001 | ( VIDEO. ) | JULY 30th

[pubertytwice]

_{[ The feed clicks on and shows a kid appearing no older than 13 seated back in a chair, curled knuckles against his face. His eyes look tired and expression rather thin. He's wearing a uniform of some sort, though pieces of it look tattered or stained. One of his legs bounces in his seat (aren't his shorts cute?) but after a moment of mulling over what to say, he leans forward, hands folding together neatly. ]}

I already lack faith in gathering information from anyone here, and yet, here I am with inquiries. Serious responses only.

_{[ What could this boy possibly be asking for?? Where is the best place to get ice cream? Hardly so. ]}

Has anyone has ever even attempted hacking into any confidential files that could be in the government's system that operates here? Alternatively, if anyone has ever attempted to assassinate the Queen?

_{[ Oh.. what.. ]}

If not, is there any place on this goddamn planet that serves coffee? Decent coffee. Every place here is a shit hole.

_{[ That's it. No thanks for your time or anything. ]}

Comments

[bigredcheese]

Holy moley... yeah, you are pretty old if you're telling the truth. I mean, no offense or anything.

[Although the other kid(?) had said 40 years, Billy hadn't been taking him seriously enough to do the math. But 58 seems like a weird number to pull out of nowhere. He probably would have said 25 or 30 if he was claiming he was older.]

So how come you look like this anyways? Were you frozen in time for a couple decades? Transformed by a wizard? Or maybe you're from an alien planet where everyone ages super slowly?

[pubertytwice]

Take a guess. I'll be impressed if you get it right.

[bigredcheese]

I just guessed like three times. But I'm sticking with frozen in time, and if not that, I'd say some combination of superpowers or magic.

[pubertytwice]

Something like that.

_{[ He's got the time part and superpowers part right, at least. ]}

[bigredcheese]

You don't sound that impressed.