[ TEXT ]

[mutantblood]

UN: carcinoGeneticist

[ It would be no exaggeration to say that this message had been in progress for at least a day. Not for the sake of complexity, but because the author was too frustrated to want to do more than keysmash his handy-dandy new device as well as its screen would allow. It wasn't as if the locals hadn't been as helpful as they could, but a lack of control and a healthy dose of confusion made for an especially cranky troll. And this troll is a cranky little creature by default. ]

I DID NOT CONSENT TO BEING SWEPT THE FUCK AWAY AND DUNKED INTO SOME BULLSHIT PSYCHEDELIC NEON NIGHTMARE.
WHICH LOCAL ASSHAT DO I NEED TO HISS AND SPIT AT TO GET SOME *ACTUAL* GODDAMN ANSWERS AROUND HERE?

AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE OF THAT FROND-FUCKING SPIRITUALITY CRAP.
FEED ME SOME COLD, HARD FACTS.
OR I RIOT. AND THAT'S NOT A THREAT.
IT'S A PROMISE.

Comments

[Text]

[itsknighttime]

[[Holy. Shit.
Karkat is here, but he's concerned he may have some sort of Earth-type disease that made him wait entire minutes let alone a day to actually scream at everyone.

But holy shit.]]

dont you fuckin tease me vantas
we better be rioting
i got eyes on tiki torches at least
do we need a pitchfork? or pitchforks?
should we disperse them so it looks like more pointed objects or are we just goin to fuck with locals?
what kind of riot is this?
peaceful but looks like it isnt or are we going full fledged anarchy?
most importantly will there be lunch served?
wait
scratch pitchforks lets bring 9 inch dildos and shirts that say no homo so we can get the drop on the confused
not with the dildos but with our message

[Text]

[mutantblood]

[ Nooooo. Why this? Why Dave, of all people? Well... It could be worse. He gets along fine with this particular human, but clearly there will be no straight answers here today. ]

THIS IS ALREADY ANARCHY, STRIDER.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?
WHY ARE YOU TAINTING MY POST WITH YOUR INANE WORD VOMIT?
WHY DID YOU NOT ANSWER A SINGLE QUESTION I ASKED?

CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF AND GET OFF OF MY POST.
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE HELPFUL THEN GO BACK TO PROBING YOUR NUG FOR SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE.

THERE ISN'T ANY, BY THE WAY.
YOUR SPONGE IS A LOST CAUSE.
JUST LIKE THIS CONVERSATION.

[Text]

[itsknighttime]

ok cool
im glad youre here though
ttyl bro

[Text]

[mutantblood]

[ Oh. Well. He wasn't expecting Dave to actually leave, but. ]

GOOD.
CONSIDER ME SURPRISED THAT YOUR HEARTUBES ACTUALLY FUNCTION.
OR LOOKSTUBS. I DON'T RIGHTLY GIVE A FUCK.

WHATEVER.
BYE.

[Text]

[itsknighttime]

[[What's "leaving"? Karkat honestly thinks he's getting away? Fuck no. Dave knows he's here now and that's the troll's own demise.]]

speaking of shit functioning
i met a doctor from switzerland and shes basically a canadian healthcare system
we can get that vein looked at in your forehead before we go on to riot
i dont want you fucking off into an early grave because you finally blew it out
im going with the nine inch dildos btw i think those would be more effective i just got to figure out how to explain owning them first

wait i got it figured out
not the ownership but the use of the dildos
no homo
how about we put the dildos on the top of the pitchfork forks and light them on fire instead
fuck that would be cool
im gonna find some crayons and well make some signs too

[Text]

[mutantblood]

[ Shit. ]

NO.
NO SPEAKING OF ANYTHING.
WHAT THE FUCK IS A SWITZERLAND? A CANADIAN?
WAIT. DON'T TELL ME.
I DON'T EVEN CARE.

ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER ME OR JUST RAMBLE ON ABOUT HUMAN DICKS?
I KNOW WHAT A DILDO IS SO DON'T LIE TO ME, DAVE.
WE AREN'T RIOTING YET SO SHUT UP AND AT LEAST *TRY* TO BE HELPFUL.

GIVE ME ANSWERS, YOU INSUFFERABLE BULGELORD.

[Text] // Image link is nsfw

[itsknighttime]

i thought you were here for some cold hard answers
then youre being racist against people who want to just give you free health care and maybe meatballs and possibly maple syrup
karkat are you a racist? man my best bro is a racist this is shitty

ok a dildo is not a human dick so maybe you dont
but if we did riot i made this rq on the image program and a few searches on the net here

[mutantblood]

[ ... ]

FINE. CONSIDER THIS COMPROMISE:
ONE QUESTION.

HOW DO I DELETE THIS GODFORSAKEN PROGRAM?

[itsknighttime]

oh
you cant

you know what else i cant do?
find an alternate timeline
have you seen anyone else around here?

[mutantblood]

OBSERVE THIS FLAWLESS USE OF HUMAN SARCASM:
THAT'S JUST FUCKING PEACHY.

I KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU CAN'T DO STRIDER.
READ.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CLUE WHERE THE HELL I EVEN AM?
ASIDE OBVIOUSLY THE BASIC SHIT LIKE THE NAME.
DUMB SURFACE LEVEL INFORMATION EVEN A WIGGLER COULD COMPREHEND.

I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYBODY FAMILIAR.
SEE? I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION.
BECAUSE I HAVE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONAL ETIQUETTE.
NOW ANSWER MINE. YOU IMPOLITE FUCK.

[itsknighttime]

that was pretty flawless
im actually impressed
good thing you said it was sarcasm though i wouldnt have got that otherwise

wow chill
i can read im reading all the stuff youre saying and answering all the questions i got answers for
not to mention making you a cool riot poster which you didnt say thank you for
i dont know where we are past surface shit i just got here too
we got cucked out of our prize and thats all i know
ive been searching for a way out but the best i can do is fuck around a little bit here with time

plus technically in the order you asked it
your question that you want me to answer is "see?"
im goin to re offer to take you to that doctor
they can get the stick out of your ass for free too i bet

[text]

[sleepinglotus]

[That sure is some colorful language going on there.]

You're very angry for something that is entirely out of our control.

[cadeuces]

Well, in the interest of stopping or at least slowing a riot, let me forward you to an informational post someone made not too long ago.

It's about as straight-forward and no-nonsense as can be, so perhaps that will help.

Needless to say, no one consented and the people here were just as baffled as we were, so there isn't much of anyone to complain to. The universe, I suppose.

un: 1stQadrMargaFan

[wearingguess]

Alas, it seems that the local asshats do not really understand it any better than we do. All of us are in the same boat!

Anyway, please tell me more about your riot. How many of you are there?

[text]

[mutantblood]

EXACTLY.
DOESN'T THAT PISS YOU OFF?
YOU *SHOULD* BE FUCKING LIVID.

[ Karkat could absolutely rant a rainbow with all of the bells and whistles. ]

[TEXT]

[mutantblood]

[ Oh. That... Was a serious answer. Karkat has certainly lost some wind from his sails. Not that he's unappreciative, but the whiplash of all of this ill-directed anger having nowhere to go was a tad jarring at first. ]

THIS... IS ACTUALLY HELPFUL.
THANK FUCK *SOMEBODY* KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING AROUND HERE INSTEAD OF SPOUTING SMARTASSEY ALL OVER MY POST.
THIS IS A DOMAIN OF RATIONALITY, NOT A RECEPTACLE FOR EVERYONE'S JERKOFF MORAL DISCOURSE.

I'M FINE WITH THAT. AS FINE AS I CAN BE, ANYWAY.
I'LL FIGHT THE GODDAMN ETHER IF I HAVE TO.
PAGING THE ABSOLUTE SLIMESTAIN OF A GOD THAT RULES THIS DOMAIN TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
OR SOMETHING.

text; un: oniichan

[immature]

a riot huh
just you?

[TEXT]

[mutantblood]

I HATE IT.
I'VE BEEN GIVEN ENOUGH INFORMATION TO DAMPEN MY RAGE BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THIS ENTIRE CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION ANY MORE REASONABLE.

TWO INCLUDING ME.
BUT THE SECOND ATTENDEE IS A TOOL, SO PROBABLY JUST ME.
NOT THAT I CAN'T BRING THIS ENTIRE SOCIETY TO ITS KNEES BY MYSELF ANYWAY.

[TEXT]

[mutantblood]

NO. NOT JUST ME, SMARTASS.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS A GROWING INTEREST PERTAINING TO TEARING SHIT UP AROUND HERE.

WE HAVE SIGNS. I THINK.
SO OBVIOUSLY THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS.

[immature]

i mean youre right but idk if thats the sort of thing you wanna advertise on a public network
a lot of the locals here are already wary of us

[mutantblood]

I AM THE BEACON OF INTERSPECIES COMMUNICATION AND EXTRATERRESTRIAL SENSITIVITY.
AND NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU BLUNT-TOOTHED, HORNLESS HUSKS CAN INSIST OTHERWISE.
BECAUSE I HAVE HARNESSED THE HUMAN SARCASM.
EAT SHIT.

[ He's a little proud of himself for that. Just a little. ]

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME FROM UNNECESSARY CONVERSATIONAL SUFFERING BY JUST *SAYING* YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
ALSO THAT STICK IS CALLED A TORSO PILLAR AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD GROW ONE.

ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE POSTER.
EVEN IF IT'S GOING TO BE DUMB AND ILLEGIBLE ANYWAY.

[mutantblood]

IT'S CALLED SENDING A MESSAGE.
I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I AM WILLING TO SPIT IN THEIR EYES IF THEY DON'T GIVE ME ANSWERS.

TRUST ME. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I WAS HATCHED TO MAKE ALIEN PLANETS BEND BENEATH MY MIGHT.
SO MAYBE THE 'LOCALS' SHOULD OPEN THEIR FILTHY SEED FLAPS AND START TALKING.

I feel like you're giving me perfect reasons to use these icons. Thank you.

[itsknighttime]

oh bro wait
speaking of extraterrestrials and how much you talk
okay so i met this uber science dude that says that humans could do extraterrestrial stuff too which is true we went to the moon and idk like a russian space station that wasn't as cool as ours and considering ours was predominantly less russian i guess its by default not the same
but yeah hes his own alien
you dont gotta be the alien alone anymore cause i got taken somewhere that is extra but also terrestrial
that makes me an extraterrestrial too

[[They have so much in common. Karkat should be proud of himself that was top tier sarcasm.]]

well i dont know a lot i know we have to hold hands and sing kumbaya around campfires or we fucking die but thats all and i dont even know if that happens to godtiers but im more worried about you
you have sharp claws how are you goin to hold hands with people?
haha torso pillar
i hate how not fucking wrong your translations into my language are

see not so hard
youre welcome
its just first version anyway we can crayon jam out a few others
we got time since i dont think were getting back to that platform any time soon
i got told they dont even know why were here

[immature]

[whoa...]

hey hold on a minute
you were “hatched?”

[mutantblood]

[ That was a bad habit to get into. How long had it been since he'd had to interact with somebody without assuming that they knew what he was talking about? At least a sweep? Damn. ]

FUCKING DUH.
HOW ELSE?

I'M NOT A FLESHY SACK OF ORGANS THAT GREW FROM SOME SORT OF ASSBACKWARDS PARASITIC SPAWNING PROCESS.
OR HOWEVER IT IS THAT HUMANS POPULATE THEIR PLANET.
IT SOUNDS ABHORRENT AND I DON'T WANT TO SUBJECT MY SPONGE TO THAT FILTH.