Text;

[onerous]

What is it that keeps you living? Why? What makes it worth it to you?

[That’s, uh. That’s it. That’s the message. There’s no follow-up explanation or anything.

She’s just curious and doesn’t seem to see how alarming a question like that out of the blue might be]

Comments

[kesi]

no. though i pray a recent discovery may set me on a successful path.

have you?

[onerous]

I hope it goes well for you. What's the discovery, if I can ask?

Sort of. I was mostly wondering if my reason was good enough, and all of these answers are giving me a lot to think about.

[kesi]

you have my thanks. i've come to realize i have something of a talent for dancing.

must a reason to live reach to a certain standard to be good enough?

[He's asking 100% genuinely.]

[onerous]

For dancing? There are a lot of varieties and styles. It'd be fun to try a bunch and see which ones stick with you.

I'm not sure. But sometimes it feels like if you say one reason, people might judge you for it. If you say you only live for another person, for example, people might start telling you to find reasons to live for yourself. I don't think it's wrong to live for another person's sake, but I suppose everyone's a little different.

I guess culture and how people grew up might have something to do with it too.

[kesi]

such is my hope, odd as it feels to have one.

i see. i have faced such judgment in the past and i've little doubt that i will face it in the future. the only life i know is to live for another yet there are those who would consider that stifling.

perhaps there is some truth to that. to live for another as i have rids one of the burden of thought.

[onerous]

I think most people who haven't done it before just can't comprehend why others would. Someone who's fiercely independent wouldn't know what it's like to have someone else be your reason to live or listen to or anything like that, so they can't see why someone else might be like that.

I do think it's important to probably have more than one person, or a person and something else. Because if something happens to that person, then what do you have to fall back on?

[If she lost Hisoka--truly lost her--what would she have? It's a question she still needs to find the answer to, as mildly painful as it is to have to spread those connections.]

It's not easy.

[kesi]

[Quite the hypothetical he'd been presented with, if something happened to the only one he had. There was a solution in mind for it but it wasn't one he would voice or transcribe, even anonymously. Not to one unfamiliar with his realm's ways.

After a delay:]

change never is. i myself fail to understand how some are able to achieve such a level of independence that they would live for themselves least of all for themselves and anything else

would that i understood such strong souls perhaps my reliance would prove less shameful. youve given me much to think about.

[onerous]

You're welcome. I think. I didn't mean to cause any sort of crisis or anything like that.

[kesi]

you neednt worry if i am to find what i seek i must welcome such thoughts

[Or thoughts in general. He wasn't welcoming them now, but even anon he wouldn't say that.]

i know not what others have responded but i pray you find the answer you seek as well. my apologies for breaching such a subject under the guise of anonymity.

[onerous]

That's alright. I don't mind talking about these sorts of things. I find a lot of people shy away from it as a topic, but it doesn't bother me.

But thank you. I hope I find more too. There's a lot of different answers and a lot I have to think about.