prismatica | Audio: UN; redkey

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Audio: UN; redkey

Hey everyone. This is Kairi.

I just want everyone to know, I checked this morning and I've been looking around to make sure, and it's confirmed at this point... Sora is no longer with us.

I... Light, I really don't have much else to say beyond that. He wasn't at home when we were brought here, and I don't know what's going to happen to him when he's sent back, but... hopefully, some way, somehow, he manages to make it back to the islands.

That's all I've got. If you'll all excuse me, I'm gonna eat all the ice cream we've got in the house.

[And then cry herself to sleep.]

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I don't know that I have a preference. They're both pretty rotten, and if I get too far into either I'm probably gonna lash out at somebody.

[Honestly she wouldn't be surprised if she did just that eventually, the way she's feeling right now. Another good reason not to speak to most people face to face.]

Oh. Yes, yes. Let's go with the lashing out. Of the two things lashing out and getting it out of your system is helpful. Next we test your limits of what your anger could do to help you find on what side of the spectrum you sit in that category. What would you do if you could, if you were so angry? Would you break something? Someone?

[[Text is handy and he only ever uses it, for everyone else's sake and for his own in some ways.]]

Do the laws of time and space count as something to break?

[Because she would absolutely rip them to teeny tiny little pieces to get her boys back.]

Be careful, you're working your way into the bargaining phase. Are you sure you're done with anger? If you are we can navigate into bargaining easily enough.

[[He's almost envious of how someone could care that much to want to rip apart the heavens for someone else.]]

Does that count as bargaining? It sure feels like anger.

[Not that she can actually rage her way through time and space to drag Sora back to her side, obviously.]

We do have people here capable of bending those things to their fingertips. A great many of them not willing to, sadly. I like to read the network, I know quite a few things. I digress, but it is hinging on bargaining. But if only you could bend time and space so that you could gain your way, even with anger.

A cusp, if you will.
If you're not done with anger, we can certainly sit in that a little longer.
What else makes you angry, Kairi? In particular at this moment, with this situation rather than any other, I mean.

[He did have a point, though she was pretty certain those levels of power were tampered with by the world enough that they couldn't actually accomplish what she was looking for, anyway. Regardless...]

What makes me angry? Feeling helpless. Like there's nothing I can do to protect the people I care about. So, you know... basically everything about this scenario right here.

[It's weird. She's getting drawn into the conversation, despite herself. She can't quite say why.]

I am a realist. A very blunt realist and I don't dislike you. I only derail momentarily for the following: Loss is a great and heavy burden. But there is no such thing as protecting people from the inevitable. You do realize that one day you won't be able to protect someone? Not only but it isn't your sole responsibility, something has to fall on the body you want to put yours in the role of protector for, too.

Are you certain, instead, that your want to protect someone isn't as much protecting as it is the need for these "the people" you've described, to close to you instead? I ask specifically because I might imagine I understand what friendship could be.

[[She should be sainted. Even if he's trying to help, Beyond can be a fickle thing.]]

[There's so much text. Would this seem like too much text if she wasn't dealing with so much in terms of emotion right now? She has to read some of the sentences two to three times just to feel like she's understanding what he's asking her. Ironic, considering they were talking about anger and now she's starting to feel exhausted.]

I mean, of course I want to keep them close, and obviously nobody really has the power to overcome what this place does. But back home, when I lost someone, it was usually because I wasn't strong enough to fight whatever or whoever was taking them away from me. That feeling hasn't just gone away.

[She just can't deal with that "what friendship could be" part of his message. Another time, when she had more energy, maybe.]

Ah. Good. I had a stringent worry that you were placing unrealistic goals on yourself. That feeling will never leave, but you are dealing with it in a very mature way. You've told me all about your anger and what have you done to act upon it?

This time? I've made this post, screamed for a while where no one can hear me, and I'll probably go on a long run early tomorrow. In general, I kinda used to have a tendency to throw myself into combat training. To the point where I'd come home barely able to stay awake.

[This was especially bad her first few months at Lunatia, and she hadn't even lost anyone then! At least, she hadn't lost them from this place.]

All of those things are a good start, but have you considered your mind? You'll torture yourself if you can't get a handle on your mind. Upset and hurt can drive one to heinous acts.

Honestly, the best thing I've been doing with my mind is trying to work myself hard enough that my thoughts don't take it over. If you've got better suggestions, I'm all ears.

I don't know what suggestions are better, that's why they're suggestions. Instead of distracting yourself, why not confront it. Sit and think of them constantly until you desensitize. I remember that some of the girls I knew would make things that reminded them of whom they were thinking. Not something I did myself, but in commemoration of friendship.

Make your anger and pain your own rather than letting it own you.

Huh. I actually hadn't considered that. It has been a while since I wrote any poetry.

[Not that she's particularly good at that, but hey, one of her poems opened a door between dimensions once, not everybody can say that.]

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

You're welcome. Did you mean a while wherein you've written some while you're here?

[[He definitely cannot say he's opened any dimensional doors at all, that's one up on him.]]

A bit. Nothing I've put up on the network though. I'm really not even sure where most of it's gone, I usually just scribble things out in a notebook.

[And some of those notebooks might be tossed by now... Ah well, she wasn't really attached to those old poems.]

Well, if you ever do, feel free to share. There's nothing better than a pros prose.

I'll accept that just for the wordplay at the end there. Even if I'm definitely just an amateur.

Ah, I succeeded. I appreciate your cooperation in helping me with my foray into humour. I'll confess readily to you, Kairi, that it isn't my forté. In fact, none of this is, if you can believe. However, I couldn't disregard someone dealing with a great loss.

[[Such a philanthropist and not at all just a creepy j-- yes he's just a creepy jerk.]]

Well, I honestly wasn't looking for professional help over the network anyway. In fact the only reason I even brought this all up was because I knew there were other people out there who he knew, who I didn't want to be wondering where he went.

Funnily enough, though, only one of those people has responded. Everyone else has been asking how I've been doing.

Also good! I'm not a professional, so the help you got was just what you needed. I'm glad.

Hmm...
Have you considered asking them with sincerity about their reading comprehension?

[Okay, that's kinda funny.]

I don't think that would be fair. I didn't specifically say not to try to comfort me in the post, after all.

I'm mostly just surprised because he's a very friendly guy, and I kind of thought I'd get deluged in people talking about how they were gonna miss him.

But you didn't want comfort, really. You seem stronger than comfort. I may not be the aforementioned professional, but I'm adept at people.

Why would you worry about that? Would it be too hard of a reminder?

Uh, I appreciate what I think you're trying to say, but c'mon. Nobody is "stronger than comfort". When awful things happen, people need a hand up and some help. It's got nothing to do with strength. Though I would prefer to get mine from people I know and care for.

Honestly, I kind of thought I'd run out of things to say. Like I'd keep getting more "oh, I'm going to miss him" responses and I'd eventually just start repeating things I'd already said and just feel kinda drained. But apparently I don't have to worry about that.

Audio: UN; redkey

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