assholes who'd take issue with it, at least. Not that there's a long line of interested parties. [On that, she has only herself to blame.]

How, ah... How's it been for you? Sounds like you've taken to, since coming here.

[fuckinghysterical]

I haven't been doing too bad, really. [At least after doing enough experimenting around to figure that she wouldn't kill anyone by accident - that much had to be done on purpose.] Though I've mostly been getting by with platonic moonlacing until, uh. Recently.

[And that much actually wasn't by choice - it was other people being more prudish than her. And she didn't want to push it!]

Eheheh... let's just say that dragon mating season really did a number on a lot of us.